I've had a number of requests to repost this content. So I'm reposting it. Thank heavens Google has a cache; otherwise I'd have no way of getting it back. I probably should have just made another post instead of editing the original. I'll make a note of that for any future posts. Sorry about that, and to those who found their comments suddenly attached to the wrong post.
I have a lot of strong feelings about BYU and Church Education in general, a long list of things that I would change, and major qualms with some of the ideas that are espoused by professors and students. But, of all the topics on which I could disagree, I never expected this to be one of them.
I watched the video "It Gets Better at BYU" and found myself unnerved that the creators never mentioned the distinction that always comes up in every other discussion that involves BYU or the Church. That's the distinction between "being gay = simply having same-sex attraction" and "being gay = being actively engaged in homosexual relationships." In the Church, the distinction is clear - having same-sex attraction isn't a sin. Having homosexual relationships is a sin.
Without that distinction, saying that God is okay with someone being gay has multiple, and somewhat duplicitous, meanings. Does it mean that it's okay to live with same-sex attraction as long as you never act on it... or that God is okay with men who marry men?
I don't have problems with the video's association with the "It Gets Better" project (I definitely don't agree with the organization itself - as its goals extend beyond preventing bullying into the arena of same-sex marriage)... since it's a good way to simply share a theme and reach traffic. But using the BYU name, for the world, implies that whoever is speaking is speaking for all the gay Mormons at BYU, and, by extension, gay Mormons in the Church as a whole. But I finished watching the video feeling horribly uneasy... because I'm not sure if the creators really agree with what the Church teaches.
The impact on the different audiences is interesting. People outside the Church will see it and may get slightly confused - at least those who are familiar with the Church's teachings on homosexuality. Those inside the Church will better understand the pain that people feel, and it'll start a charged conversation about the actual doctrine of the Church. That conversation has already started. And to those who live in the Church and live with same-sex attraction, it shows that you can make it... but, at least for me, it didn't offer the peace that I knew I would want - proof that it's possible not only to be happy by making it through the teen years, but that peace and hope could come through living the gospel.
Life does get better as people become more able to deal with their trials. I know it's gotten better for me. We should all reach out with love and understanding to bless the lives of those around us... and live the gospel to improve our own.
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
Sunday, April 8
Re-Post: Original It Gets Better Post
Labels:
Acceptance,
Choice,
Gay Marriage,
I'm a Mormon guy,
Light,
Missionary Work,
Movies,
Testimony
15 comments:
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When I watched it I admit I was questioning if it was a clear message. They did not really talk about acting upon these attractions. So for those who are not members, I think this video would be confusing. I hope they make a reply video of some sort to clarify for those who may not understand. I love your blog. Your strength and willingness to share your personal struggles is such a blessing to me and so many others.
ReplyDelete-June
I appreciate your clarification. I too felt kind of confused, but at the same time relief for those who want to be open with their feelings at BYU. I love to read your posts as an LDS mother to a gay son, your words give me such hope, and help me to reconcile the two worlds. I love my son so much, and he has chosen to leave the church. It has caused me much thought as to how these two worlds can come together in some way. Thank you for doing what you do!
ReplyDeleteI just read a post that I wanted to share with you. You might have read it already (it was written a few years ago). I'm also interested in what you think about it.
ReplyDeleteYou're awesome and don't forget it!
I'm so glad you posted about this. I have seen the video too a couple of times on facebook and wanted to share it but didn't for the exact same reasons you said. I love that it will hopefully help those with same sex attraction feel better, but it is totally confusing about the church's standards about people who are gay. Anyway, I love your blog and think you are spot on about the BYU-It gets better video. You are such an inspiration to anyone struggling with major trials, same sex attraction or not!!!!
ReplyDeleteI am a bit surprised at how conditional everyone's love is on your site. I understand the whole love the sinner, hate the sin. But, to prejudge these individuals who bravely opened up to help others cope with a very difficult struggle in their lives seems pretty petty.
ReplyDeleteBeing gay does not mean one is acting on the feelings they have. What straight people may label as same gender attraction (SGA), closeted gay mormons often label same sex attraction (SSA), and comfortable gay members (even active ones) often call gay. They can all mean the same thing.
Under the honor code, BYU students in good standing can not engage in pre-marital sexual relations (whether gay and straight). So, the prejudice offered by everyone becomes mute. Even if these students were sexually active, they would probably not say on here, because the video is FOR gay mormons. It is saying things get better. You don't have to hate yourself, or fall into depression, or turn to suicide. It doesn't matter if your parents don't follow the ideals of WWJD or a homophobic ward member doesn't accept you. You can still live! You can still enjoy the blessings of the gospel! You can still follow the teachings and receive the benefits of the Atonement! We all need and apply the Atonement daily and weekly.
The message is simple. It is important. And, for gay LDS members, it is potentially a life saver. And, that is Charity ... that is the pure love of Christ.
This is EXACTLY what I got out of the video (what Mr. B says)! I loved it! I graduated 25 years ago from BYU - and had a lesbian roommate. . . it is really nice to see LDS members opening up about this topic.
DeleteI respectfully disagree with you and with some of the fellow commenters above me. I think the message of the video was clear: that the LDS Church can and should accept and love any homosexual individual, no matter if they're celibate or not. It's too bad some people can't see past their own insecurities and feel the love of Christ that the video conjures.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous:
DeleteThe post two preceding this one covers this topic, and s
...speaks about the emotional side of the video and its impact on one audience - members of the Church who live with same-sex attraction. This post speaks more about the doctrinal message of the video, specifically what it means that there is no distinction between feeling and action - a distinction made in the Church but not made in the world... since in the world's eyes, feelings should direct actions regardless of belief.
DeleteWhile I agree they probably could have addressed it better, I feel like their way of differentiating was mentioning that they were gay, yet still living the honor code. That implies they weren't acting on their homosexual feelings, since that was against the honor code.
ReplyDeleteTo those who understand the Honor Code and all its intricacies, yes. To those outside, including the media, who are interpreting the movies as a "shift" in Mormon ideology because they say "it's okay to be gay" - a statment that is somehow seen as different from the Church's stance that it's okay to have attractions as long as you don't act on them - it has definitely been confusing. The only way it could be a "shift" from current Church teachings is if the statement assumedly endorses gay behavior - anything else has already been taught from the pulpit a dozen times.
DeleteThank you. I knew it bothered me for some reason, but couldn't figure out exactly what. I'm a married woman, and I've had a few homosexual thoughts that I did my best to ignore, but after watching this movie, I felt like it was encouraging me to NOT ignore those feelings. For the first time after watching this movie I started thinking of myself as bisexual. After reading your post, my head is set right again. I don't need to label myself as bisexual. I've had those feelings, but I don't need to make them a part of me. Anyway, I'm so grateful that God has given you this blessing, you have strengthened so many with it. I sincerely appreciate the work that you are doing. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting on this project. I felt the same way after viewing it and felt there were very important specifics that they didn't make clear. The distinction between having same sex attraction (not a sin) and actively pursuing immoral relationships (made clear to be a sin in the Bible) are two completely different things. Well said!
ReplyDeletei agree that the videos may not be clear to those outside the Church, and may cause them to wonder if the Church's acceptance of same-sex attraction in terms of thoughts and feelings extends to same-sex attraction in terms of behavior as well. As a Mormon, I know that any extra-marital sex is not condoned by the Church, but the videos aren't so clear-cut. Regardless, I am glad to see that there is a support group.
ReplyDelete1- I LOVE your blog and feel like you do a great job inspiring hope that someone who feels homosexual attraction can keep the commandments and be happy.
ReplyDelete2- I think it's important to keep in mind that the primary audience for this video is gay Mormon teenagers who may feel life is not worth living because they can't reconcile their same gender attraction with church teachings. The message here is that God loves them regardless of what they think, feel, or even have done, and that there is happiness out there. I don't think distinguishing between homosexual attraction and homosexual behavior needed to be a priority.
I know this it's not really fair to equate homosexuality with other things that are considered sinful. But for comparisons sake, if you had a child who was contemplating suicide because they succumbed to some other sort of behavior that was considered sinful (lying, cheating, stealing, smoking, drinking, pornography, or whatever), I think most people would be more concerned with letting the child know that life is worth living even if they constantly have the desire to commit that sin, rather than spelling out for them how the desire to commit that sin isn't the same thing as carrying out the action.
3- If I saw a video or a news story that featured pro-choice Notre Dame students, I wouldn't suddenly think "Oh wow, the Catholic Church is in favor of abortion now!" I know BYU isn't Notre Dame and that the Mormon Church isn't the Catholic Church, but I don't think we should have to worry too much about people thinking official church doctrine aligns with YouTube videos by USGA.
Again, I think your blog is incredible. I just wanted to maybe lay to rest a little some of these concerns I've heard from you and many others. Keep up the great work! :)