Tuesday, February 8

How I'm Like the Vampires in Twilight

Team Edward vs. Team What's His Name (the wolf guy) never appealed to me. I didn't even read the books. But, in recent thought, I've realized that Edward and I have more in common than I ever imagined. (This is a partially comedic post: some items require imagination and may not be completely true.)

1. We both live who we want to be - not simply who we are based on circumstance... even though most of the people around us will never understand why. Thanks to Autumn for this thought.

"Why do you do it?" I said. "I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you... are. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place."

He hesitated before answering. "That's a good question, and you're not the first to ask it. The others- the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot- they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been... dealt a certain hand... it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above- to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted."

2. We are perfectly suited for courting beautiful women who are completely unaware of our real carnal desires. Twilight vampires secrete human-attracting goo and sparkle in sunlight. While I glow in sunlight, too, mostly girls like me because I'm just a really nice guy. In both cases, we're a breath of fresh air from a world of guys who look at girls only as potential dates and mates.

3. We're amazingly strong, fast, smart, and talented. I spend a ton of time ensuring that my muscles are in perfect order - and my body does anything I want it to. Years of putting myself in the hardest possible learning environment has paid off; the added introspection that comes from living with massive nonideal conditions helps, too. Vampires are just "born that way." Ultimately, every girl or guy I meet is likely to mention at least two of the four: "You're really strong/fast/smart/talented."

4. We both hide secrets whose publication could change our world. In Edward's case, it would mean moving again - just finding another place to live with his family (human vampire hunters don't really seem to play any role in their lives). In mine, I don't know what would happen. At the very least, it would make dating somewhat difficult.

5. We both have "talents" given by virtue of who we are. Each vampire had some sort of thing they did - read minds or whatever. I can sometimes read minds, but that's a gift of the Spirit - not just something I do. In addition, knowing what it is like to feel alone, outcast, and worthless has made me a better person - more loving and caring - and given me the ability to better understand the needs of the people around me. I guess my greatest "talent" (beyond the one of reading minds) due in part to who I am is being able to see the gospel and its application in everything.

6. We would never wish our condition on another. This one is actually not as clear-cut, since the vampires actually make people into other vampires, even the "good" ones. And I can see the blessings that have come with my struggle... and if I knew that it was the only way to help someone I loved, I'd wish the same experiences on them - to give them the same opportunity to learn from God. But we would definitely never willingly submit anyone else to it - not even our worst enemies - unless we knew there was no other choice.

7. We've both thought that we were doomed because of our condition. Someone mentioned once that "the vampires know they are going to hell." That statement shocked me, since the choice to be a vampire wasn't theirs at all. The choice was what they did with their circumstances - not the temptations that beset them. I, too, once believed that I was cursed - that being attracted to guys and not girls was proof that God didn't hear my prayers and that I would never make it back to Him. Now I realize that, while I am tempted with massive temptations, I am the ruler of my destiny, and while I will be judged by the same laws and commandments, I have the strength within me to keep those laws. I, like Edward, have the ability to be the person I want to be regardless of the hand I have been dealt in life.

8. We have almost no friends. Vampires can't make lasting relationships with humans, and outside of their "family" they had no one who understood them. In my case, not even my family understands me, and since I often find myself pushing people away, even the few people I've told slowly become less and less a part of my life. I don't think that people can understand this facet unless they've been there - in my thoughts, it could easily be one of the worst pieces of either struggle.

9. We know, deep inside ourselves, no matter what anyone else thinks or says or does, that we are making the right choice. In Edward's case, it means living at the periphery of society for an eternity, buoyed only by the conviction that doing right will ultimately help him in the end. I'm not going to push the metaphor and conjecture on his relationship with God since he is a character in a book. In my case, it could mean the same thing - standing at the periphery of the family society of the Church, not fully a part and yet never willing to give in or give up, buoyed up by a personal relationship with God. No matter how long the road, I will stand by what I know to be true.

10. In both cases, there is a happy ending. But it's not the usual, "And they all lived happily ever after." It's more like, "And for the rest of eternity they worked and struggled and fought and prayed and lived every day the best that they could, and each day they found the strength and faith to be happy."


  1. This is a really good entry, and it's a clear way to put yourself and your struggle into perspective. A lot of people can connect with this

    I'm getting ready to buy two of your books online and I feel like it's important to give one to a friend of mine. He is struggling with the same thing, but he isn't a member of the church.

    I don't know how Lulu works, but if at all possible to slip this in and edit your entered book, I think it could make a difference. If not, that's fine. My friend and I are familiar with the twilight characters and have made a lot of inside jokes about how he could be a vampire. This entry was a funny coincidence!

  2. Anonymous:

    It's not super-complicated to resubmit the book before I "accept" it, but afterwards it gets a bit more complicated. I found a typo in one of the posts, for example, and tried talking with Lulu staff; they said I would have to start over from the beginning. It would probably only take a few hours but I'm not sure a typo would be worth it. Maybe you could print out this post, write a personal message on the back, insert it in the book and sign it, "Edward"?

  3. Actually that sounds like a really good idea. Thanks a lot!

  4. Wow. I love the Twilight analogy, it works on so many levels. But, now, every time I picture you, I'll see Robert Pattinson. =0)

  5. I found this blog on a email my mom sent labeled nothing wavering, lds blogs. You are very inspiring to me and thank you for your perspective and relationship with God. He is very aware and will be very proud of what you are doing with your life and situation.

  6. Did you know you are also funny? That is a talent ;)

  7. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that Twilight showed up here, too. It's like a sparkly plague that has spread everywhere...

    I don't think I can picture Robert Pattinson speaking up and giving spiritual insight in an elder's quorum meeting.

    I do like Autumn's comparison, though.


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