Why I Believe: The Bible

When I was little I definitely found the Bible intriguing. Its society seemed so incredibly distant from mine, its language totally foreign, its culture and people decidedly odd. Accounts of the Creation of the world, floods that cover the earth, wars between brothers and nations, miracles in the form of frogs and snakes, bread from heaven that turns into worms if you store it on any day but the Sabbath, marching around city walls to knock them down... all mixed in with page after page of genealogical entries, numbering the people, and cartographical references of some faraway place.

I found myself reading for the stories, and skimming everything else. The judges were dull until I read about Samson's feats of strength or Deborah's leadership in battle. 

But as I grew up and had my own problems to face, I found that the Bible, like the Book of Mormon, really did have applicable, personal insights into how to live my everyday life. David's prophetic and poetic psalms that seem to come to mind daily, and the warning intrinsic in his life to beware of sexual sin. The spiritual greatness of Solomon who, when he could have asked for anything, asked for the ability to bless others and help them as their king... and yet another warning in his life against the effects of sexual sin. 

One of the application issues with the Bible is that it can be easily interpreted, or translated, in a gazillion different ways. That means that referencing it without a common base of interpretation or a common authority is not incredibly helpful in discussions. Take the debate on homosexual sin. Bible scholars who have read the manuscripts in their many languages bicker over word choices, projecting their own logic into the text and trying to prove their point - on both sides. As soon as one brings up Sodom and Gomorrah, the Law of Moses, apostolic references as supporting evidence... the other side shows their own private interpretation... and vice versa. And since both are interpreting the scriptures within the imperfect frame they have - the literal translation from one archaic language to a modern one - there is no way to know which is right without choosing to accept the assumptions they make... or appealing to a greater authority. The Lord gave living authorities - prophets - to interpret His will for the welfare of mankind, and much of the New Testament is the story of the apostles trying desperately to rein in false doctrine and misinterpretation of sacred texts. Today, there are modern prophets, and thankfully, they're pretty direct in their statements and their application of the Bible to life.

Today the Bible continues to be a strength to me - one of the doors on which I can knock to speak with God. In its pages God helps me find direction, strength to overcome my temptations, and He helps me see who I really am. I'm not a gay Mormon guy - at least not in His eyes. In His eyes, I'm His son. I can feel that, and it blesses my life. And that's why I believe.

Why I Believe: The Book of Mormon

There's a new show on Broadway called "The Book of Mormon - the Musical." It was written by a group of men who triumphantly proclaim their distaste for religion through endless sarcasm and obscenity, and its scenes are touted as ridiculing not only Latter-day Saint theology, but the beliefs and faith of religion as a whole.

The musical, which loosely follows the story of two missionaries serving in Uganda, has been heralded by the media as pushing Broadway to new heights of obscenity, profanity, and vulgarity. I'm not sure how that is supposed to be positive. I don't think the message of the musical is positive at all.

I'm not even sure if the writers of the musical ever read the Book of Mormon.

If they did, they didn't get it.

In a world that seems constantly headed for disaster - whether international financial crisis, nuclear catastrophe, international power struggles, or all-out war - people need the hope and peace the gospel brings. They need to know that the Book of Mormon, like the Bible, contains principles of truth that can improve our lives, help us find perspective, and bring us closer to God.

The Book of Mormon has changed my life. It has answered my prayers, taught me truth, opened my heart to others, inspired me to greater heights, dried my tears, and pushed me to serve my fellow men.

That's the secret of the Book of Mormon. It's not that the stories are cool about Ammon chopping off arms or Nephi and Lehi surrounded by divine flames... it's because, with each story, there is a parallel to my life - a principle that I can apply to become a better man. 

Nephi teaches me obedience - I will go and do what the Lord has commanded me, for I know He has prepared a way. Being attracted to guys/having ssa/sga/gay in a family-oriented Church means that sometimes I'm the exception to the rule. But just because marriage is a lot less simple doesn't mean that the commandments change. They don't - and as I forge ahead in my life, sometimes I feel like Nephi - not knowing beforehand whither I should go... but knowing that God loves His children and will be involved in my life.

Alma teaches faith. When I was younger, I knew that God loved me. But I didn't know how I could believe it when looking at my life. I have a desire to believe... and from that desire grew my faith. Today I have faith that, no matter what happens in my life, if I am doing what is right, all things will work together for my good.

King Benjamin teaches service. I find that service - especially unannounced, unspoken, anonymous service - warms my soul and gives me incredible peace. There's nothing better than doing things for others without getting any physical blessings in return. And I find that it helps me organize my life and resist temptation better. Cool.

Ammon and his brothers teach diligence. They went among the Lamanites to preach the gospel, were cast into prison, and continued with faith. When I'm having a rough day, and I wonder if I'm doing anything worthwhile, I think back to my own conversion to the gospel... and feel the joy it has brought to me. And that gives me the strength to keep moving forward.

Moroni teaches passion. His fiery letter to Pahoran, his march to oust the king-men and his making of the title of liberty are solid proofs of his zeal in the gospel. If all men were like unto Moroni, the powers of Hell would be shaken... as Satan would not have power to tempt any man. I sometimes think I take after Moroni. Usually I'm pretty cool-headed. But inside I'm hot with passion for the gospel and its principles. And nothing pushes me to action faster than when they are under attack.

Mormon teaches the importance of keeping a record. It's nice to have spiritual experiences, or to learn from the hand of the Lord. But with those experiences comes the responsibility to share what I've learned with others. The Lord commands all men to write and keep a record of His hand in their lives... and that applies to me... and with that record I can share my testimony that God lives and is actively a part of my life.

And Moroni teaches of the importance of having my own personal experiences. The Prophet Joseph taught that a man could learn more from gazing 5 minutes into Heaven than by reading every book ever written on the subject. Reading the scriptures isn't enough for me. I need to have personal experiences - to ask God sincerely if they are true, as Moroni encourages, and to seek the Lord in all things. And it's been true in my life. The Book of Mormon is just a starting point, from which the Lord teaches me more about who I am and my eternal destiny.

Reading the Book of Mormon, and abiding by its precepts, will bring a man nearer to God than will any other book. I've seen that. It has changed me, and continues to change me each day. The Book of Mormon is the word of God and a doorway to receiving revelations from Him. And that's why I believe.

Me & Love Languages: Words of Affirmation

The relationship-help book called "the five love languages" or something similar has been making the rounds in my social circles. I think the concept is actually pretty cool - understand people's love languages so that you can better show love to them and so you can understand your own needs. It's already helping me understand others and better show my love, so I thought I'd share it here. The first language is "words of affirmation" - sincere praise, verbal affection, and warm, heartfelt compliments are the core of this language... and discouraging remarks are its opposite.

Words of affirmation really don't do that much for me... I had a reader who was really, honestly concerned for my emotional and spiritual wellbeing because I get so many "you are amazing" comments here on (Gay) Mormon Guy. He was concerned that it was getting to my head... and that I was "breathing in" the fumes, as President Uchtdorf humorously put in his talk on pride. But, as much as I try to appreciate sincere compliments and praise in my life, words of affirmation from other people usually don't have much effect. I mean, you're welcome to compliment me on whatever, but I'll probably forget about ten seconds later. And if I'm depressed, getting a hundred "you're amazing" comments doesn't do anything. I'm not good at making affirmative remarks either; I have to consciously make an effort to remember tell my date she looks nice, or to even give a coworker a compliment on a job well done.

At the same time though, I take every discouraging remark that comes my way personally - and I treat sarcasm as if it were an honest opinion. I may not remember what people said that was nice, but I can remember what they said that wasn't forever. While the words can't really hurt me, comments can turn my life upside down as I try to understand their perspective and what I need to change in order to become better. An example - once someone called me a liar, to my face, and told me I didn't care about others. They were angry and didn't understand all the information, but I still remember standing there, wondering what I had done wrong to merit the tirade I received... and wondering what I needed to do to fix myself in the future. I don't ever hold grudges against or judge people; I just believe that in every comment ever voiced or written - sincere or sarcastic - there is at least a grain of truth... and I try to find it.

Receiving: Mediocre. I'm getting better - I can tell when people are trying to show their love through sincere praise or compliments. And even though I don't feel much from the comment itself, I appreciate that they are willing to take the time to share their thoughts with me.

Giving: Mediocre. Unless I am actively trying to lift someone who's depressed, I don't often affirm the good things they do, or even affirm their character. But I'm getting better - complimenting others, letting them know that I esteem and support them, and especially saying thank you to the people who make a difference in my life.

Different with guys? No. For me, compliments from or to guys are just the same as to or from girls.

How I'm Like the Vampires in Twilight

Team Edward vs. Team What's His Name (the wolf guy) never appealed to me. I didn't even read the books. But, in recent thought, I've realized that Edward and I have more in common than I ever imagined. (This is a partially comedic post: some items require imagination and may not be completely true.)

1. We both live who we want to be - not simply who we are based on circumstance... even though most of the people around us will never understand why. Thanks to Autumn for this thought.

"Why do you do it?" I said. "I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you... are. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place."

He hesitated before answering. "That's a good question, and you're not the first to ask it. The others- the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot- they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been... dealt a certain hand... it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above- to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted."

2. We are perfectly suited for courting beautiful women who are completely unaware of our real carnal desires. Twilight vampires secrete human-attracting goo and sparkle in sunlight. While I glow in sunlight, too, mostly girls like me because I'm just a really nice guy. In both cases, we're a breath of fresh air from a world of guys who look at girls only as potential dates and mates.

3. We're amazingly strong, fast, smart, and talented. I spend a ton of time ensuring that my muscles are in perfect order - and my body does anything I want it to. Years of putting myself in the hardest possible learning environment has paid off; the added introspection that comes from living with massive nonideal conditions helps, too. Vampires are just "born that way." Ultimately, every girl or guy I meet is likely to mention at least two of the four: "You're really strong/fast/smart/talented."

4. We both hide secrets whose publication could change our world. In Edward's case, it would mean moving again - just finding another place to live with his family (human vampire hunters don't really seem to play any role in their lives). In mine, I don't know what would happen. At the very least, it would make dating somewhat difficult.

5. We both have "talents" given by virtue of who we are. Each vampire had some sort of thing they did - read minds or whatever. I can sometimes read minds, but that's a gift of the Spirit - not just something I do. In addition, knowing what it is like to feel alone, outcast, and worthless has made me a better person - more loving and caring - and given me the ability to better understand the needs of the people around me. I guess my greatest "talent" (beyond the one of reading minds) due in part to who I am is being able to see the gospel and its application in everything.

6. We would never wish our condition on another. This one is actually not as clear-cut, since the vampires actually make people into other vampires, even the "good" ones. And I can see the blessings that have come with my struggle... and if I knew that it was the only way to help someone I loved, I'd wish the same experiences on them - to give them the same opportunity to learn from God. But we would definitely never willingly submit anyone else to it - not even our worst enemies - unless we knew there was no other choice.

7. We've both thought that we were doomed because of our condition. Someone mentioned once that "the vampires know they are going to hell." That statement shocked me, since the choice to be a vampire wasn't theirs at all. The choice was what they did with their circumstances - not the temptations that beset them. I, too, once believed that I was cursed - that being attracted to guys and not girls was proof that God didn't hear my prayers and that I would never make it back to Him. Now I realize that, while I am tempted with massive temptations, I am the ruler of my destiny, and while I will be judged by the same laws and commandments, I have the strength within me to keep those laws. I, like Edward, have the ability to be the person I want to be regardless of the hand I have been dealt in life.

8. We have almost no friends. Vampires can't make lasting relationships with humans, and outside of their "family" they had no one who understood them. In my case, not even my family understands me, and since I often find myself pushing people away, even the few people I've told slowly become less and less a part of my life. I don't think that people can understand this facet unless they've been there - in my thoughts, it could easily be one of the worst pieces of either struggle.

9. We know, deep inside ourselves, no matter what anyone else thinks or says or does, that we are making the right choice. In Edward's case, it means living at the periphery of society for an eternity, buoyed only by the conviction that doing right will ultimately help him in the end. I'm not going to push the metaphor and conjecture on his relationship with God since he is a character in a book. In my case, it could mean the same thing - standing at the periphery of the family society of the Church, not fully a part and yet never willing to give in or give up, buoyed up by a personal relationship with God. No matter how long the road, I will stand by what I know to be true.

10. In both cases, there is a happy ending. But it's not the usual, "And they all lived happily ever after." It's more like, "And for the rest of eternity they worked and struggled and fought and prayed and lived every day the best that they could, and each day they found the strength and faith to be happy."

Book: (Gay) Mormon Guy, the Blog

I've had a gazillion requests from people to write a book. Writing a book and tying it to this blog or pseudoynm would be really complicated and probably destroy any sense of anonymity I could ever hope to have. So I did the next best thing. I spent the last little while during my free time and just took most of my posts and put them in a book. It's called "(Gay) Mormon Guy, the Blog" (yeah, I know - I lack creativity. But it's full of keywords that I already know work well).

It's published through a print-on-demand company called Lulu - they're supposedly the best and they seem to be the biggest anyways... There are hundreds or thousands of books published on them each day. Wow. That's a lot of probably mediocre writing.

Since it's like 250 pages, they wanted me to charge an arm and a leg - the original suggested price was over $25. After searching for a bit I found a way to offer it at the lowest price possible for its size by eliminating my and Lulu's royalties - totaling $9.63 plus shipping. If you really want a hard copy you can buy it there. I know they have coupon codes - Google "Lulu.com coupon code" for a 30% off coupon code or something if you go that route. Or, you can download it from Lulu as a PDF for free, without even having to sign up or anything.

Here's the link to the paperback book:
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/(gay)-mormon-guy-the-blog/14731367
And the link to the free PDF download:
http://www.lulu.com/product/file-download/(gay)-mormon-guy-the-blog/14731368

And so that's done. Why would you want an actual book? Maybe because you want to send it to someone who doesn't have the Internet... Except I'm pretty sure most people do. Or maybe you want to put it on your nightstand just to create a stir with guests. Or have to read at the beach if you have a normal phone that doesn't get Internet. I think the free PDF version is nice because now I have a PDF of all my posts in a nice, readable format. But then again, I did have to create and edit them all to get to that point. Whatever. The book is available, and it will be listed on Amazon in a month or two. I don't think I'm buying one.