Dream.
Sleeping wish
To waking thought,
Then a goal of faith.
Life grows brighter
Work grows wings
Hopes move
From
Night to day.
When work is done
Though it is or not,
Dream another.
Dream.
Since I was little, I've had a dream. I've dreamt of falling in love with a girl and having a family of my own. Every wish I've made on the stars, every silent hope as I blow out birthday candles, every New Years resolution, and most of my prayers echo that dream. It guides my choices in life and pushes me to act each day.
I used to pray that God would help me find my wife (soon). But I've realized that prayer wasn't really the best way to fulfill my dream. Finding my wife wasn't something that could come true each day. It would happen once, and then I'd stop praying for it. And praying for it each day sometimes made me think that it was completely in His hands - and that I had nothing more to change or do. Honestly, I have no idea when it will happen... but as long as I'm doing my part, the timing for this part of my life will work out.
So the prayer I pray now, and the wish I make on stars, is this: Help me become the man I need to be today... so that I can be a better father, husband, teacher, and friend when that time comes. It's something I can work towards for the rest of my life. That dream fills the dual roles of helping me focus on and prepare for marriage, and also improve my talents and faith to fill the roles the Lord has in store for me today. It pushes me to write, to read, to work, and to grow. To exercise, to eat better, to engage in meaningful conversation and share the love I have with the world.
I should always have a dream that guides life. A righteous dream full of hope, life, love, and happiness. A reason to wake up each morning and work through the day, a hope that abides in the darkest hours of trial and tribulation, and a guiding force to making goals and changing human nature for the better.
There have been times in my life that I've looked up at the sky and wondered if I should let my dreams die. If I'm never going to be good enough, or if perhaps I chose the wrong dream to begin with. But I've realized that, even if my dream doesn't come true in this life (and I believe it will), having that dream is still worthwhile. It makes me a better man, more kind, forgiving, loving, and willing to change. It opens my heart to helping others fulfill their righteous dreams.
And if, after all is said and done, whether the dream is or is not come true, it was still worth it for the dreaming. The work, the life, the people are still changed forever. And then I can dream another dream.
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
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Sunday, April 15
5 comments:
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I should take your example and do this myself.
ReplyDeleteYour faith is an example for everyone who have the same trials, like me. I love your blog and it helps a lot everytime I read it. Thanks for sharing your faith, hope and love for Our Savior.
ReplyDeleteYour words remind me of those I've heard from a few female friends who've been looking and waiting for the right guy to come along for a long time. I, too, have something I pray for that I want to be hurried along. My son has fallen away from the gospel and I wait for the day he'll return. I know it will happen. I've wondered if I should pray for a speedy return. Then in a general conference a couple years ago one of the speakers talked about this very thing. He said something to the effect that we should pray for their quick return so that they can spend more of their time doing those things our Heavenly Father would like them to as well as help to further the Lords work- VERY paraphrased. I do pray for this as it's something I feel the Lord would want. I jump when I feel promptings that may help me to better the situation and then I try to be patient. Everything is in the Lord's time yet, when it's his will that something happen I don't think their's anything wrong with praying for it to happen quickly, as long as we don't become impatient in the process.
ReplyDeleteI do like that you've found a way to pray that makes you feel good.
I hope that even if you don't ever fall in love with a girl, you will continue to stay strong in the gospel.
ReplyDeleteI hope you remain strong in your personal calling. I am myself bisexual (attracted to both men and women), as everyone knows around me, including my beloved wife. We actually met while I was still an out of the closet gay man, and I was not going to church anymore, for it would have not allowed me to live my sexuality as fully as I intended, nor would it anyone who is 100% gay. She is not LDS, nor does she belong to any particular religion for that matter, but recently she expressed the need to come out and start asking God about how we can improve our life as a couple, and given my attraction to men that remains unfed. I found your post on personal ministry particularly inspiring, and I shall add this as an advice for when you find that person : for each present God gives us, there shall be a trial attached to it so we shall become who He wants us to be if we survive this trial. May God and the stars be gentle with you.
ReplyDelete