Irrefutable Answer

 Well.

I got my answer.

Figuring out my main, central goal in life - the one that guides and directs and inspires every moment of my life - is important. So I made a plan to get confirmation.

Timing just happened to match up perfectly with this past week, when I went to the temple for the first time in years.

As an aside, I can't explain how much I've missed by being selfish. By taking my life into my own hands, "trying stuff out," indulging circumstances that I know aren't going to leave me with peace. I missed my little sister's sealing. My little brother's endowment. But even after all that I don't think the pain changed me. It had to be *me* to change me.

The first answer came as we drove - torrential rain pouring out of a sunny sky. Rain has been an answer from God for a long time in my life. Torrents out of the blue? Nothing else tells me that the God of the universe loves me quite as much as when He changes local weather patterns on my behalf.

But rain can come from a clear sky. And without the explanation that comes with it, someone could explain it away.

So more answers came.

The second answer was personal to *me.* As if God wanted to tell me, "David. I'm talking to you."

The third answer came during the proxy ordinance itself. The fourth? Words taken out of my journal, spoken in a prayer by someone I had never met.

The fifth answer came in the Celestial room, as I looked at the answers I already had. God and I talked, and He reminded me that He had already given me the answer the very first moment I had asked in prayer. But hey, I wanted it to be special, and it's a *huge* set of miracles to ask for, so it's ok to get confirmation, right? Yes. It's ok to want confirmation. And I got it, more than I could have ever asked for.

So what does that mean?

As we talked, I realized that, in order for the miracles I want to be possible, I need to be the centerpiece. Yes. There are aspects that only God can control. Things as impossible as parting the Red Sea or turning stones to light. But the followup? Making the miracles work in the long run? 

God could suddenly change my life tomorrow. But would I be ready for that? Honestly? Probably not. My life is still a bit of a mess. My room is a mess. No wait. There is probably a lot more mess than not in my life. And if God were to suddenly make all my dreams and hopes come true - if He were to part the Red Sea of my life in front of me - I would probably end up smashing into the walls and making them all come crashing down.

And that's why the greatest miracles of life can't just come from Him. They have to include me. I can't expect someone else to hold my life together. I need to be the one with self control. I need to be the one with faith. I need to be the one to ask for miracles and make them happen.

So I walked out of the celestial room with hopes and dreams, and promptly got my last answer as I fell down the stairs.

Man it hurt a lot. The temple worker at the bottom of the stairs offered me his chair, and even after a minute of deep breathing exercises I turned white, my vision blurred momentarily, and I went into mild shock. My best friend makes fun of me because he went through the Nuss procedure a few years ago (they cut your chest open, then implant pressurized steel bars to reshape the rib cage, and it's supposed to be one of the most painful post-operative procedures)... but I promise I'm not a wimp. 

Well.

The temple worker got me a bottle of water and my face turned the right color again. He found a wheelchair and, by the time I got back from changing out of my temple clothes, had also gotten permission from the Recorder to escort us all the way out to my car in the corner of the parking lot.

Switch that up into an answer from God? Life is still probably going to be painful. Maybe even excruciatingly so. I'm going to mess up. Fall. Get hurt.

But.

Even if I make mistakes, even if I stumble and fall, God is going to be there, beside me, the entire time. He'll be supporting me. Caring for me. Walking beside me.

So I got my answer.