A friend asked me how my dating life is going. That question always leaves me smiling - if only because it usually means the asker hasn't been on a date in two weeks and wants advice. Inside, it leaves me smiling because, while my dating life definitely isn't going anywhere soon, it gives the Lord a chance to remind me that someday, I'll be the person I need to be, and somehow find and fall in love with a girl. And, in the meantime, dating serves as an opportunity to make friends and do missionary work, send girls on missions, help them identify traits to look for in husbands...
Sometimes dating, or even survival, seems like it's far too hard to deal with in life. But then I realize that, while my life may be hard, I have the gospel. I have God at my side. I have the power of the priesthood and temple ordinances and family and prophets and scriptures and Primary songs that play in my head at night. I have generations of ancestors who prayed for blessings for their posterity, from Abraham down through today... and, most of all, I have the promise that, if I just keep moving forward, I will make it. It will be enough. I will find true love and happiness and fulfil the plan that God created for me. And all I have to do, today, is live today. And then, when tomorrow comes, I'll turn to God and ask for strength to live tomorrow.
I think that is what the Lord was trying to teach the Israelites when He sent manna in the desert. If I look at the desert of life, standing before me, and try to imagine living endless eternity with the strength I currently have (alone, without many friends, and living with same-sex attraction) it will only lead to fear and depression and a sick feeling in my stomach... But if I look at just today, I have enough strength to live and grow and thrive. And I can have the faith to believe that He will be there for me tomorrow. When the Israelites looked at the desert sands, their fear of the future overwhelmed their faith. They didn't believe that God would do another miracle... and that lack of faith left only crawling worms and a sick feeling in their stomachs.
The strength the Lord gives me today, is for today. I can use it all and it will be enough. And then the true choice, a choice that I and everyone make each and every day, is whether I will have the faith through the night and into the storm that He will be there again at my side... that He has never left me at all... to send peace and hope and strength from Heaven in the moment that I need it.
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
Thursday, November 17
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Oh my goodness your voice is SO needed today! I am so so steamed at the "gay" message and methods that are steamrolling society and anyone in their way and convincing people of the lie that if you have SSA you have no choice but to live gay and it's just right and natural. I cringe to think how many that might have chosen the right (albeit hard)path will give up and give in and never find their agency again. Thank you for your courage, your honesty, and your example of the truth.
ReplyDeleteI thought your entry about suicide would've been what I needed to read, but it didn't help me, despite how relevant it seemed. THIS entry is the one I needed and I'm so glad I came back to your blog. Thank you for writing
ReplyDeleteI love that you understand that God knows you, understands you, and will provide for you.
ReplyDeleteYour post reminded me of one of my favorite scriptures:
ReplyDeletePsalm 118:24 "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." I love your posts. =) They are so insightful. Have a "great day"! ;)
I think you are so amazing. I love your blog, love how you write. I'm sure the Lord has great plans for you. Honestly, it's not easy to find someone with such great faith in today's world. Please please don't ever lose it.
ReplyDeleteJust came across you today. I have just read this one post so far, but I just wanted to say that I already admire you. I pray that you will always have the faith and strength that this post shows, and also that the Lord will bless you with love and happiness.
ReplyDeleteOkay, this is why I keep coming back here! Your insight into the scriptures is truly amazing. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this blog. Your posts are meaningful and spirit-filled. You are my hero. And this is exactly what I needed to read. Much love and support. I wish I knew you in person.
ReplyDelete"Your future is as bright as your faith." -- Thank you for giving us a glimpse into a good heart striving to find happiness and hold to faith. God bless.
ReplyDelete