Sometimes, on my low days, I look at my life, and honestly wonder if it's all worth it. Tons of work, effort, fatigue, stress, and everything that I can put in... and this is all I have to show for it? Really? I'm nowhere near where I need to be, and if I'm moving, it's far more slowly than even I can see.
Not that I really have any other option... I already know that swerving from the strait and narrow would only make the road less pleasant, in the long and short run.
But then, sometimes, the Lord shows me a glimpse of what I'm really working towards. A stranger who passes me and stops because he feels compelled to stop... and asks me if I'm okay. Another one who does the same thing. A third on the same street... each of them visibly overcoming the social awkwardness of asking a stranger who looks okay about his life, each of them proof that God's angels are round about me. A prayer answered so clearly and miraculously that I feel uncomfortable telling the story. A friend who calls and asks for a blessing in the middle of the night, and the incredible feeling of love, peace, and power I experience while giving it. Standing in the temple, knowing that in God's eyes, I'm doing my best... and that's all that matters... and that's enough. Sitting under the stars, and realizing that all the stress of life doesn't really matter... the only thing that matters is living the gospel, and helping others do the same.
It's worth it. Giving one blessing of comfort and healing that changes a life forever is worth a hundred sleepless nights of wondering and a thousand prayers of humility and grief. Feeling God work through me, knowing that He will guide and direct and take care of me, is worth giving up all of my dreams, my hopes, and my shallow goals of brilliance and accomplishment. And feeling peace... the peace I feel right now albeit all of life's storms... is worth anything I can give.
God doesn't ask me just to keep His commandments and make a difference in the world. He doesn't expect 10% of who I am, or devotions on the Sabbath and pieces each day along with professional achievements and secular advancement. He wants me to consecrate everything I am, everything I have, and everything I will ever be to Him... and still accomplish everything He expects. And as I do, He blesses me. He gives me the strength to move forward one day at a time, and, sometimes, I get a glimpse of the promises He's made. Brilliant vistas of Heaven and peace beyond comprehension. In return for everything I can give, He promises me all that He has... far more than I could ever give in return.
Showing posts with label Temple. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Temple. Show all posts
Saturday, June 2
Wednesday, August 17
Pictures.
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| http://www.helamangallery.com |
I got an email the other day, letting me know about a site called the Helaman Gallery. The creator focuses on photography of LDS temples and makes the electronic proofs available for free on his website - http://helamangallery.com/
Pictures are amazing, and uber-commonplace. Most blogs written in the gay world, and most blogs in the Mormon world, and most blogs in the gay Mormon world where they overlap, use pictures. But I don't feel like I can use the same types of pictures. Mormon blogs post pictures of their kids and their craft stuff (usually done by women). Gay blogs... um... they often post blatant pornography. And many gay Mormon blogs post pictures that are on the edge - way too provocative to be benign. Then there's the issue of copyright and giving credit and everything else.
Thursday, March 17
Living Close
The flowers outside the Provo temple are blooming. Looking out the west entrance, sprays of who-knows-what kind of colored blossoms dot the ground. But looking back toward the temple, at the rows closest to the temple walls, a strange phenomenon presents itself. Everywhere else on the temple grounds, the plants are randomly in bloom, with a few small blossoms surrounded by masses of still-undeveloped foliage. But in the rows closest to the temple, every flower is in full bloom. Even the tiny daffodils are open - the only ones blooming anywhere - and the ornamental grasses are twice as tall when compared to those bordering the walkway.
Amazingly, though, it is only the first two rows that show benefit from closeness. By the time you reach the third row, which is only maybe 5 feet from the temple walls, the plants act just like those in any other row - sporadic blooms and plenty of underdeveloped green. Only the very close ones exhibit the spectacular growth.
The flowers closest to the temple get approximately the same amount of light compared to those two rows away. They get the same amount of water, the same fertilizer, and were planted at the same time with the same size plants. So what is the secret to their success? Living close to the temple.
The temple is the house of the Lord. But in addition to having an abundance of His Spirit, it also always has people coming and going. The last shift of the night ends and the cleaning crews arrive, and the last cleaner leaves shortly after the temple presidency arrives in the morning. Because of that, the temple is always heated... and that heat radiates out through the stone walls and foundation, warming a thin layer of soil about 5 feet wide. Plants growing in this soil have an added support against freezing weather and changing weather patterns. Year after year, the constant warmth of the temple ensures that the plants closest to the temple are the strongest.
Looking at my life, the times when I live close to God are the times when, somehow, my problems seem easier to bear. Doing the right things, and seeing the fruits of my faith, seems easier, and I find myself wanting to read the scriptures, serve others, share the gospel, pray... The trials of life seem to melt away - I rarely find myself depressed, and temptations seem simple to overcome.
But just being there isn't enough. I have to be close to God. And, for me, that makes all the difference.
I can't just read my scriptures and expect to see visions and receive revelation for my life. I have to study, search, ponder, and apply them in my life... which usually takes much more time than 5 minutes before I fall asleep.
I can't say a quick prayer at all the right times and expect to have an intimate relationship with God. I have to plead with Him, understand His will, and listen and watch for answers all around me.
Living the gospel is great. Most of the flowers on the temple grounds will eventually bloom and look beautiful. Many of God's children will eventually acknowledge Him and turn to Him. But I want something better. I want to thrive here on Earth - to revel in the glories of life even while the storm is raging. I'm a (gay) Mormon guy with lots of problems. For me, living life on the outer edges of the gospel, according to the letter of the law, isn't enough. If I want to truly feel the power and influence that God can have in my life, I have to live close.
Amazingly, though, it is only the first two rows that show benefit from closeness. By the time you reach the third row, which is only maybe 5 feet from the temple walls, the plants act just like those in any other row - sporadic blooms and plenty of underdeveloped green. Only the very close ones exhibit the spectacular growth.
The flowers closest to the temple get approximately the same amount of light compared to those two rows away. They get the same amount of water, the same fertilizer, and were planted at the same time with the same size plants. So what is the secret to their success? Living close to the temple.
The temple is the house of the Lord. But in addition to having an abundance of His Spirit, it also always has people coming and going. The last shift of the night ends and the cleaning crews arrive, and the last cleaner leaves shortly after the temple presidency arrives in the morning. Because of that, the temple is always heated... and that heat radiates out through the stone walls and foundation, warming a thin layer of soil about 5 feet wide. Plants growing in this soil have an added support against freezing weather and changing weather patterns. Year after year, the constant warmth of the temple ensures that the plants closest to the temple are the strongest.
Looking at my life, the times when I live close to God are the times when, somehow, my problems seem easier to bear. Doing the right things, and seeing the fruits of my faith, seems easier, and I find myself wanting to read the scriptures, serve others, share the gospel, pray... The trials of life seem to melt away - I rarely find myself depressed, and temptations seem simple to overcome.
But just being there isn't enough. I have to be close to God. And, for me, that makes all the difference.
I can't just read my scriptures and expect to see visions and receive revelation for my life. I have to study, search, ponder, and apply them in my life... which usually takes much more time than 5 minutes before I fall asleep.
I can't say a quick prayer at all the right times and expect to have an intimate relationship with God. I have to plead with Him, understand His will, and listen and watch for answers all around me.
Living the gospel is great. Most of the flowers on the temple grounds will eventually bloom and look beautiful. Many of God's children will eventually acknowledge Him and turn to Him. But I want something better. I want to thrive here on Earth - to revel in the glories of life even while the storm is raging. I'm a (gay) Mormon guy with lots of problems. For me, living life on the outer edges of the gospel, according to the letter of the law, isn't enough. If I want to truly feel the power and influence that God can have in my life, I have to live close.
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