I got a letter today from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. My brother saw it in the mail, called my family back in Chicago, and watched as I opened it. I could tell there was only one piece of paper in the envelope, and something inside me braced.
But the bracing wasn't really necessary. Any news is good news when you're focusing on doing the right thing and simply waiting for the Lord to give direction. So there wasn't a rush of emotions as I looked down at the paper and saw little checks by the areas of "Appropriate Vibrato" and "Vocal Style." From seeing those, I knew that the letter was not an invitation to join the choir. A moment later, a wave of unasked relief washed over me. I had felt like I should try out. Part of me wanted to be in the choir. I willingly signed away 5 years of my life to be a musical missionary, and the simple thought of being a missionary again made my blood race.
Except...
I feel total peace right now. And the relief is still there. And I think I know why now.
I've had only one concern about my participation in MoTab. It wasn't a big concern... just something at the back of my mind that made me wonder if it was the right place for me. It's been totally tangential and seemed to not really matter. My one concern was that... the Mormon Tabernacle Choir doesn't perform the style of singing that opens me up inside. Singing in church choirs is amazing. Don't get me wrong. Performing in church is something that I love. But choral pieces, at least in the history of the choir, all have a similar style, and it's not the play-with-it pop/jazz/whatever I want that makes music sing for me. And maybe Mack could tell that just from reading my musical resume and listening to me sing. Or God could.
I'm not trying to do a sour grapes routine. Singing with MoTab would have been an amazing experience, and maybe God will prompt me to try out again sometime in the next 30 years. But as I sit here with the letter that I haven't actually read all the way through yet, and maybe won't, I'm far more focused on the concert that I have tonight with my a cappella group... and finding something like that, scaled up a bit, would make me even more excited that a spot in the choir loft. Last night at practice, between practicing numbers for tonight's show, we started singing Christmas songs. And, since we know each other well, we play with it. No preparation. No one calling the shots. Just 8 guys listening to each other, singing together, having fun. Switching styles, pushing tempos, chopping words... and laughing, singing, and it sounds amazing. Amazing enough that we won't have to practice for our Christmas stuff. We can just do it, and be awesome... even if someone calls in a request. As long as we have someone who knows the words, and maybe another two to start the chord progression... we can sing and make it beautiful. And that - the feeling of being totally free, not bound down by notes or tempos or rhythm or anything else... the ability to do anything and have it be good... that's the reason I sing. I thought that I was trying to find it in MoTab. And yet I've found a piece of it with 7 other guys in Provo.
It's not a dream choir... and there are things I would change. We only practice twice a week for an hour or two, and we definitely don't have the performance schedule of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Most of us are crazy busy with school, work, life... and we're losing our beat-boxer in January because of a music job he's taking in Reno. But it's good in the moment. And, for the moment, that's good enough. Maybe someday I'll have the guts to try to move it in the direction I want to go... or make my own group to travel that way. Who knows. :)
You're invited to come to our concert tonight. It's at 8:00pm in the JSB auditorium on BYU campus. We're group #6 out of 8 groups total performing. We'll just be singing 3 songs. Then hopefully sometime soon we'll do some fun other performances. Walk through the mall singing impromptu Christmas songs... carol at care centers... and we have at least one corporate Christmas party that signed us up to perform. Ideas? For Christmas stuff we don't even need everyone to be available... since we just play. :)
And now I find myself wondering:
What's next?
Thanks for your support, your prayers, and your love. I'm glad to know and feel that God is actively involved in my life.
Update: A few weeks later I started Grace. Grace was a semester-long a cappella group that had a blast. We went from strangers to performing full-length concerts at the Covey Center in Provo in just 11 weeks. Follow this link to hear Grace's cover of Pompeii on Spotify.
Or here on Google Play.
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
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Thursday, November 21
Sunday, November 17
Reconciling Faith and Feelings: 2013 Conference
Sometimes I feel so out of place.
Yesterday was the Reconciling Faith and Feelings Conference, hosted by AMCAP (Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists), FAR (the Foundation for Attraction Research), and North Star International. It was at the Utah Valley Convention Center from 9-5.
I played a couple of different roles yesterday. A couple guys from my a cappella group Morris Code were willing to be dragged into performing; we were short enough members to make it work when we performed in the morning and the afternoon, so I grabbed some people I knew walking by. "Hey! Will you sing with us right now?" We opened the morning session of the conference singing "Our Savior's Love" and the afternoon session with "Let Us All Press On." So I got to be a performer.
After the opening song, I sat down in the one empty chair on the stand became part of the first panel - people who personally experience same-sex attraction. After long-ish personal introductions, we discussed a topic that roamed for an hour, then had a short break before moving to Q&A. I suggested to the moderator that we put 6 minute time limits on the questions... so that we didn't lose people to falling asleep and so we could get to lots of questions. They ended up doing it, which was really nice.
During the breaks, however, was where I felt out of place. If I know what I'm supposed to be doing, I'm okay. But if I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing... I'm like a fish out of water. Am I supposed to spend short periods of time with lots of people, so that I can talk with all of them? Spend longer talking with one person who wants to talk with me? Somewhere in between? Go meet new people? Talk with people I already know? So complicated.
I'm pretty sure I ended up brushing some people off and spending too much time talking with others. Standoffish to some, maybe arrogant or detached... yeah. Big, unstructured events hide a seething vat of bad impressions waiting to be born.
The conference itself felt like it went well, though as time went on I definitely got more and more tired. Next year, hopefully they break stuff up more, and I think that they should give more time to the first panel at the expense of the others. But it's a learning experience. I don't think we had any professional conference planners involved in the process.
I asked two questions during the Q&A. The first one didn't get asked, but the second one did - which was cool, because there were a lot of questions submitted through texting. This was my question:
"SSA is 1 of many issues I face. I can't find a therapist who can grasp all of them as a whole. After a dozen, each gets only part of it. How can I find someone?"
The first answer let me know that I hadn't put enough information in the question, by remarking that most therapists don't really need to 'specialize' in something to be able to help clients make improvements. And yet, at least from my perspective, that doesn't feel accurate. I've had therapists who felt like they didn't know how to address being autistic, and others (who were admittedly new in the field) who had no idea how to help me with autism, mood disorders, and SSA.
The conversation continued until Ty mentioned that he felt there were definite exceptions to the "find a therapist you can connect with and it's good" rule - mental illness. Obviously, since I'm not an expert in the terminology of social psych, I didn't know that mental illness doesn't count as an issue. It's something wholly different. *sigh* Next time, I'll ask something different. Or I'll just get up the nerve to ask someone in person. But either way, I got the answer - I need to find someone who specializes in each of the major mental disorders I face, as well as someone I can click with.
In that moment, I realized that I already have a great therapist, albeit one who makes me work for advice. Christ gets me, and He's pretty much a specialist in everything I face. And He doesn't ever tell me something that makes me want to find someone else to replace Him. Yeah. *sigh*
The conference was recorded, so you can watch it if you missed it when it becomes available, probably sometime in the next month. At least watch the first panel (not just to see my shining face... though that's not a bad reason), because most of the people I talked with said they liked it best.
Yesterday was the Reconciling Faith and Feelings Conference, hosted by AMCAP (Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists), FAR (the Foundation for Attraction Research), and North Star International. It was at the Utah Valley Convention Center from 9-5.
I played a couple of different roles yesterday. A couple guys from my a cappella group Morris Code were willing to be dragged into performing; we were short enough members to make it work when we performed in the morning and the afternoon, so I grabbed some people I knew walking by. "Hey! Will you sing with us right now?" We opened the morning session of the conference singing "Our Savior's Love" and the afternoon session with "Let Us All Press On." So I got to be a performer.
After the opening song, I sat down in the one empty chair on the stand became part of the first panel - people who personally experience same-sex attraction. After long-ish personal introductions, we discussed a topic that roamed for an hour, then had a short break before moving to Q&A. I suggested to the moderator that we put 6 minute time limits on the questions... so that we didn't lose people to falling asleep and so we could get to lots of questions. They ended up doing it, which was really nice.
During the breaks, however, was where I felt out of place. If I know what I'm supposed to be doing, I'm okay. But if I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing... I'm like a fish out of water. Am I supposed to spend short periods of time with lots of people, so that I can talk with all of them? Spend longer talking with one person who wants to talk with me? Somewhere in between? Go meet new people? Talk with people I already know? So complicated.
I'm pretty sure I ended up brushing some people off and spending too much time talking with others. Standoffish to some, maybe arrogant or detached... yeah. Big, unstructured events hide a seething vat of bad impressions waiting to be born.
The conference itself felt like it went well, though as time went on I definitely got more and more tired. Next year, hopefully they break stuff up more, and I think that they should give more time to the first panel at the expense of the others. But it's a learning experience. I don't think we had any professional conference planners involved in the process.
I asked two questions during the Q&A. The first one didn't get asked, but the second one did - which was cool, because there were a lot of questions submitted through texting. This was my question:
"SSA is 1 of many issues I face. I can't find a therapist who can grasp all of them as a whole. After a dozen, each gets only part of it. How can I find someone?"
The first answer let me know that I hadn't put enough information in the question, by remarking that most therapists don't really need to 'specialize' in something to be able to help clients make improvements. And yet, at least from my perspective, that doesn't feel accurate. I've had therapists who felt like they didn't know how to address being autistic, and others (who were admittedly new in the field) who had no idea how to help me with autism, mood disorders, and SSA.
The conversation continued until Ty mentioned that he felt there were definite exceptions to the "find a therapist you can connect with and it's good" rule - mental illness. Obviously, since I'm not an expert in the terminology of social psych, I didn't know that mental illness doesn't count as an issue. It's something wholly different. *sigh* Next time, I'll ask something different. Or I'll just get up the nerve to ask someone in person. But either way, I got the answer - I need to find someone who specializes in each of the major mental disorders I face, as well as someone I can click with.
In that moment, I realized that I already have a great therapist, albeit one who makes me work for advice. Christ gets me, and He's pretty much a specialist in everything I face. And He doesn't ever tell me something that makes me want to find someone else to replace Him. Yeah. *sigh*
The conference was recorded, so you can watch it if you missed it when it becomes available, probably sometime in the next month. At least watch the first panel (not just to see my shining face... though that's not a bad reason), because most of the people I talked with said they liked it best.
Friday, November 15
My Audition for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir: Phase III
November 13th came, and I dressed up and arrived to door 25 of the Tabernacle ready to sing "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go" in the key of F.
My audition time was at 3:40, which was interesting... since most of the auditions had actually happened a week earlier. I had heard some horror stories from friends of friends, but they didn't really sound all that horrific. I mean, how horrific is it to ask someone to sing without vibrato? Unless you're an opera star and can't. Then I guess that would strike horror.
I arrived and got two pieces of paperwork to fill out. One talked about choir expectations, along with the attendance requirements, etc, and the other was a volunteer performer contract/release. That's so that the choir, or the Church, can use my likeness/voice/name/anything however they want in perpetuity throughout the universe without having to do any more legal footwork in the future. One thing caught my attention though - in something like section 10 of the contract, it said that I committed to never blogging or publishing any article through media or social media that was directly or indirectly about the Church, the Choir, or any of its affiliated groups.
Um.
That's all I blog about. Or tweet about. That's a problem.
I starred that section for followup.
3:40 came and I went in to talk with the choir president, who explained the expectations of the choir and asked if I'd be able to meet them, and also asked me what prompted me to try out for the choir this year. I told him part of the long story that had brought me to his office, and he gave some advice about how to take it if I didn't get in. I think I'll be ok. :) We also talked about some other stuff, he commented that I looked relaxed, and I went on to the real part of the audition. Before I left, I asked about the social media policy.
He said that in the past social media was totally prohibited. Ever. You couldn't really talk about being in the choir or much of anything on social media. But... that had just changed and he was happy to relate that the new policy encouraged people to blog/tweet/facebook anything that was not detrimental or confidential.
Sigh of relief.
So I'm ok blogging about my experience as long as I don't share anything that shouldn't be part of public knowledge... and as long as I don't guess or project what will happen in the future to the choir.
The accompanist, Linda, met me in the hall outside Ron's office and we walked quickly downstairs; she asked what hymn I was singing, in which key, and mentioned that she would just give me a starting chord and we'd go.
It was really that fast.
I walked in, and stood at a music stand in front of a piano where Linda sat down. About 15-20 feet away from me Ryan and Mack sat at a long table covered in papers. Mack did most of the talking, thanked me for coming, and told me that I had been prayed for, so I could relax (cue the theatrical sigh). Then he said, "We'll invite you to sing a hymn of your choice in the key of your choice." And Linda played the starting note for my song while I tried to say, "I'll be singing 'I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go' in the key of F." I didn't get to finish the statement, and began singing, definitely not ready.
I hadn't really taken a breath before beginning, and the rough start shook me up pretty bad... to the point that my voice was definitely not up to its normal par. They rifled through papers while I was singing. Mack stopped me before the chorus and said, "I see that you have a lot of musical theater background. Your voice has a pop-ish lilt to it... could you sing that again, and take the pop out? There's nothing wrong with it, just for our purposes... does that make sense?"
"Yeah, it does."
Linda played the starting notes again, and this time I was prepared.
I sang a solid tone, without added vibrato or pop inflection in the timing, and Mack and Ryan smiled. And I felt like I had redeemed myself.
Mack cut me off earlier that time. "That's great."
"If you would look at the first page, we're going to do some sight-singing. You signed up as a baritone - what part do you normally sing?"
"Um... I don't know. I sang first tenor in the opera, and second bass in my a cappella group."
"Yeah. That makes sense. People in musical theater usually end up running the gamut. We'll have you sing both then. Start with the tenor line. Linda will play the other three parts, and you'll sing yours."
I started singing and messed up the very first interval. He stopped me.
"Let's try again, and I'll help you with that first interval."
I made it through the song and messed up on the second to last note. But I could tell, and as he said, "You did great up until the very last measure," I sang the last measure again. Another smile, "That's it."
"Now try the bass line."
I sang the bass line, and, again, messed up the second to last note. And again, fixed it while he was explaining I had missed it.
"If you'll turn to the next page, you'll sing the part that's written there. Linda will give you the starting note, but after that you're on your own. The treble clef and bass clef are the same - you can sing from either part."
I read from the treble clef (I should have read from the bass... but it was really low on the page), and sang. And, again, messed up on the second to last note. "You did great until the..." and I fixed it. I see a pattern here.
The last sight-reading section was intervals. There were a bunch of measures with four notes in them; Linda gave me the starting pitch and I sang the measures on "La," following the rhythm and the pitch. The first few were easy, since I had practiced them. I hit one where I made a mistake, and Mack had me do it again. So I traced the places of the notes and fixed it. It happened again on the next one. The last interval... yeah. I think I did that one a dozen times. But I got it. And we all laughed when I did. That was my favorite part about the audition - getting honest, direct feedback and being able to put it into action, even though it was hard and stressful... and knowing that they really cared about me. I think I fell in love with Mack and Ryan during that measure. The real kind of love.
The last part was testing timbre and range. We had a discussion about which part I sang again, and then they had me go down... then up, all the way through falsetto/head voice. Mack remarked that usually you can tell what part people should sing just by listening to them. "But you're... somewhere between a tenor and a bass... that's good for you, because it means you're more flexible and you have more options." He said they would look at me based on their needs in the choir.
They said thank you, I said thank you, and I walked out while the next guy walked in.
And felt awesome.
The great part is that I feel like it was good enough. My biggest concern was that I would go to the audition and get in the way of what God wants to happen. That I would be so bad that, even if I was supposed to be in the choir, God wouldn't bother telling Mack and Ryan to say yes to me. But I feel like I was good enough that, now, it can be up to God to take care of it. If I get in, then I'll go there. "But if by a still small voice [God] calls to paths that I do not know..." I'll go where He wants me to go.
I should know in about two weeks, either way. Then choir school starts on January 2.
My Audition for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir: Resolution
My audition time was at 3:40, which was interesting... since most of the auditions had actually happened a week earlier. I had heard some horror stories from friends of friends, but they didn't really sound all that horrific. I mean, how horrific is it to ask someone to sing without vibrato? Unless you're an opera star and can't. Then I guess that would strike horror.
I arrived and got two pieces of paperwork to fill out. One talked about choir expectations, along with the attendance requirements, etc, and the other was a volunteer performer contract/release. That's so that the choir, or the Church, can use my likeness/voice/name/anything however they want in perpetuity throughout the universe without having to do any more legal footwork in the future. One thing caught my attention though - in something like section 10 of the contract, it said that I committed to never blogging or publishing any article through media or social media that was directly or indirectly about the Church, the Choir, or any of its affiliated groups.
Um.
That's all I blog about. Or tweet about. That's a problem.
I starred that section for followup.
3:40 came and I went in to talk with the choir president, who explained the expectations of the choir and asked if I'd be able to meet them, and also asked me what prompted me to try out for the choir this year. I told him part of the long story that had brought me to his office, and he gave some advice about how to take it if I didn't get in. I think I'll be ok. :) We also talked about some other stuff, he commented that I looked relaxed, and I went on to the real part of the audition. Before I left, I asked about the social media policy.
He said that in the past social media was totally prohibited. Ever. You couldn't really talk about being in the choir or much of anything on social media. But... that had just changed and he was happy to relate that the new policy encouraged people to blog/tweet/facebook anything that was not detrimental or confidential.
Sigh of relief.
So I'm ok blogging about my experience as long as I don't share anything that shouldn't be part of public knowledge... and as long as I don't guess or project what will happen in the future to the choir.
The accompanist, Linda, met me in the hall outside Ron's office and we walked quickly downstairs; she asked what hymn I was singing, in which key, and mentioned that she would just give me a starting chord and we'd go.
It was really that fast.
I walked in, and stood at a music stand in front of a piano where Linda sat down. About 15-20 feet away from me Ryan and Mack sat at a long table covered in papers. Mack did most of the talking, thanked me for coming, and told me that I had been prayed for, so I could relax (cue the theatrical sigh). Then he said, "We'll invite you to sing a hymn of your choice in the key of your choice." And Linda played the starting note for my song while I tried to say, "I'll be singing 'I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go' in the key of F." I didn't get to finish the statement, and began singing, definitely not ready.
I hadn't really taken a breath before beginning, and the rough start shook me up pretty bad... to the point that my voice was definitely not up to its normal par. They rifled through papers while I was singing. Mack stopped me before the chorus and said, "I see that you have a lot of musical theater background. Your voice has a pop-ish lilt to it... could you sing that again, and take the pop out? There's nothing wrong with it, just for our purposes... does that make sense?"
"Yeah, it does."
Linda played the starting notes again, and this time I was prepared.
I sang a solid tone, without added vibrato or pop inflection in the timing, and Mack and Ryan smiled. And I felt like I had redeemed myself.
Mack cut me off earlier that time. "That's great."
"If you would look at the first page, we're going to do some sight-singing. You signed up as a baritone - what part do you normally sing?"
"Um... I don't know. I sang first tenor in the opera, and second bass in my a cappella group."
"Yeah. That makes sense. People in musical theater usually end up running the gamut. We'll have you sing both then. Start with the tenor line. Linda will play the other three parts, and you'll sing yours."
I started singing and messed up the very first interval. He stopped me.
"Let's try again, and I'll help you with that first interval."
I made it through the song and messed up on the second to last note. But I could tell, and as he said, "You did great up until the very last measure," I sang the last measure again. Another smile, "That's it."
"Now try the bass line."
I sang the bass line, and, again, messed up the second to last note. And again, fixed it while he was explaining I had missed it.
"If you'll turn to the next page, you'll sing the part that's written there. Linda will give you the starting note, but after that you're on your own. The treble clef and bass clef are the same - you can sing from either part."
I read from the treble clef (I should have read from the bass... but it was really low on the page), and sang. And, again, messed up on the second to last note. "You did great until the..." and I fixed it. I see a pattern here.
The last sight-reading section was intervals. There were a bunch of measures with four notes in them; Linda gave me the starting pitch and I sang the measures on "La," following the rhythm and the pitch. The first few were easy, since I had practiced them. I hit one where I made a mistake, and Mack had me do it again. So I traced the places of the notes and fixed it. It happened again on the next one. The last interval... yeah. I think I did that one a dozen times. But I got it. And we all laughed when I did. That was my favorite part about the audition - getting honest, direct feedback and being able to put it into action, even though it was hard and stressful... and knowing that they really cared about me. I think I fell in love with Mack and Ryan during that measure. The real kind of love.
The last part was testing timbre and range. We had a discussion about which part I sang again, and then they had me go down... then up, all the way through falsetto/head voice. Mack remarked that usually you can tell what part people should sing just by listening to them. "But you're... somewhere between a tenor and a bass... that's good for you, because it means you're more flexible and you have more options." He said they would look at me based on their needs in the choir.
They said thank you, I said thank you, and I walked out while the next guy walked in.
And felt awesome.
The great part is that I feel like it was good enough. My biggest concern was that I would go to the audition and get in the way of what God wants to happen. That I would be so bad that, even if I was supposed to be in the choir, God wouldn't bother telling Mack and Ryan to say yes to me. But I feel like I was good enough that, now, it can be up to God to take care of it. If I get in, then I'll go there. "But if by a still small voice [God] calls to paths that I do not know..." I'll go where He wants me to go.
I should know in about two weeks, either way. Then choir school starts on January 2.
My Audition for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir: Resolution
Sunday, November 10
My Audition for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir: Phase II
October 12th arrived, and early in the morning I drove to Salt Lake City (dressed up this time), parked beneath the Conference Center, and joined a tiny group of people rubbing their hands together outside the Tabernacle.
We were 15 minutes early, but they let us inside. We went downstairs under the Tabernacle into a large room filled with long tables. I took a front row seat after returning my book and calling out my name (twice) to people checking attendance on opposite sides of the room.
The room filled quickly, with names being called out again and again, until all but one person was accounted for. She arrived, all 108 of us were there.
We had been asked to bring nothing but a water bottle to the test. On the table at each seat was a sharpened #2 pencil and a two-sided multiple-choice testing form. The woman to my right said she was a piano teacher, and the one on her right taught voice. I mentioned that I had never taken a theory class... but none of us really knew what to expect.
One of the choir staff (he said his usual duty is herding cats) introduced us to the process and spent about 20 minutes emphasizing the time / energy commitment required to perform with the choir.
The test itself is divided into multiple different sections, but follows the letter that they had sent almost exactly. Most of the time for the test was spent on aural skills - they put in a CD, pressed play, and we followed the instructions. I learned early on that it was good to be in the front row; the voice-over style of the CD's was probably from decades ago... and they could only turn it up so loud.
When one CD or testing sheet was done, they handed out another... and another... and maybe even a fourth. I felt pretty confident in all the sections but one - feeling for the tonal center - and in that section I was pretty sure I'd rack up most of my errors.
These are the sections that were covered in the listening test (taken directly from the letter they sent out - the test covered exactly these sections):
These are the sections that were covered in the listening test (taken directly from the letter they sent out - the test covered exactly these sections):
- Tonal Memory (aural):
- Listen to a solid chord and an arpeggiated chord. Decide if the first (1st), second (2nd), third (3rd), or fourth (4th) note of the arpeggiated chord is changed from the notes in the solid chord.
- Melody Recognition (aural):
- Listen to a melody played alone, then harmonized. In the harmonized version, decide if the melody is in the highest, middle, or lowest part.
- Pitch Recognition (aural):
- Listen to the key tone (first note shown) and determine the pitch of the second note. Decide if the first, second, third, or none of the pitches following the key tone is the pitch shown.
- Major-Minor Mode Discrimination (aural):
- Listen to the two chords in question. Decide if they are major or minor.
- Listen to a phrase. Decide if it is in major or minor or if it changes mode.
- Feeling for Tonal Center (key tone, key center) (aural):
- Listen to four chords of the key. Then listen to three tones played separately and decide which is the key tone.
- Listen to a phrase. Decide which of the notes is the key tone.
- Auditory-Visual Discrimination (aural and visual):
- Listen to four measures. Identify which measures are played differently in pitch from the notation.
- Listen to four measures. Identify which measures are played differently in rhythm from the notation.
- Musical Aptitude (aural):
- Your natural aptitude for musical activity is tested by a series of short musical statements followed by musical answers. You are asked to determine whether they are alike or different either tonally or rhythmically.
After some sections there were audible sighs of relief from the crowd of people. But after a few hours the listening part was over. Then we had a short break and they passed out an 8-10? 18? (I don't remember really how long it was) written music theory test. This was the test that built from the textbook, and was significantly shorter than I expected. We were given a piece of paper with a piano keyboard on it (for reference) and could write on the test, which was multiple choice. It followed the study guide they had sent exactly.
I finished the test, turned it in, and walked out into the cold late morning, watching hopeful family members standing outside the Tabernacle door. I think seeing me probably made them hopeful that they could go home soon. One asked me how it had gone. "Some sections were totally different from what I had expected... but I feel like it went really well." And I did feel confident. Confident enough that I told my friends and family, "If I didn't pass... then I probably don't belong in the choir... since I felt pretty sure in my answers."
The people helping us with the test gave us a little bit of information on what to expect for the future. Specifically, they told us to expect written results by mail, and that it would take about two weeks since the tests were hand-graded - they hoped to get them out by the 24th (12 days later). And he told us, three times in a row, "Do not call the choir office."
When someone asked how many spots were available in the choir, the person up front said he couldn't tell us that. He did say that spots are filled from both retirees (who retire in April of each year) and people who resign (who can do that at any point, without giving prior notice). About 27(?) are retiring next April, and he mentioned 5 people who had retired in the two weeks prior to our test. So that means there are at least 32 spots (number of retiree + people who have resigned)... though, in all probability, there are more (because assuming all the resignations happened in a two-week period doesn't make sense). Someone asked how that was broken up between men & women, and we all learned something really cool: the Mormon Tabernacle Choir doesn't have equal numbers of men & women. They don't take equal numbers. The directors listen to the choir and add voices as they feel are needed for their goals.
It took a bit longer than 2 weeks for the letter to arrive - I got mine on the 29th of October; the letter was dated October 24. I found myself wondering if I could weigh it (like some people do with mission calls) to determine if it was a yes or no answer. That takes way longer than opening it.
The letter this time had some specific information in it. Along with the "we are pleased to advance you to Phase III," it had my personal audition time (this Wednesday, Nov 13, at 3:40pm), and an attached sheet of paper with my scores from the music skills assessment.
The score sheet is interesting. Each part of the test is divided into sections, with 12 total scored sections. It shows the possible maximum score (between 8 and 99, depending on scoring), and then has three categories - strong, average, and weak. An example: in the section on intervals, the maximum possible is 8. Strong is 8-7, Average is 6-5, Weak is 4-0. It didn't have exact scores written in on the sheet - just which of the categories you placed in, circled. So the 8-7 was circled on my score sheet - I scored "Strong" in intervals.
I scored "Strong" in all of the sections but one - Feeling for Tonal Center. There I scored "Average." And since that was the section that I had thought I had bombed, I was happy. :)
I'm not really sure what "Strong, "Average," and "Weak" really mean. Is average a comparative to the general population at large? The required level needed for the choir? A comparison among the people who took the test that day? Could I have moved on with a "Weak" score? Maybe having ranges, instead of exact scores, makes it easier for the choir administration to look at people's entire profile (their CD, background, etc) instead of having a firm cutoff for who moves on and who doesn't.
Phase III is coming up in 3 days. This is what I'm expecting (from the letter they sent):
Crazy exciting. Wednesday at 3:40. Pray for me?
My Audition for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir: Phase III
When someone asked how many spots were available in the choir, the person up front said he couldn't tell us that. He did say that spots are filled from both retirees (who retire in April of each year) and people who resign (who can do that at any point, without giving prior notice). About 27(?) are retiring next April, and he mentioned 5 people who had retired in the two weeks prior to our test. So that means there are at least 32 spots (number of retiree + people who have resigned)... though, in all probability, there are more (because assuming all the resignations happened in a two-week period doesn't make sense). Someone asked how that was broken up between men & women, and we all learned something really cool: the Mormon Tabernacle Choir doesn't have equal numbers of men & women. They don't take equal numbers. The directors listen to the choir and add voices as they feel are needed for their goals.
It took a bit longer than 2 weeks for the letter to arrive - I got mine on the 29th of October; the letter was dated October 24. I found myself wondering if I could weigh it (like some people do with mission calls) to determine if it was a yes or no answer. That takes way longer than opening it.
The letter this time had some specific information in it. Along with the "we are pleased to advance you to Phase III," it had my personal audition time (this Wednesday, Nov 13, at 3:40pm), and an attached sheet of paper with my scores from the music skills assessment.
The score sheet is interesting. Each part of the test is divided into sections, with 12 total scored sections. It shows the possible maximum score (between 8 and 99, depending on scoring), and then has three categories - strong, average, and weak. An example: in the section on intervals, the maximum possible is 8. Strong is 8-7, Average is 6-5, Weak is 4-0. It didn't have exact scores written in on the sheet - just which of the categories you placed in, circled. So the 8-7 was circled on my score sheet - I scored "Strong" in intervals.
I scored "Strong" in all of the sections but one - Feeling for Tonal Center. There I scored "Average." And since that was the section that I had thought I had bombed, I was happy. :)
I'm not really sure what "Strong, "Average," and "Weak" really mean. Is average a comparative to the general population at large? The required level needed for the choir? A comparison among the people who took the test that day? Could I have moved on with a "Weak" score? Maybe having ranges, instead of exact scores, makes it easier for the choir administration to look at people's entire profile (their CD, background, etc) instead of having a firm cutoff for who moves on and who doesn't.
Phase III is coming up in 3 days. This is what I'm expecting (from the letter they sent):
- Arrive early, warmed up and ready to sing (and fill out paperwork)
- Have a short interview with the Choir President (Ron Jarrett - he's one of the choir's champions for social media and appealing to a younger audience... so he might actually read this post)
- Meet with Mack Wilberg, Ryan Murphy, and a choir accompanist
- Perform the hymn I prepared
- Each person prepares to sing the melody line of a hymn of his choice, in the key of his choice. I'll be singing "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go" in the key of F (its original key).
- Side note: This hymn is really symbolic for me. If God wants me in the choir, I'll go. If not, then He will have other plans for me. It's become one of my favorite hymns. The awesome thing about life with God at the reins is that I don't really need to worry. I do my best, and He will put me in the best place to serve. If I'm supposed to be in the choir, it will happen, even if I croak during the audition. If not, it doesn't matter how well I sing. So I can focus on doing my best, and let God take care of everything else.
- Perform rhythm, musical memory, and sight-reading exercises
- Anything else they ask to better hear my voice
Crazy exciting. Wednesday at 3:40. Pray for me?
My Audition for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir: Phase III
Sunday, November 3
My Audition for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir: Phase I
Each year the Mormon Tabernacle Choir holds auditions for hopeful singers in the Church. There are approximately 400 members in the choir, and with a maximum tenure of 20 years, at least 20 people (on average) retire each year. In reality, the number of open spots is a bit higher, since not everyone stays that long.
This year there are at least 33 spots available (at least that's what I could deduce from the vague remarks given during the music theory test). But I'm getting ahead of myself.
On July 1st, the audition packet became available and people could begin the 10-month process of getting a seat in the choir.
The requirements to begin the process are:
Phase I includes three parts:
The bishop's recommendation asks your bishop to interview you to determine if you're temple-worthy and to certify that you currently live within 100 miles of Temple Square. He also states that he thinks you will be able to balance the demands of the choir along with your profession, family responsibilities, and other important demands.
The audition form essentially asks for your history in music and the Church. You put down information about past choirs, music teachers, degrees or classes in music, performances, past callings, and a signature asserting that you realize how much of a time commitment the choir is... and that you are willing and able to meet that requirement.
The audition CD (or tape) is the time-consuming part. I'd assume that it's pretty similar from year to year. I have a friend who has a recording studio; together we created different tracks for each requirement for the CD. These are the requirements as I remember them:
We finished the CD, recorded each requirement to its own track, and I stuck the bishop recommendation / audition application / CD together in a padded envelope in the mail.
Audition packets needed to be postmarked by August 15th.
After a few weeks, since I knew Phase II was approaching and I was getting ready for a week-long trip to Washington DC, I called the choir office to see when the results would go out. I've learned since that you're not supposed to call. Either way, they were really nice, and actually told me the results had gone out the day before in the mail before I could even ask.
I checked the mail when it came an hour later, and a letter was there from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. The letter was dated September 13; I received it on the 17th.
The letter said that almost 250 people tried out this round, and that I had been invited to come to Phase II (the music theory/listening skills test), on October 12. There wasn't anything personal in the letter - just an invitation to move on to the next round. It also said I could call the choir office and pick up a copy of the textbook required to prepare for the music theory test.
I called the choir office about ten seconds later, mixed in somewhere with texting my family and posting a status update on Facebook and Twitter.
The receptionist was a bit startled when I mentioned that I needed a copy of the textbook. "We just sent the letters out yesterday. Did you receive your letter?" Yes, I did... so could I pick up a textbook later that day? Yes.
What the letter, and the receptionist, did not say was that there was a dress code expected throughout the audition process. That hadn't been included anywhere in the materials up to that point, and I expected the choir office to be somewhere public where just anyone could walk in from the street. So when I showed up to the choir office while I was up in Salt Lake City and had a few spare moments between projects... and had a few days of scruff, slightly rumpled T-shirt and jeans, and mussed hair... I instantly realized that I was somewhat out of place. After buzzing the doorbell, the door opened and I walked down the stairs to a hallway with lots of people walking by. Everyone was in suits.
Then again, I'm pretty used to feeling out of place in social situations. Autism does that. You just keep going. But I definitely felt like I should have been dressed better.
I picked up a copy of the textbook to study for the music theory test from the choir office, a copy of "Basic Materials in Music Theory" (the eighth edition), and over the next few weeks read the whole thing cover to cover. There was a study guide, and that was all I really needed to know for the test, but I had never taken a music theory course before... and had always wanted to. So I was happy to read it.
About a week before the Phase II test, I got an email from the choir office (yes, they do use email... I had been wondering after getting a letter in the mail) that detailed the dress code (now they tell me) for the entire audition process, parking details, and exactly what to expect for Phase II.
My Audition for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir: Phase II
This year there are at least 33 spots available (at least that's what I could deduce from the vague remarks given during the music theory test). But I'm getting ahead of myself.
On July 1st, the audition packet became available and people could begin the 10-month process of getting a seat in the choir.
The requirements to begin the process are:
- Be between 25 and 55 (on the day you would become a member of the choir - April 30 following the year you apply)
- Be a temple-worthy member of the Church
- Live within 100 miles of Temple Square (currently)
- Be physically able to perform in the choir (they sometimes stand for literally hours)
- Be able to meet family/work responsibilities while spending 10-20 hours each week (minimum) on the choir.
Phase I includes three parts:
- A bishop's recommendation
- An audition packet
- An audition CD/tape (I was sort of shocked that they accept audio cassettes. I don't think I even have a way of listening to one anymore. But, then again, the average age trying out is a generation older than mine)
The bishop's recommendation asks your bishop to interview you to determine if you're temple-worthy and to certify that you currently live within 100 miles of Temple Square. He also states that he thinks you will be able to balance the demands of the choir along with your profession, family responsibilities, and other important demands.
The audition form essentially asks for your history in music and the Church. You put down information about past choirs, music teachers, degrees or classes in music, performances, past callings, and a signature asserting that you realize how much of a time commitment the choir is... and that you are willing and able to meet that requirement.
The audition CD (or tape) is the time-consuming part. I'd assume that it's pretty similar from year to year. I have a friend who has a recording studio; together we created different tracks for each requirement for the CD. These are the requirements as I remember them:
- Sing the first verse of a hymn (they gave us three choices)
- Play the starting note on a piano and announce the note ("the starting note is A")
- Sing the hymn without accompaniment, as you would normally sing it
- Play the ending note on a piano and announce the note ("the ending note is A")
- Sing part of the hymn loud
- Sing part of the hymn soft
- Sing part of the hymn straight tone (without vibrato)
- Sing a vocal exercise going upward to show your range (they gave us the exercise)
- Sing a vocal exercise going downward to show your range (they gave us the exercise)
- Sing a vocal exercise to show your vocal agility (ability to change notes quickly) in a key (they gave us the exercise)
- Sing the agility exercise in a second key
- Sing the agility exercise in a third key
We finished the CD, recorded each requirement to its own track, and I stuck the bishop recommendation / audition application / CD together in a padded envelope in the mail.
Audition packets needed to be postmarked by August 15th.
After a few weeks, since I knew Phase II was approaching and I was getting ready for a week-long trip to Washington DC, I called the choir office to see when the results would go out. I've learned since that you're not supposed to call. Either way, they were really nice, and actually told me the results had gone out the day before in the mail before I could even ask.
I checked the mail when it came an hour later, and a letter was there from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. The letter was dated September 13; I received it on the 17th.
The letter said that almost 250 people tried out this round, and that I had been invited to come to Phase II (the music theory/listening skills test), on October 12. There wasn't anything personal in the letter - just an invitation to move on to the next round. It also said I could call the choir office and pick up a copy of the textbook required to prepare for the music theory test.
I called the choir office about ten seconds later, mixed in somewhere with texting my family and posting a status update on Facebook and Twitter.
The receptionist was a bit startled when I mentioned that I needed a copy of the textbook. "We just sent the letters out yesterday. Did you receive your letter?" Yes, I did... so could I pick up a textbook later that day? Yes.
What the letter, and the receptionist, did not say was that there was a dress code expected throughout the audition process. That hadn't been included anywhere in the materials up to that point, and I expected the choir office to be somewhere public where just anyone could walk in from the street. So when I showed up to the choir office while I was up in Salt Lake City and had a few spare moments between projects... and had a few days of scruff, slightly rumpled T-shirt and jeans, and mussed hair... I instantly realized that I was somewhat out of place. After buzzing the doorbell, the door opened and I walked down the stairs to a hallway with lots of people walking by. Everyone was in suits.
Then again, I'm pretty used to feeling out of place in social situations. Autism does that. You just keep going. But I definitely felt like I should have been dressed better.
I picked up a copy of the textbook to study for the music theory test from the choir office, a copy of "Basic Materials in Music Theory" (the eighth edition), and over the next few weeks read the whole thing cover to cover. There was a study guide, and that was all I really needed to know for the test, but I had never taken a music theory course before... and had always wanted to. So I was happy to read it.
About a week before the Phase II test, I got an email from the choir office (yes, they do use email... I had been wondering after getting a letter in the mail) that detailed the dress code (now they tell me) for the entire audition process, parking details, and exactly what to expect for Phase II.
My Audition for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir: Phase II