Thursday, October 7

President Packer's Talk... From a (Gay) Mormon Perspective

President Packer had only spoken for a few seconds before I knew there would be backlash. Everything he said was directly applicable to me... and to my brothers and sisters who live with same-sex attraction. As I listened to his talk, I was torn in two ways. I knew his message was true. But most members of the Church who live with same-sex attraction don't need fire and brimstone. They already know that acting on their temptations is wrong... and they respond much better to hope, love, and support in order to gain the faith to change. In the moment, I, like thousands of others, felt like President Packer was telling me I just hadn't tried hard enough. That I wasn't good enough. And while I knew from the Spirit that those were not his intentions, I could already guess how the rest of the world - who heard the talk without the guidance of the Spirit - would react.

The reaction was immediate and vehement, from all corners of the world and seemingly every walk of life. From the Church and without. From men, women, family members, and hundreds of others. Some simply disagreed with his statements; others wished for violence to befall him. Everyone seemed up in arms.

I just re-read President Packer's talk from General Conference. As I read, I noticed something interesting. President Packer was a professional teacher. His talks are meticulously formatted to have opening, supporting, and closing sections that build on one another. In recent years, he has meandered a bit, but there's still a format.

In his opening remarks, President Packer talks about the importance of the family, the powers of procreation, and foreshadows to the rest of his talk:

"To be entrusted with the power to create life carries with it the greatest of joys and dangerous temptations."

So obviously he's going to be talking about pornography, adultery, fornication, and homosexual relations. That's all covered in the dangerous temptations. However, the main theme of his talk is pornography, as can be seen when he switches to the body of his talk with this statement:

"In our day the dreadful influence of pornography is like unto a plague sweeping across the world..."

then gives a number of other statements:

"The effect of this plague can be, unfortunately often is, spiritually fatal."
"Pornography will always repel the Spirit of Christ and will interrupt the communications between our Heavenly Father and His children and disrupt the tender relationship between husband and wife."
"The priesthood holds consummate power. It can protect you from the plague of pornography—and it is a plague—if you are succumbing to its influence."

Then came the phrase that ignited everything:

"Some suppose that they were preset and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and the unnatural. Not so. Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone? Remember, He is our Father."

Taking apart this statement in context gives it a bit more meaning. Simply living with same-sex attraction does not make you impure. Church doctrine is clear in that respect. So what did he mean by these "inborn tendencies toward the impure"? Aside from pornography, it is tendency and temptation to act on attractions outside of marriage. President Packer was not claiming that we could change homosexual attractions... he was simply stating that each of us has the power to choose to overcome or give in to temptation.

He then goes on to quote Paul to explain why he was so definite in his statement - "God . . . will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."

He continues by explaining the Church's continuing position in moral politics:

"Regardless of the opposition, we are determined to stay on course. We will hold to the principles and laws and ordinances of the gospel."

And finishes his talk with this injunction:

"the simplest and most powerful prevention and cure for pornography, or any unclean act, is to ignore and avoid it. Delete from the mind any unworthy thought that tries to take root,"

President Packer gave a clear, direct, and concise talk on pornography and other sexual sins. I don't know if he realized that everything in his talk could also be applied to same-sex attraction... or how painful that application would be. But I know that his final statements were heartfelt and true:

"I promise that ahead of you is peace and happiness for you and your family."
"And I invoke the blessings of the Lord upon you who are struggling against this terrible plague, to find the healing that is available to us in the priesthood of the Lord."


As I read the talk again this evening, the Lord confirmed to me that I'm on the right path. I'm doing what I should be. I'm moving forward. And that is what matters.

Ultimately, as I go through life, it is my responsibility to listen with both my ears and my heart - to know when the Lord is speaking to me - and to follow Him. Then President Packer's promise will come true in my life. I will find peace and happiness... and the strength that comes through Christ the Lord.

325 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your inspired perspective of Elder Packer's talk. I also enjoyed reading through the comments and hearing everyone's story. Would you mind reposting the link to your previous post on why the church would get involved in politics? I would love to read it. Thanks!

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  2. Thanks SO MUCH for sharing! I admire your faith and dedication. I agree - attraction is not the sin. The sin is acting upon it. What a lot of Elder Packer's detractors are trying to say is that we have no choice. But we do. We can always choose what we do. We may have desires that go against the Spirit (it's called being human...) but we can choose not to follow them. We have agency. Thank you for your faith and for sharing it with the rest of us. Your story is essential to this issue, and I hope you won't stop sharing and speaking up. Yours is the kind of voice that needs to be loudest - a voice of faith, courage, honesty, and intelligence.

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  3. Mormon guy, Thank you so much for writing this. I have felt the same thing from other talks about other issues. Not really from General Authorities but from The Relief Society President of the past and felt like I was doing the best I could and that that wasn't enough. I sincerely understand that feeling. I really believe that Pres Packer did not mean to protray that message but one of hope and encouragement. I hope and pray that you have success and joy in your life. I know that this life is just a drop in the bucket compared to Eternity and Your reward will be so joyous after this trial. My brother had other struggles in his life that were lifelong and were not of his making also and he had a wonderful heart. I think these really hard things that we struggle with help to purify us and help us to have empathy and love for others. When my brother passed away, I was devastated because he had lived such a trial filled life with very little joy. Then the windows of Heaven were opened to me and I saw in my minds eye the glory received by those who suffer so in this life for their suffering helps to teach us the most important element and that is the Love of Jesus Christ and Charity. I have learned to not judge others and that love for one another is the most important aspect to help us return to our Heavenly Father. We need to give encouragement and love to all even if we don't agree with them. So many ills of this world is begot because of selfishness and apathy and hate. All of these things can be made better if we could just love as he loved. We all fall and struggle with sin of some sort and that is why I'm so thankful for the Atonement. I KNOW this to be true and I'm so thankful for that knowlege. I hope this helps you and anyone else who reads this who is struggling with anything or who has a difficult time with loving others who struggle or have challenges that they are uncomfortable with.

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  4. Thank you for this post! It's a great insight. My roommate had made that same point a few days ago, that the remark everyone objected was actually about pornography in context. What an amazing example you are to stay true to the faith. Thank you for your candor and honesty. Keep up the good work, brother!

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  5. I also found this through Facebook. What an amazing post. You have such a way with words. I am so grateful I found your blog. I will definitely be coming back. Thank you for sharing. It is so nice to hear the perspective of others that are in a different situation and still able to overcome their trials. You are amazing.

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  6. I don't know you, you don't know me. I do however, greatly appreciate you. Your personal incite into this particular matter are of utmost importance. I don't know why you in particular were given the challenge you have, but I suspect it was to help a great deal of men and women who are experiencing the same things you are. Your Father in Heaven is undoubtedly proud of you. Thank you for your open and honest perspective. I hope you are always met with understanding and love.

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  7. Thank you thank you so much. I stumbled across your blog on facebook. And I'm concerned about the level of misunderstanding circulating the world right now. I hope your message will continue to travel and pray others will have their hearts softened and do as you did--have the spirit, take their concerns to the Lord and have Him speak peace to their souls. Well done. Thank you for posting.

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  8. What a valiant son of God you are. I admire your strength and ability to defend one of our leaders. Thank you! I am glad that Pres Packer was able to give that talk, although I am sure there are those that are offended I know that there are many he helped. There are many times I hear talks about things that I struggle with and it is hard to swallow and to get up and keep working hard to live the life that our Father in Heaven would have a us live, but I do it because I know what the end result is. If you look up hard in the dictionary it is not a negative word. It is something that requires strength. It is by doing hard things that we become better people. Pres Packer didn't say that sin from your trial is greater than another, or that it is easy, He simply stated that there is hope and that we can overcome the temptation if we choose to. I believe you can. I know we all can overcome our trails if we choose to, I am glad that you are on your way to overcoming yours. I know that yours might seam unbearable at times. I want you to know that I have many trials myself and mine seam unbearable too...but it is by following our Father in Heaven in faith that we will all come out on the top. Keep fighting. It is worth the fight. Thanks for your words, I admire your strength to stand tall!

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  9. Thank you for your insights. I appreciate the faith that you expressed and the things you learned from Pres. Packer's talk. I wish you blessings in your life's journey.

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  10. I just wanted to say that my husband and i appreciate your insight, and the time you took to re-read his talk. I can tell that you have a true testimony of the church, and your testimony has touched me. I am glad that there are people in the world like you. People that are willing to dig deeper and to not be quick to anger. It gives me hope in raising my child in this crazy world. The church always teaches with love and tolerance and i love that you understand that. Our prayers are with you.
    thank you so much
    the januszewski's

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  11. I cannot even imagine what it would be like to be Mormon and gay. I think that has to be one of teh hardest things to contend with in this life. Thanks for your insight from a "gay" point of view about Pres. Packer's talk. May you always have Spirit with you to help you fight the good fight!

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  12. You have an amazing outlook. I enjoyed reading your blog and hope that others who struggle read it as well. Our Father in Heaven truly loves us and will help us through what ever our challenges may be. Good luck! I know He will bless you!

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  13. Thank you for your courage and eloquent words. You are such an example to me. I wasn't going to say anything but i feel the need to do so.

    Your ability to express yourself is admirable and I'm so glad that God has given you the gift to be able to share these things with people who may or may not understand.

    I know that God is loving and that He will bless you for the work that you continue to do through your life, and this blog. I can't even put into words how strongly I feel impressed to say that. He Is so proud of you and loves you so much.
    Keep up the great work, you are an amazing person.

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  14. My comments are not as deep as others' are (I absolutely second the loving and supportive remarks made by other commenters), but I simply wanted to express how refreshing it is to read such thoughtful, precise writing, with correct grammar and spelling! Virtual high five!!!

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  15. Your comments offer a great antidote to the myriad of misinformation recently put out regarding Pres. Packer's talk. If only more people could take that approach and understand. I had a brother (deceased) who was a returned missionary and later decided he was gay. He expressed being unhappy with his life choices before he died, especially in light of his testimony of the gospel. I think we all become unhappy when we have once felt the promptings and joy of the spirit, but then fail to live what we believe.

    To give in to any tendency that leads away from God and his plan is unfortunate. We all have struggles with something that is our Goliath. The key is to not give in, not quit trying, not lay prone after falling. We do fall, we will fall, but its not about how many times we fall, but how many times we rise up again. To keep doing this until that eventual glorious day when the Savior will catch us in His arms - never to fall again.

    My mantra is found in the great message of the song "The Impossible Dream": "...that one man, scorned and covered with scars, still strove with his last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable star!"

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  16. Thank you for this testimony. I admire who you are and your courage to do what's right in the face of unbelievable adversity.

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  17. WOW! You have amazing insight and seem to be able to be a peacemaker. What a gift! I know that we all have struggles, and after this life we will hopefully be able to more clearly see the reasons for our struggles, but I can certainly see part of the reason for yours in being that you have the ability to have a testimony even after opposition, and to be able to explain that to the 'masses' first hand.

    I admire you and appreciate your desire to keep your testimony strong!

    I was surprised by the backlash of the talk, as the mother of youth, and one who had a marriage ruined by pornography, that was what I saw as the gist of the talk and where my concerns automatically went. I have family and friends with same gender attraction, but those comments didn't hit me. I know they have their own trials, but they know I love and support them. Lucky me...I haven't been told it was my job to judge anyone! Who gave the talk at this conference, I believe, on the statement made by Mother Teresa that if you are judging others you are wasting the time you could be loving them.

    You really show that THAT is how you best use your time! What a fine example! Thanks for taking the time to post/blog!

    A grateful mother

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  18. Thank you very much for posting this! I really admire your stand point on the situation, and you were not afraid to express your mind. You're a great example.

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  19. I’m posting part of another dissenting critique I recently received on this post. It’s too long to make one post, so I’ve chopped it into two. Excerpts from the critique are in normal text, while my (Mormon Guy) response is in bold beneath each section.

    Part 1

    I'm writing this with as much patience as possible. I'm hoping that it will be soft enough to pass your moderation and be a part of your discussion. I have hope you will ponder and openly answer my very serious critique.

    Thanks for being willing to engage in the discussion. I felt some of your comments could add depth to what we have, so I’ve posted some of them here.

    First, I feel like you contradict yourself inside the post. You explain that the Spirit lead you to believe "President Packer was not claiming that we could change homosexual attractions... he was simply stating that each of us has the power to choose to overcome or give in to temptation."

    However, when you take Packer at his word, he says, "Some suppose that they were preset and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn tendencies toward the impure and the unnatural. Not so. Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone? Remember, He is our Father." From my perspective, this statement is a direct claim on changing attraction. God would not allow it to be a part of a person, implying choice of sexual preference and all choices can be changed.

    Even after reading your comments and my original post multiple times, I don’t see a personal contradiction. I agree that the Spirit led me to apply the message to my own life, and that my personal interpretation is different from how you interpreted President Packer’s words and intent. Your argument doesn’t address the importance of spiritual promptings in understanding how to apply gospel truths (which I think, as outlined in the “2 lines of communication with God” talk, is essential), but even going entirely from the written text, I can only see a potential issue revolving around two words – “tendencies” and “overcome.”

    “Tendencies” was changed in the official written release of the talk. Going with the edited version resolves the concern, and I’ve already posted another comment on that subject. Staying with the original speech, however, the argument focuses on “overcome.” From the Random House dictionary, “overcome” means:

    to prevail over (opposition, a debility, temptations, etc.); surmount: to overcome one’s weaknesses.

    The essence of our difference is in our personal definitions. When I overcome a temptation, that does not imply that the temptation disappears. Debilities (e.g. blindness, paralysis, etc) do not inevitably disappear when they are overcome, even in the loosest form of the word. Instead, the person with debilities, over time, changes his actions such that the debility no longer disables him from meeting his desired goals. From associative logic in the definition, and from personal experience, I see the same happen with temptations and tendencies. Temptations do not necessarily disappear when they are overcome; they simply cease to impede my ability to meet my desired goals. I think that your interpretation of “overcome” is that temptations or tendencies will disappear, as outlined in your section on changing one’s attraction. With the understanding that overcoming tendencies or temptations does not imply the disappearance of either, there isn’t a contradiction.

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  20. Part 2 of dissenting view:

    Next, you state that "simply living with same-sex attraction does not make you impure." Those are your words and not a part of Packer's talk at all. You should be careful about making statements on the clarity of church doctrine.

    I’m not an official representative of the Church, and so I agree – my blog is not a primary source for Church doctrine. Everything on this blog tells my story – my thoughts, my feelings, and the answers the Lord has given me for my life.

    On the question as to whether or not my statement was in keeping with Church doctrine, I refer to a recent press release by the Church:

    The Church recognizes that those of its members who are attracted to others of the same sex experience deep emotional, social and physical feelings. The Church distinguishes between feelings or inclinations on the one hand and behavior on the other. It’s not a sin to have feelings, only in yielding to temptation.


    Finally, you still have issues with the change of actions paradigm. As a "stalwart member" you don’t engage in gay actions. What further actions do you need to change? You admit that the talk hit you with feelings that you were not good enough or trying hard enough. You, a stalwart member, felt guilt for not changing something you had already bridled. It makes no sense. You should never have had that response given what you see as the only underlying principles.

    You’re right. I did feel that way. But I don’t think that my response, or any response, is necessarily indicative of the talk itself. I’m not perfect. And one of the imperfections I’m currently trying to address is my tendency to make rash judgments (in everything) before I stop, think, and listen to the Spirit. Hopefully next time I’ll be able to turn to the Spirit first, avoid the rash judgment, and better understand how the speaker’s words apply to me.

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  21. Thank you for your comments and testimony. And above all your strength.

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  22. First I wanted to say hello! I am taking a Sociology of Gender class and we talked about this issue today as well as Pres. Packer's talk. I wanted to commend you for being open about the things you struggle with and at the same time bearing powerful testimony of Christ and his gospel teachings. I forwarded this post to my teacher recommending that she read it because of your insights and understanding of the message. You are awesome!

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  23. You've earned my respect. Thanks for your testimony, man, its helped me with mine! Great way to see the truth past the carnal man. Thanks for being strong!

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  24. Beautiful. I honestly cannot imagine living with homosexual feelings and what a trial that would be- I see it as a testament to how much the Lord LOVES and TRUSTS you, that you would be able to not only handle it, but also be such an amazing example to those around you in the kingdom who are struggling as well. Reading this post just made me want to give you a hug. I know that's exactly what the Savior would do too. Keep on keepin' on. Keep inspiring people.

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  25. Thank you so much for sharing this. I love President Packer, and I love my gay friends and feel so torn for a happy medium. I appreciate you taking the time and courage to write this. I hope your burdens lighten. God Bless You.

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  26. You go, dude. Thank you for this post. I was a little surprised about the backlash about this talk - because all I heard as the main subject matter of the talk was struggling to overcome pornography! Granted, I had two very small children running around and didn't hear every word. Anyway - thanks for adding your voice.

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  27. You are inspiring! I feel the spirit when i read the things you write as well as others uplifting comments. This is how i know of the the truthfullness of this wonderful plan of happiness heavenly father has planned for us. I love this!

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  28. I just wanted to say thank you. I could expound on that for a long time, but in short, thank you very much.

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  29. Just wanted to say your strength and testimony is inspiring. I think all of us (straight or gay) struggle with overcoming ourselves to become more like God, yet many of us get to do it privately. I think it takes a very special kind of soul to be able to wear those struggles on your sleeve and do so in a humbling, loving and inspirational way. It's people like you that make the biggest (and best) kind of difference in this world. :-)

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  30. The world only spins forward. I believe that as a people seeking out Divinity, inhibited with all of our personal weaknesses and struggles, we are drawing closer to one another and closer to Him.

    You, like Moroni of the Book of Mormon are preparing the minds and hearts of people to turn to the Lord in faith when confronted with temptation and adversity.

    You have invited others to engage in this conversation. I believe one hallmark of good art is it inspires the creativity of others. I think in a similar fashion your spirituality has inspired and increased the spirituality of others.

    Elder Neal A. Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, "Patience...helps us to realize that while we may be ready to move on, having had enough of a particular learning experience, our continuing presence is often a needed part of the learning environment of others."

    I am inspired by your slowness to be offended, your kindness and patience for those who may make hasty remarks.

    Sir you set the bar very high. See ya there one day brother!

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  31. Wow! Thank you for what you've said. You are an inspiration. I can't imagine living with the struggle you do, but I admire you courage and your strength to do so. I also admire your incredible humility and faith when it comes to Pres. Packer's talk. Thank you for clarifying and thank you for being so amazing! Keep it up!

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  32. Thank you very much for your honest, heart felt comments. I hadn't heard of the backlash until today. I read the church public statement about the petition that was filed against the church. For me, the greatest message from that statement is that while we do not agree with actions that are not in alignment with the commandments, we still believe in being Christlike, and loving everyone. Living in the SF Bay area, I have known gay members of the church. I hope that I can always make them feel loved and accepted, even if I can't always fully understand the trials they face.

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  33. Thank you for your words I love them.....

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  34. Buddy you rock! I hope that you can continue in your search for truth light and righteousness. It is so refreshing to hear a tesimony like yours that is so heartfelt. I felt the Spirit as i read your post and was very inspired. Thanks for your post!

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  35. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and testimony with all of us. I just signed up as a follower because I think your perspective is so important. I have several loved ones who are dealing with same-sex attraction in different ways, and I really appreciate your insight. Bless you!

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  36. God bless you man. A lot of folks out there could take a lesson from you.

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  37. thank you for your perspective... I have struggled with this concept and I also knew there would be tremendous buzz about President Packers talk... your faith is admirable!
    I am not lesbian but have very dear friends and family members that are homosexual and they also struggle with that love and acceptance you referred to. thanks again for shedding much needed light on this most confounding arena.

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  38. I have such a high level of respect for you. Thank you so much for writing this. I am a member of the Church and have been struggling with lifestyle choices that are contrary to the teachings of the gospel and you have given me the motivation to turn my life and my faith toward the Lord and His teachings. I really can't thank you enough for posting this. You have also helped assuage some of my concern with what President Packer said. Your statements were articulate and insightful and as a woman of logic, I really appreciate your cognitive and spiritual approach. Please keep writing. I am sure you are inspiring more people than you know.

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  39. Thanks for this. My brother and best friend is gay and used to be an active member of the church. How does one support or help a member of the church who fought with same sex attraction for 26 years and decided to act on his tendencies because he truly believes he cannot be changed?

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  40. Very cool. Great blog for anyone to read, great perspective on all aspects of talk... thank you.

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  41. I agree. We have tendencies and temptations, but we are not cursed for those. We are held accountable for our actions, according to our knowledge of good and evil.

    I can kind of relate: I suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder, which causes me to have random violent thoughts. Obviously violence is wrong, and I felt that I was a sinner for having thoughts I had no control over. I assume this is (again, kind of) like struggling with same-sex attraction.
    I know that these two things are not totally comparable, but the inward struggle is.

    But when I found out God still loves me and that even though I can't control my thoughts, I CAN control my actions, my life become so much better. I may never be free from OCD, but I can still live a good life. Likewise, people who have same-sex attraction may never be able to "become straight," but they can still live good lives too.

    It's the individual crosses we bear.

    I think that is what Pres. Packer was trying to communicate. It's not what we are given in life, it's what we do with what we're given that matters.
    I just hope that understanding will eventually replace the anger and hate that has been thrown around. Thank you again for your helping others understand.

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  42. Thank you for sharing your insight into his talk. I can't even imagine what it's like to be you, but I also believe in Paul's statement that we won't be tempted above that which we are able. YOU are DOING GREAT and I just want to encourage you in what I think is a righteous endeavor.

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  43. I don't know if you'll ever make it far enough down the page to read this comment, but THANK YOU for this post. It is absolutely beautiful and brought me to tears. I am amazed by your strong testimony and courage to do what is right, and even though I don't know you, I can feel that the Lord loves you and is pleased with you. Thank you, my brother, for sharing your story with us. It is truly a strength.

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  44. I'm sure I have nothing more to add than what has already been written but I just wanted to let you know that I think you are amazing. Thank you for your example. It gives me strength to see others fighting the good fight, whichever fight that might be. Thank you. You are strong and courageous. May God comfort you and strengthen you as you help and strengthen others. I am going to go say a prayer for you right now.

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  45. Your careful analysis of President Packer's entire message has inspired me to view his talk again so I can better understand his intended message. Thank you for speaking up in faith and strength. Thank you for sharing your perspective and your struggle with the entire blogosphere. I know that as you do so you will be buoyed up. God bless you.

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  46. Wow beautiful!!! When I was a bishop in the Mormon Church, I had the wonderful experience of giving blessings to those that have struggled with this...I was so amazed, each time I felt our Heavenly Father's Spirit stronger than most times when giving a blessing. The Spirit testified that Heavenly Father loved them so much for who they were and what they were going through...those were some of my greatest experiences! Thank you for sharing...

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  47. Wow, if you read all your comments you have a lot of good reading to do. First off I think your awesome! When I first heard of all the disagreement with Pres Packer talk. I was confused. I didn't remember this talk. I had to go back and make sure I indeed was able to listen to his talk. (I have kids.) I reread his talk and realized I had heard it. I guess I only heard the parts that pertained to me and my own choices I made in my past. I think Satan was doing an excellent job of getting into people's heads that day. President Packer was however speaking with the spirit of the lord that day. His remarks of a loving Heavenly Father helped me remember all it took for me to get back on the right track. And to be so grateful for all the blessings I have been given. No matter our situation we all have temptations and choices to make. Thank You for "Choosing the Right" and for your beautiful testimony. I hope all these positive comments are helping fulfill your hope that "President Packer's promise will come true in my life. I will find peace and happiness... and the strength that comes through Christ the Lord."

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  48. I sincerely appreciate the fact that you publicly share your perspective. Thank you.

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  49. All I have to say is Thank you so so so so much. I very much admire you and your courage. This has been a HUGE topic of discussion between me and my classmates at school, and there are only a few us who are LDS, and even some who are, didn't support our own apostle and it made my heart break. So I really just want to thank you for being a wonderful example! I will most definitely be posting this on my Facebook page tonight.

    -Amanda

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  50. Thank you sooooooooooo much. I KNOW that President Packer loves and respects all those who have been given an extra difficult earthly trial as you have. And I hope you also know that myself and many other members of the church do as well. My heart breaks for you and what you have to deal with but at the same time I am inspired and amazed at your testimony and strength. I am pleased that someone else feels the same way i did about this talk. You could hear anything you wanted from conference if you took enough things out of context. Thanks for putting things back into perspective and reminding us of the true doctrine.

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  51. You are such an amazing example of faith, courage, and diligence. Thank you so much for your post. I know that you are loved and the peace that we all are looking for, will be yours. Your post is in such contrast with those on the descent. I sensed such humility, meekness, and a desire to know the truth. You have strengthened me. Thank you.

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  52. I don't even know you but what I have read on your blog. You are full of faith! I can honestly say that while I read your blog I felt the spirit testify to me very strongly. You are amazing! You have opened my eyes and helped me to understand this topic so much better. I know trials are hard but I'm extremely grateful for the ones I have had because without them I wouldn't be who I am today. I know that Heavenly Father sends us trials because it's his way of shaping us into the person he needs us to be and teaching us things to help us to become better! Trials (in the long run) can bring us such joy! "And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all they foes." (D&C 121:8) If I wouldn't have fallen down so many times while learning to ride a bike I wouldn't have the same joy I have now that I get every time I stay up! I know that through your example many lives are being touched because I know you touched mine! Thank you for all you have taught me! Thank you for being an example and a light to the world!

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  53. Dear GMG,

    While I admire you immensely for striving to overcome such a difficult temptation in your life, I think I admire you even more for not being quick to anger. I think there are many chances in this life for someone in your situation (a LDS with same-sex attraction) to become offended, and it sounds like you've chosen to constantly take the higher road in the name of your testimony. Thanks for being a great example for all of us.

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  54. Thank you for you insight. I really like that you take ownership of your issues. I have been a womanizer all my life and that is not in accordance with the Gospel either. I know the work I have put in to stay holding on to the Rod. Continue striving my Brother, you are courageous and inspiring!!

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  55. Thanks for your post. Pres. Packer has also said in a past talk (I can look up the reference if you would like) that in the end we will realize that there was an equal playing field for all (referring to mortal trials). In other words, God, in His omniscience, knew exactly what we would face and knew our limitations and the trials we needed in mortality to grow properly. That is why God has said that He would not allow us to be tempted above that which we are able, but will with the temptation provide a way for our escape. As much as I can't imagine bearing your trial, which is a great one, I have my own trials and my own cross (thorn in the flesh) that I will bear for the rest of my life. Some are more apparent than others, but we all have them, tailored to our capabilities and the things God knew we would need to learn, to grow, and to become the person He wants us to be. For this reason, I don't pity you or feel sorry for you. Not that you wanted anyone to. Anyway, thanks for being open and sharing. It builds our faith. Keep fighting the good fight! God bless!

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  56. May the Lord continue to bless you and I and everyone else as we strive to be obedient to all of his commandments.

    Continue your goodwork!!!!

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  57. Beautifully said!
    I love "a trial is a trial is a trial", because your post and this talk by President Packer applies on so many levels! We ALL have trials.
    I was listening to it thinking it applied to me and it was just what I needed to hear. I'm a person that has struggled with having feelings (or "lust") outside of my marriage (and I'm a female -yes, no one is immune, lol, and they were heterosexual feelings, just to clarify ;).
    Regardless of my past or upbringing, I am responsible for my choices now. Its not where I come from but where I'm going. I have not actually committed adultery (and NEVER plan to), but just how addicting those feelings and acts can be (and how much pornography, etc. has influenced me) has created something I could struggle with, and be brought down with. Thank goodness I have a strong, firm grip on the gospel's iron rod.
    "...with constant, fervent prayer..." it can be overcome. That is why the atonement is there. When I had my most recent struggle, it was right around when I heard this talk. Little did I know it would become such a famous talk, haha, but it was what I needed to hear. It truly helped me, and a simple, humble prayer lifted that burden and made me see I didn't HAVE to struggle with this.
    If I acted on those feelings completely my family would be destroyed. That is why Heavenly Father gave us the atonement and His gospel. He always provides a way. :)
    Thanks for your words :)

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  58. Thank you so much for this post! A friend of mine posted it on facebook and I intend to do the same. (your word is getting out there!)

    Above all, thank you for this insight. As someone who has (gay) Mormon friends, this whole confusion over Pres. Packer's talk has just broken my heart. I was so happy when I read this from the church's response:
    ""Attempts to belittle or mock any group or individual that is different – whether those differences arise from race, religion, mental challenges, social status, sexual orientation or for any other reason. . .have no place in our society. Each Latter-day Saint should carefully consider whether their attitudes and actions toward others reflect Jesus Christ’s second great commandment - to love one another."

    If anything, I felt like our leaders were calling out members of the church for more Christ-like attitudes towards this issue, for members and non-members alike. I hope they recognize this.

    Continue your wonderful blog and speaking out. I cannot praise you enough!

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  59. I didn't know if I should read your blog at first but I am glad that I did!

    I am impressed at how open you are about this whole subject being that you have to struggle with this! I think it will help a lot of people try to understand how it is to live this way.

    I am married and have two children and have never struggled with this,but I have a BIG testimony that Our HEavenly Father loves each and every person on this Earth and that with his love and guidance we can be happy. He is our Father and wants to help us with anything we may struggle with-we just have to reach out to him and ask for his help being HUMBLE. WITH GOD NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.

    STAY strong you are a good example to us all!
    with alot of love- :)

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  60. You are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, keep on doing so. Lots of readers out here :)

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  61. Thank you for being so strong and being such a great example to me and to everyone who struggles and is tempted to take the easy road It is so easy to rationalize not following all the teachings of the church. Your message hit home to me. Your strength of character is very refreshing!!! Keep Strong!

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  62. What a wonderful and insightful reply you have for all those who took offense to Elder Packer's talk. I am touched by your candor concerning your own feelings of same sex attraction. I thought really Elder Packer was talking to all types of sexual addictions and feelings, not just the homosexuals. Sex addiction is a real thing, pornography destroyed my first marriage, it was like a cancer eating away all that was good, so I took it as that.
    I wish you well in your life and wish you continued peace. You are amazing.

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  63. Thank you for writing this blog. I am impressed with how you studied Elder Packer's talk thoroughly and interpreted it through your experience.

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  64. found your blog just today from a facebook posting. First of all, I just want to say that you have touched my spirit with your in depth understanding of the Lord and His gospel. You most assuredly have a personal relationship with our Heavenly Father and our Savior. I glanced through some of your postings and wish I had all day to read your insight. Truly, you are a loved son of our Father. He has blessed you so much in your ablity to help people, like me, find some way to connect with those of same-gender attraction.

    Secondly, I am a heterosexual mother of 5 children trying hard to teach my children the basic principles of the gospel and teaching them such divine wisdom from the "Proclamation to the World: The Family". In today's headlines we find so much combative worldly views that are directly against this sacred piece of wisdom. There are ugly comments, blogs and protests that come from both sides, that it makes it sometimes difficult to feel compassion. With that said, your work that you put forth is most definitely an aide for the common purpose of coming unto Christ as children of God, no matter our sexual orientation or transgressions. Putting the Lord first, repenting and abstaining from temptations, is ultimately what this life is all about, is it not?

    Lastly...all I can say, is thank you. Thank you for being so true to the Lord. I have no earthly idea what you go through to abstain from your temptations. Thank you for your example of dedication, compassion, understanding and love for those of us who are incapable of knowing what you live with on a day to day basis. Thank you for sharing your talents with us to help us see things in the eternal perspective. You have inspired me, and I appreciate your wisdom. I have faith that one day, whether it's in this life or the next that you will be rewarded beyond measure for your selfless sacrifice for obedience to the Lord, our Heavenly Father and their plan of happiness for the eternities.

    Many prayers, a fellow sister in Christ...

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  65. I am so impressed by your strength, maturity, and spirit!

    We all have crosses to bear in this life, some harder than others. My son was diagnosed as high functioning autistic when very young. He has suffered his whole life from learning challenges, social challenges, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder,etc.

    Through much help he has done very, very well, has gone to college on scholarship and is currently on an LDS mission, but he knows he will always have many challenges. Even at the young age of 19m he has grown to have a very strong testimony of Jesus Christ's atonement and how it can strengthen you to get through your trials. He knows that he will have lifelong trials but he knows too that in the end, when he goes to the other side, he will no longer have those challenges. That keeps him going.

    God bless you! We need more people like you!

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  66. Your Sister in the GospelOctober 14, 2010 at 1:18 PM

    I hate to add one more comment for you to modify on here, but I just have to tell you how amazing and great you are. I am so grateful for great people like you who are willing to put yourself and your life out there in hopes of helping others. Thank you so very much. You have touched me (and brought me close to tears!) and I hope to be able to share like this one day with someone who is also in need. Recently, my husband shared with me that he has been addicted to pornography his whole life and shared with me some very hurtful actions on his part that he has participated in while we have been married. When conference came around, it was all I could do to pray for help from someone during conference because I don't have anyone to talk to about this! I was so grateful a coworker showed your site to me today, because I just feel like this is a good place for me to read of yours and other peoples struggles and faithfulness and insights into the gospel, church and the leaders we have today.
    Like many other people on this post, I felt that Pres. Packer's talk was directed at my husband and others like him that are struggling with addictions. It was comforting to me and also my husband, as well as millions who are struggling with an entire range of feelings and addictions.
    Thank you so much, Brother. I hope you continue to always find comfort in the gospel, the Savior and the Atonement. I know it heals, comforts and strengthens us in our struggles, however humongous they may be.

    Love to you.

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  67. Gosh! Thanks so much for that, coming from someone like you is so personal and I have tears at the end reading it. For once, there is an LDS person who this talk speaks to personally and is not bashing President Packer. I really look up to you!

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  68. Your blog post and this remarkable collection of responses is encouraging, GMG. The words and love of Christ abound here on a topic ever so thorny and misunderstood.

    Ever since one of my brothers came out of the closet, SSA has become a living, heart-felt issue for me. Until I found this blog I've been impressed with the insensitivity and apparent inability of many members of the Church to speak thoughtfully and lovingly about our gay brothers and sisters. Do persevere as long as it makes to do so! You have my admiration and love.

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  69. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I am glad to have someone write about this sensibly. You are amazing, keep it up!

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  70. I hope you can feel our love for you.

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  71. Like a couple of other comments above, I, too, struggle with heterosexual urges that I have had to fight against most of my adult life. I thought I would be okay once I got married, as they could then be satisfied within the bounds of marriage. I was wrong. Although I fully repented of my younger days of promiscuity, and I have held callings of leadership in the church for many years, I still have to occasionally drive back "the natural man." Our test in this life is to see if we will subject our bodies to our spirits, and for some of us, this will be a lifelong contest of wills between the two. I admire your strength, determination and character. I know you will be blessed exceedingly for overcoming one of the hardest trials a person can be subjected to. I hope that my family members who struggle with SSA will read read your blog as I post it to my FB profile. What a wonderful gift it is to have this medium to bless the lives of others who otherwise never would have been able to hear your message!

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  72. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I am a first time reader and I have some very close friend's who have same sex attractions, but have gone another direction. It makes me so proud to read how strong your testimony is. Thank you, so much. I plan on reading more often.

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  73. What an insightful post. I am impressed that you would take time to read it and listen to the spirit and have a confirmation for yourself. If only more people would do that instead of jumping all over it and belittling it. President Packer is a great man and would never speak or say anything without the utmost love!! Thank you- the world needs more insight such as this!

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  74. thank you so much for posting your views on this. as a young australian mormon constantly attacked for my religious beleifs on this subject, it was uplifting and strengthening to read of your beliefs and thoughts on this subject.

    thank you :)

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  75. Thank you so much for your words of patience, understanding, and humility. You made some very good points in the right spirit. I appreciated everything you said. Your attitude towards your struggle reminds me that, like you said, the best way for those without this burden to make a difference is to respond with love. There are a lot of people out there praying for you and others who bear this burden. Because of my testimony in Christ, I know that there is a way for all of us to become whole through His Atonement. You very obviously are full of this same faith. Know that there are people out there who do not judge you and who love you as a brother or sister of our Heavenly Father.

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  76. Great post. We all have our weaknesses and temptations that we must deal with. We all have our battles and crosses. For many, it is keeping heterosexual desires under control. For some it is alcoholism, etc, etc. The fact that your battle is against homosexual attraction doesn't make you in any way inferior to anyone else. We all have battles of some kind. The key is that whatever our battle is, we never give up, or excuse ourselves, but rather turn to the Lord in humility throughout our lives as did the publican (Luke 18:9-14), and seek His help and forgiveness often, and "continue moving forward." In the end, only the Lord can truly know if we've done the best we could with the "talents" we were given--and that is clearly all He expects of us. (Matthew 25:14-30) As a fellow latter day saint, I thank you for your thoughts.

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  77. I believe that Heavenly Father only gives us what we can handle. And I like to think that those members who are the most tough and have the strongest testimonies are the ones with the worst trials. From what I read on your blog, you must be an amazing man. Thank you for your words.

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  78. Thank you. As someone who deals with a husband addicted to pornography, that was what stood out to me. But I also have many gay friends who have left the Church. I knew this would give them justification and fuel to continue to bash their former religion.
    Thank you for sharing your testimony and sharing that you can be a strong and active member and struggle with SSA and any other issue. With God nothing is impossible, but you must reach and take his hand.

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  79. I heard an interview with Elder Dallin H. Oaks and he was asked a lot of questions about homosexual feelings. He said that as long as they don't act on it, and do their best to overcome it, that person will be in the right. And, honestly, as I read that, I assumed that if anyone had those feelings, they just gave in to them. But I see I am wrong. Good for you for bearing this cross and trusting in the Lord. It makes me wonder what I am doing in my own life that I should bear with more courage and faith in. If you can do it, then I can too. : ) Thanks.

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  80. You are my hero!!! You have an amazing attitude, and I am in awe. Hang in there!

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  81. Thank you for sharing your insights. Your response is beautiful and obviously a product of much pondering and struggle. I appreciate your comments very much.

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  82. From personal experience with SSA temptations, my focus on the temptations changed. And over the years, the temptations lessened. Like other moods the SSA feeling took center stage at earlier times in my life. And I was able to balance my trouble over the sexual attractions with my other life interests. So when presented with the options to live a gay lifestyle, I did not choose to pursue that, even though the thoughts of the sexual activity made my heart rush.

    So, on my path I choose to move other feelings and thoughts into center stage like the For Young Men only pamphlet says, and the positive lifestyle thoughts replaced my SSA feelings. Fortunately, I surrounded myself with other real people that lead balanced lives geared towards missions, education family and careers, and they showed me love and attention. I tried not to isolate myself and obsess on fantasy. These goals and people helped look at the consequences of my actions when tempted. I consciously choose my path and that got easier over the years.

    And I still fight fearlessly for my choice to act and shun addiction while admitting I am weak and can't do it alone. I know that many with SSA tried this and failed to stay on the path for various reasons that need to be validated.

    But for me I like your other posting quoting from the talk ,"But if not... " I stayed the course now for over 20+ years have a wife and family. There are times when depressed or out of sorts that I turn and look at Sodom or Gomorrah, but I regret it and pull myself out of that spiral.

    And I turn to the Lord, weakened when I look back, and I begin my climb out of life's dark holes. I also avoid media influence and people who's humor celebrates the gay lifestyle and unreal stereotypes. So basically I can't watch too much these days : ) Reality experiences with men are important as well.

    I do agree that people like me are sensitive, artistic and have attachment issues, and it does seem dark at times, these mixed up feelings that other "guys" don't seem to have. I have found that many of those "guys" are very different when you really get to know them. I tend to focus on reality, mindfulness and sacred things like music and words from our prophets to lift me up, and my SSA feelings are left (hopefully) to wither away on their own. It also helps to appreciate beauty of humanity, and fortunately I am very attracted also to women..

    I also participated in the ARP through the Church, and journaled my life and feelings where I saw how I developed impressions about how I felt, how I was raised etc... but I laid it all out there to the Lord and decided to seek healing, and at times the Savior's love has comforted me and filled me with love, not to mention has protected me from acting out.

    I don't claim that my story is the same as anyone else's, but now as I approach middle age, I seek a balanced life with myself, the Lord, the earth, my wife and children, and it makes the falls less severe, and the temptations that I guard against have lessened but not completely disappeared. Time has helped.... It does get better. Enjoying being a little different and aware of different perspectives of life is not a curse, but choosing strength and Heavenly Father's plan has made it for me a fulfilling life.

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  83. In reading this post it brough me back to the time that I was living with my sister as she stuggled with this same issue. I would go with her to meeting and even a conference to help and support her, and others, in dealing with this struggle. She has since, been excommunicated and lives with yet another partner. My family still loves her no matter what she does, but reading this brought back all the talks we had and the strength that she had at this time. The conference that I went to with her, it amazed me to see all the men and women that were in singles wards that I had been in. This is a real struggle and it is a painful struggle, I felt the pain and the heartache with my sister. I still feel the pain and heartache that she has even now.

    I posted a comment on a facebook page in support of President Packer, but it was misconstrued and taken totally out of context and taken as that I was being hypocritical; at least that is what one of the men said in response. I even said that we as faithful members of the church, should show love and support and that it may be a challenge for some, but everyone is a child of God and needs to be treated as such. I don't know how that can be taken to have offense, but it did.

    My sister-in-law (well legally she's not married to my sister - but, we claim her as family and love her as family) got upset with me for saying that living the way they did was a choice. She said that she would never choice to have this struggle, but she did choose to live with my sister and to leave her husband for this. My sister always chooses other women that have been married before and have children, this is the only way that she's had children is through her partners that have them. I told my sister-in-law that just as I chose to marry my husband, she chose to be with my sister. That is a choice that she made. She still didn't see it as a choice, but I wasn't intending to hurt her with my comments. We just agree to disagree and don't talk about it anymore.

    I also have a friend that is gay and, I guess it is also offensive to say that he lives a gay lifestyle; because they say that sexual orientation is not a lifestyle. I've not talked to him about the talk from President Packer, but I've seen many negative and crude comments on his facebook page about Pres. Packer.

    I am frustrated that it seems lately, whatever someone says it offends those that are gay. I'm sorry that anything I've said in here may seem offensive, but it is not intended to be. I've been offending many people lately concerning this subject, but I guess it is just that I believe what the LDS church teaches about this, and this is offensive to them. I try to show love and support and acceptance of everyone, no matter what they are or what they choose to do with their life. Everyone on this earth is a child of God and God loves them, so it is not my place to feel differently towards them.

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  84. Thank you for being such a loving person. This talk is very important in my eyes, and with friends who are dealing with same sex relations, it has hit home. Alot of people are hateful to the church because they think the just shun everyone who has same sex thoughts. however it is very important to see that it is to far from the truth. The church is loving and will help anyone who is able to accept it. Thank you again!

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  85. Thank you so much for your post. I believe President Packer's talk was beautiful and inspired, but unfortunately I have been personally dealing with a lot of backlash and unkind comments from friends of mine who have different views; some of whom are gay and feel personally threatened by the church and President Packer, and therefore feel the need to attack. This post coming from someone who is gay and living in the church and who is so insightful has been a great comfort to me! You are living proof that accusations against the church that I hear so often(that the church exiles and hates gays) are not true. Our Father loves all His children. Thank you for your incredible example.

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  86. Thank you for your time and thoughts in presenting your spirit-filled impressions of President Packer's talk. I appreciate all that you and other people have written on your blog.

    I have struggled with same sex attraction. I see others who struggle with other temptations that never seem interesting to me. I, however, am not defined by my temptations. I, like you, know that I'm a child of my Heavenly Father, with limitless devine potential. I can testify to you through my life experience that there is but one way to overcome this temptation and the inevitable sins that accompany it. It is not through courage, hard work or gritting your teeth. The only way to have our natures changed is through Jesus Christ, our Savior! We who have struggled know this. Hence, this "thorn in our flesh" has turned to be a wonderful devine invitation to come to know Him - to come to hold his hand and do what we alone cannot. Miracles just didn't happen in the scriptures and in previous dispensations, but happen every day in the heart of those brothers and sisters struggling with same sex attraction who are able to change and live the blessed lives that their Eternal Heavenly Father would have them lead. This is my testimony and this is my life - grateful for those things that turn me to Him! Same sex attraction is just one of those things!

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  87. YOu are so inspiring! I am not homosexual, but reading how you understand how you choose god over worldly things is amazing!

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  88. I was led here through facebook and loved reading your thought process. Thank you.

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  89. glad I found your blog. As a member of the LDS church, I feel like so many people (in the church) think that if one is gay, they are unrighteous. That is not so. I wish I could relay what the church really believes to them.

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  90. I heard the talk and genuinely didn't even here it being applied to people with the attraction to the same sex, just that a moral law was just that, a law. So i'm really glad that you and others who have commented, who did notice the correlation between the temptations to pornography and those of your attractions, have come out to say that his words were not spoken in malice. Thanks for being a good example of love and faith. I've had a hard time deciding on how I feel about the "gay" issues and I'm glad to know that I don't have to feel like a bad guy for believing that we were sent here to procreate and raise our families in truth. Well anyways, all you who have commented as well as you gay mormon guy thanks for your examples of faith to me!

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  91. Your faith is inspiring to me. I'm a member, also, and sometimes I have so many issues with building a testimony. You seem almost unwavering to me. I think your blog will help me a lot, and I just wanted to say thank you.

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  92. Another dissenting post with an interesting twist, this time by an author named “Paul”

    I find it extremely interesting that the overwhelming majority of comments here have been from apparently straight women letting their emotions gush. There has been so much of this, both in comments and in original posts, that I can't help wondering if the whole blog is contrived…

    You would think that a blog title like (Gay) Mormon Guy would ward off hundreds of comments, but, then again, I have no clue how anyone else, women or men, think. If I didn’t have this struggle, I would never follow a facebook link to this blog.

    As far as being contrived, no way. I guess I trust people implicitly… and assume that everyone else will trust me because there’s not really a reason to be dishonest when I’m hopefully anonymous. Whatever. My blog is totally and completely true. It’s also designed to be a missionary tool – hence why I edit comments and try to respond.

    The facebook rage is slowly dying down, though, which means that maybe I’ll be able to respond to comments again… and post the backlog of comments that needed to be edited to fit the theme here. The only reason yours is out of order is because you mentioned it.

    If you’re wondering more, just ask me some questions. I won’t give you any identifying information, but you can ask whatever you want and I’ll answer honestly.


    …Boyd Packer preached things which have been soundly disproven by every reputable professional organization in the world which has ever studied the issue he addressed…

    There was another guy who posted a comment sort of like this a while ago. I don’t know what post it was under, but he interpreted President Packer’s talk to say, “God would never create men who were attracted to men, and those who are currently attracted to men can change their sexual orientation.” President Packer didn’t say that. He said, “There are some who feel they are preset and cannot overcome inborn tendencies towards the impure or unnatural. Not so…” and from my interpretation, and the Church’s (as seen in clarifications and press releases), he was talking about overcoming temptations. He even clarifies it in the next statement: “God would not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able.” That totally makes sense in light of looking at the issue from the side of pornography or sexual relations outside of marriage, which are also addressed in the talk. There are some men who are strongly attracted to women they aren’t married to. This statement was for them, too. I’ve studied psychology. And while some might disagree, the whole profession of psychology is built around the statement, “Men are free according to the flesh…” and influencing behavior and emotions.

    I didn’t post the rest of your comment because it wasn’t criticism that seemed relevant to this post. Thanks for commenting, though.

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  93. Great personal reaction and analysis of Elder Packer's talk. I appreciate it.
    I have a young teenage daughter who is very different from me. It is good for me to love her and be rooting for her even as I am mystified at what she finds difficult (things that were never tempting to me) and also see the other areas that she is so strong in (things that were beyond me).
    The Lord is wants us to use our strengths for good and is rooting for us to overcome our own individual weaknesses.

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  94. I love the way you expressed yourself about President Packer's recent General Conference talk. I also like the way you analyzed his talk and noted specifics about sexual sin--not just homosexuality, but pornography, adultery, and fornication.
    Thank you for taking the time to understand and helping others understand what the intent and content of the talk was.
    I'm posting your blog to my facebook account, too, as it is so well-written.
    Thank you!

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  95. For some reason, I always found it difficult to believe that anyone gay would want to be apart of church, because of our beliefs against homosexuality. So when I found your blog, I was immediately curious and slightly impressed.

    I just wanted to say I think you're amazing. The way you deal with your temptation is wonderful, and I'm very impressed and inspired.

    Thank you for sharing. :)

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  96. Thank You! Powerful.

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  97. What wonderful insights. Thank you for disecting what President Packer said. I am a heterosexual woman and as Presidenct Packer spoke at Conference, I couldn't help but think about the gay population of the world, and probably because the media coverage of Prop 8, etc. You helped me understand that President Packer was gearing his talk to all sexual "impurity" and that these effect people with both homosexual or heterosexual tendencies. Most people who view pornography don't go public about it. I'm sure that those LDS individuals with this problem, who sat and listened to President Packer's words, had equally strong feelings about his inspired message. No one is invicible to the sting of the truth. Thank you again! We all need hope and support to overcome our weaknesses, which come in so many different shapes and sizes.

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  98. (Gay) Mormon Guy: I, too, was impressed by your interpretation. I have never had same-sex tendencies, but had several close friends in high school who did and I sincerely want them to be happy, so I always struggle with how to express both the Lord's plan and my desire for their happiness. You did a wonderful job doing both.

    Also, I totally agree with your interpretation of the talk. I also went back and reread the talk and what I got out of it was not anti-homosexual, it was anti-sin. I agree that Elder Packer was addressing any behavior or tendency that leads us away from Christ, whether it be pornography, adultery, homosexuality, anger, alcoholism, laziness, etc. He specifically talked about pornography, but his talk was about any sin.

    Thank you for being so inspired to share this. Keep up the good work! I appreciate your testimony and strength.

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  99. I know you've received hundreds of comments already, but I just want to tell you that after all the negative lashing out, slandering, and mockery of LDS beliefs in general, your post is beyond refreshing. Your attitude displays exactly what Elder Packer was intending. Everyone on this earth is faced with many forms of temptation. The exciting thing is we all have the gift of agency to choose how we personally handle our temptations and inclinations.

    I can't imagine the burden it must be to feel same gender attraction as a Latter Day Saint. However, I do know what it feels like to be faced with temptation so horribly intense that at times it seems impossible to resist or ignore. I also know that we will never be tempted beyond what we are able to withstand.

    Be strong and have faith. Continue your prayers. Take full advantage of Christ's atoning sacrifice for you and He will make your burdens light. You're probably already doing these things, as I don't think that you would care about resisting such strong temptations if you weren't. You will be rewarded for choosing to accept Heavenly Father's laws instead of the world's views.

    I'd like to leave you with a couple scriptures, which I'm sure aren't new to you, but clearly convey important messages just the same. I wish you all the best.

    1 Cor. 10: 13
    There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

    James 1: 12-14
    Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.

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  100. You are amazing! Those who feel that we, as Mormon's, "hate" those with homosexual feelings simply don't understand. My love and prayers go out to you. I honestly can't think of anything harder than what you face. Thank you for your goodness, your courage and especially your faith. You make me want to be better!

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  101. It is really nice to see a voice of peace and security in all the hatred and backlash that have been going around the internet because of this talk. It is also very inspiring for someone to talk openly about their trials and struggles. I really look up to you and think you are an amazing person.

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  102. I know there are hundreds of posts here already. But I have a brother who struggles also with same-sex attraction. I am still trying to understand why the Lord has let this be one of Satan's bruises on the heels of mankind, I might never know. However I do really have a testimony of Paul's words. I felt very uplifted by Elder Packer's talk and felt that his comments on overcoming our temptaions thru the priesthood was so comforting. I know that no one's road in life is easy, but this talk gave me hope and comfort for my brother and others in similar situations. Thank you for sharing your testimony about this, it also gives me hope that my brother in not alone and that he is also trying and doing the right things. I wish you all the best, you are a good man, don't ever doubt it. :)

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  103. Well said. I mentioned your post in my podcast (HoldFastPodcast.com) and posted a link to here as well.

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  104. What an awesome post and blog! I am so happy to have found you, I have a few friends who likewise face similar challenges and I often wonder on their perspective on such issues. Thanks for being a brave voice, it boosts our collective member consciousness.

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  105. Pornography is impure and unnatural. Perhaps he was not alluding to same sex attraction when he said "impure and unnatural."

    I also felt the what I think was the spirit as I was reading your comments. Suddenly I felt warm inside for no apparent reason. I'm guessing that was the spirit.

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  106. Thank you for your post, for this blog. You're posts are very faithful & inspirational. I feel unable to speak on the subject as I have never experienced the trial of same-gender attraction. But I do believe that it is a choice. Not having the attraction, but acting on it. And that is what so many people just can't seem to understand. They think that they should do or say anything and everything they feel and by moderating their actions they are denying their true self. It is a really prevalent attitude in society, and not isolated to same-gender attraction. Thank you again.

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  107. You are amazing. If only more people could stop and self evaluate and try to decide why these things might be saving us and healing us, even if they hurt a little, this world would be closer to Heaven than it's ever been. Thank you.

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  108. Goodness, I am so gald I came across this.
    Thank you for taking the time to go through it again, and not let any unkind feelings or offense overshadow your thoughts.
    You are a inspiration, and an example.

    I have no idea the struggles that you face, but I find your strength remarkable.

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  109. Inspired. Your words have helped many I am sure. So refreshing to hear the voice of someone who isn't perfect, but is clearly close to the Savior and feels the Spirit. We all have the demons in our lives that we're battling, even us church attending, prayer saying, scripture reading, married in the temple people. Not all our temptations are the same, but we ALL have them. We can all argue where those temptations came from, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that the Lord gave us the tools to overcome, and until we can overcome he gave us the Spirit of comfort and love. Great, inspiring post. Caught it b/c of facebook and hope others see it too.

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  110. This was a great post about an important talk by Elder Packer. I think that you're analysis of the talk is perhaps the best I've read so far about the subject. I would add more, but most of what I wanted to say has already been added in the comments section. Thanks.

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  111. Thank you for your eloquence and testimony.

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  112. I'm so glad I stumbled across this blog. I found a link to this posting on another blog. I am so inspired by your words. I havent been able to stop reading your other postings. They are so inspirational. You have such a lovely spirit. I wish I knew you because I want to be your friend. You have made me much more aware of how I treat others. I have no idea what is in other peoples hearts or what there struggles are, just as they do not know mine. I just need to be open, loving and have good intentions toward all of my brothers and sisters.
    Thank you so much, I'm your new biggest fan.
    By the way, I think it's really sweet that you respond to the comments :)

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  113. Thank you!

    I'm having a struggle right now understanding those who so vehemently hate me just because I'm a mormon, and they're gay. I've had professional backlash because of it, and it's not really hard to understand why they feel so angry. But I wonder why they hate me so much... I guess it feels very personal, though really they must be just angry towards the body of the church and what we stand for.

    I was wondering what was felt by those who do struggle with the trial of having those feelings but also having a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

    Thank you for answering that so perfectly.

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  114. What an amazing experience reading this blog, very touching! God bless you for your faith.
    I have personally known two men who left the Church to follow their natural impulses for a number of years, then returned and were later married in the temple. One of them was a close friend with whom I stayed in contact during his 14 years away. He testified to me that he had changed his sexual orientation through self-denial and God’s help. Sadly, he contracted HIV during those 14 years and later died of AIDS while serving on the High Council. My heart goes out to anyone with this challenge. Yet, no one is exempt from challenges in this life.

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  115. I've spent the last half hour reading through a lot of these comments. To someone who is gay, they are incredibly depressing. 95% of you have no idea what its like to walk a mile in our shoes. You think all trials are created equal. Forgive me if I seriously disagree. Homosexuality creates hopelessness among those who have it, and are trying to live the gospel. Loneliness becomes their rule. Their suicide rate is beyond any reasonable figure. You all have a great deal to learn.

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  116. man i admire you. my dad left the church and my family for a man and ii know he stuggle with it for years. i admire you for trying to do what you know is right and true and i hope that you do find the peace and happiness in years to come.

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  117. I teach the 4th Sunday lesson in Relief Society in my ward (Teachings for Our Times). They are based on the most recent General Conference talks. This month my lesson is on the talk given by President Packer that inspired this blog post. I didn't specifically remember what it was on but when I read it, I was reminded of you and how you inspired me to have the strength to overcome my own temptations. We each have something to overcome, don't we? The lessons and specific temptations are different for everyone but we all have them, and that is why we shouldn't judge each other. Only be a light to others. I believe you are a light to others and you have definately made an impact on me. I hope that you won't mind if I use you as an example of strength and hope in overcoming such temptations.

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  118. I really like this post as well as what others have said. I commend you for being so faithful and true to the teachings of the Gospel. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you but I know you will be rewarded if not in this life, than in the next. I have a sister that's lesbian that gave up on trying, so I find a lot of happiness when I see people like you that continue the fight. Keep it up, you'll continue to succeed :]

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  119. My dear Brother,
    You are certainly a choice spirit, your words are eloquant, inspired, and precise. I pray that with time you find your soul at peace. I know without a shadow of doubt that you chose to be here, you chose to come to earth, gain a body, struggle, overcome the world, and claim your birthright as a son of our Heavenly Father. I love you, sincerely. I love you without even knowing you, because you are my brother. My heart is saddened by the weight that rests on your shoulders, but I have faith in you! I am proud of you, for all that you have already accomplished. Your testimony is a beautiful Tree, cultivate it, and your tree will grow. Be "A city on a hill that cannot be hide." The gift with words that you have, your testimony, and your faith will lead you to being able to help others. I know this.
    Thank you for your Strength. Thank you for your endurance. Thank you for your love.
    I love you.
    Our Brother, Lord, and Savior LOVES you.
    Heavenly Father Loves you, unceasingly.

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  120. Thank you.

    I do not struggle with SGA, but I did struggle, and continue to struggle at times, with sexual addiction for the majority of my life. I feel that every trial we face is truly for our greatest benefit. I would be a completely different person had I not been through this. My greatest strengths and qualities came from it.

    I feel that as you are guided by the spirit to speak out as you have been, you will be able to help many understand the strength and happiness that comes through the Atonement.

    My cousin is gay, we love him so much, but he has become very bitter toward the church. Your story gives me added hope that he will one day be able to understand the great love Heavenly Father has for him, and the happiness available through the gospel.

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  121. (G)MG: I was surprised to see that the majority of people who have commented on here are straight LDS members. It doesn't surprise me that they all agree with President Packer so readily, nor that they take this struggle, trial, or situation lightly.

    Over my lifetime, I have come to know dozens of gay LDS people. Almost all of them have worked hard to follow Heavenly Father, live the Gospel, serve missions, go to the temple, pray, read, attend church, etc. Some do this for 20, some 30, some 40 years of their life. None of them have been "changed". None have stopped being gay. Some (I can count on 1 hand) have chosen not to act on their feelings. Others have chosen to live gay. Even some of them attend church weekly and some are active in the church. But, there really are only a handful of us that seem to fit that category. Every year I hear of people late in life choosing a different path.

    I can definitely understand their pain and the reason they have made their decisions. For most, it is a near impossible fete to tackle. You are lucky that your path is easy for you. I really applaud your efforts and success.

    One such gay LDS guy is currently renting a room from me. After years of living the gospel, he has decided to come out to his family. While I don't agree with his full decision or his methods, it hasn't changed the respect I have for the love he still shows for his Savior and his family. I am not sure where his life will take him. But, I do know that his family continues to drive him away from them and 'their' church. They tell him he isn't gay. They exclude him from family events, talk about him behind his back (and in front of him), and call him an "unnatural thing". Comments like these, by members and other Christians, may fulfill a need to speak for God or 'hate the sin', but they take their toll on members. It isn't long before a person will become what people are calling them.

    Congrats to YOU! You seem to be dealing with them very well. Good luck in the fight, brother. I can't agree with some of the comments by your posters. But, I can say that I know that God lives. He is my Savior, brother, and biggest supporter. It is ONLY through his atonement that we can all repent and gain access to eternal life. May we all continue to grow closer to him.

    Your brother & friend,
    -- M

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  122. Obviously, I'm coming a little "late" to this discussion, but I am so impressed by the attitude you have towards Pres Packer's talk. I remember watching it during General Conference and hearing it as a strong talk about pornography...I didn't really apply the main message to homosexuality. I was so surprised and confused when there was so much backlash because of it. Since the talk I had become aware of the statements and thoughts that people thought were attacking homosexuality, but I know that President Packer is a prophet of God and wouldn't say such things in the ways people were interpreting them. However, I did not have the right words to express that sentiment without sounding like I was blindly following a leader of the church. Here, you have expressed the words and thoughts I need. At this point in my life, I don't know of anyone in my life who struggles with same-gender attraction, but I love having resources like your blog so I can learn how to better support and love others no matter their orientation. Thank you again!

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  123. Thank you for this blog; it is exactly what I need. I am 67 and have had a lifelong problem. At the age of six I knew I had attraction to males (I can remember the occasion as if it were yesterday), and through the years I have suffered divorce, Church inactivity, promiscuity, actually making a living writing gay-male pornography, and finally alcoholism—which was actually a blessing in that I finally sank so low I touched the bottom. With the spiritual helps in AA, I “came to myself” and crawled back to my Father’s house. The bishop welcomed me back to the Church after 22 years of inactivity, and I glowed in the love I thought I could never feel again.
    I have been active in the Church for more than a year now, and during that time I felt a wonderful freedom from the gay temptations that plagued me before—almost to the point that I thought I had been “cured.” “Hey, I’m not gay anymore!” But recently I have felt “old urges,” and I suspect I might have been given a “bye” in gay tendencies in the early days of my return to church activity but now am required to face head-on the problem at the base of my personality.
    I know, of course, the principles of replacing bad thoughts with good ones (this is a tenet of AA, too—if a temptation lands on your shoulder, just flick it away). Pornography is a danger to me, of course, but unfortunately I can conjure it within my own head—having written hundreds of stories. After scripture reading, prayer, and other mental exercises today, I came across your blog (while fretting to myself that even reading innocent information about homosexuality was still thinking about it). I was delighted to find information that “talked me down” and out of the current. I will read your blog with enthusiasm. It is exactly what I need to see.

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