Tuesday, February 8

We Should Be Lovers

I was listening to Pandora the other day when the song changed to "Elephant Love Medley" from Moulin Rouge. I've never seen the show, (and I'm not sure if I will, given comments made by a friend about it) but I fell in love with the song. The character who is singing (I think played by Ewan McGregor) is definitely about as crazy as I am, just as hopelessly romantic, and just as willing and anxious to find someone to love. I don't know the context of the song, so I can't comment on the actual nature of their relationship, but it struck a chord in me, as all love duets do.

I don't have many things that are on my list of qualities to look for in a future wife. I've never been attracted to girls with blond, brown, red, black, purple, or no hair. I used to have a long list of all the things I wanted to find; now I just want to find someone to love completely, and we can grow together. But there is one definite thing that I want - a love of singing love duets. Yeah. My favorite memories of talent shows and karaoke parties were convincing girls to sing love songs with me. When I'm singing, I can put myself into the words, and it's the closest I've ever been to really being in love. I'm not sure how the audience feels... since my voice probably butchers their favorite songs and leaves irreparable scars on their musical souls... but I like the feeling. I've given girls the wrong idea a few times, though... when they didn't realize that my real emotions were different after the performance... but I still think it's worth it.

The other theme in the song - beyond a love for "silly love songs" - is an interesting commentary on searching for love. "Though nothing will keep us together, we can steal time just for one day..." Both people realize that it may not work out between them, but they realize the beauty of being in love - and of caring for another person - regardless of the ending result. In that phrase is the reason why I sing love songs with girls I don't know and date when I know it won't work out - why I ask girls out when I'm pretty sure we have almost nothing in common - because showing love to others, and spending time with them, is worthwhile even if it's not with my eternal companion. "Love is a many-splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love." If I knew who my eventual eternal companion was, or if I always had girls that I thought were, somehow, potential candidates, then dating would be more straightforward. But it isn't, and so I approach each relationship with an open heart, open mind, and the words swirling in my head, "We should be lovers..." even if only just for one day.

There's nothing wrong with loving people. Now, the love I'm talking about is somewhat different from the love of the world - I firmly stand by the belief that sexual relations are reserved for expression between husband and wife. But showing love in every other way is an incredible thing... and one of my passions in life. The friendships I've made from showing love have changed me, and often my core motivation in the things I do is simply finding ways to show people that I love them. I'm not always very good at it (more likely that it matches my singing voice in creating emotional scars :) ), but I'm slowly learning. And hopefully, by the time I actually meet the girl I'll fall in love with someday, I'll better know how to show love. In the meantime, it will continue to play in the back of my mind, throughout each day... "We should be lovers..." In my mind, it's just an intense way of saying "We should be friends..."


  1. Love IS a many-splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love. So why is it that you deny yourself the possibility of finding that love (not lust) with another man? Also, you should see the movie it is fantastic!

  2. That's one of my top 5 movies actually. And it's a great medley.

  3. Honestly, I love this song and the movie that it comes from. And I agree with everything that you said in this post. I think that love, in some form, needs to be shown to everyone, whether things will work out or not. Showing love towards someone shows that they are important to you, even in a friend way. Everyone is a Child of God, and deserves to have love given to them. Thank you for this post.

    Oh, and you aren't alone. I love singing love song duets. Even if I don't sound the best. :]

  4. Okay, I wasn't sure where to post this BUT...

    I was reading this passage in the book Twilight where Bella talks to Edward about why he doesn't feed on humans and I thought of you:

    "'Why do you do it?' I said. 'I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you... are. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place.'

    He hesitated before answering. "That's a good question, and you're not the first to ask it. The others- the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot- they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been... dealt a certain hand... it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above- to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted.'"

  5. Autumn: Your comment made me laugh. If I think of it, there are actually a bunch of similarities... I think the world could use some humor - I'm going to write a post on that...

    Mormon Guy

  6. hehe... Now I finally feel vindicated in liking Twilight... I mean it's sort of like the Bible... lots of life lessons and applications! LOL!!!

  7. I love this movie. This song is my favorite... IF you don't see the whole movie, it's worth it to just watch this scene (and when Ewen McGregor sings Your Song) to see the passion as they sing.

    This is one of the few movies that the actors sang live. It wasn't voiced over afterwards.

  8. Thanks a lot for this post on love. It's something I've been struggling to define a balance in, because frankly, being hurt seems inevitable (there's only one person I'm counting on never breaking up with, and I haven't met him yet). The reminder that it's worth it - because caring about someone and feeling love is important - is one I needed.
    P.S. "Lucky" by Colbie Caillat and Jason Mraz is another cute love medley :)

  9. David:

    I didn't publish your comment immediately because I was pondering my response.

    I think from our previous conversations I've come to understand that my definitions of love and lust are different from yours. I believe that love includes the expression of desires and passions within the bounds that the Lord has set through modern-day prophets. Specifially, the law of chastity entails having no sexual relations except with a spouse of the opposite gender to whom one is lawfully married. Lust is the expression of desires and passions outside those bounds.

    With a specific definition of love and lust, I can answer the question. Do I deny myself the thought of loving another guy? Of finding a true friend who loves me in return and with whom I can share my dreams and desires - someone to be a soulmate and support me through it all as a best friend? No - I don't deny myself that possibility. I think it's apparent from many of my posts that I'm looking for close friends - people who share my experiences, can understand me, and who inspire me to become the person I want to be. I do deny the possibility of having sexual relations with anyone but my future wife - since those are the bounds of passion that the Lord has set and I've committed to keeping them - but my desire to find people who share my vision and passion, who can stand with me as friends who know the every working of my soul, isn't limited to one future wife. It extends far beyond that.

  10. Mormon Guy, I'm going to recommend that you don't see Moulin Rouge. Ewan McGregor's singing voice is fantastic, but the film has a lot of sexuality in it--it simply doesn't merit watching. The soundtrack even has songs you would want to skip. I remember a great intro to a musical number toward the end of the movie (where the characters are putting on a performance, I think); maybe you could catch comething like that on YouTube or a similar site. Have faith that you'll keep on living if you don't see the movie, though.

    Singing is the best. I love singing with my wife and kids, and really hope to sing with them more as they get older. Keep it up.

  11. David:

    I guess since I am aware of your passion of having sources, I should have shared the reference that clearly explains my beliefs on the law of chastity. The most current and comprehensive statement of Church doctrine as it relates to moral policies is contained in the Church Handbook of Instructions, Book 1. Since I don't have access to that volume, and it would be inappropriate to quote it in this forum, I reference an excerpt in Book 2, which is available on the Church website. The heading is "Chastity and Fidelity" and very clearly states that any relationship outside of lawful marriage between one man and one woman, including any homosexual relations - those within legally-recognized unions or not - are sinful. That is the clearest, most direct statement possible. The reference is http://lds.org/handbook/handbook-2-administering-the-church/selected-church-policies?lang=eng#214

  12. Yes! Other people DO share my love of singing duets! I can sometimes get my roommates to sing with me, if I do the guy's parts, but I secretly want to sing disney duets with a guy :) I don't even care if it's a guy i'm in love with, or just a friend. You, good man, have an awesome perspective on what's REALLY important in life! ;)

  13. I wish I could meet you in person. From learning about you, as much as a person can just by reading their thoughts and struggles and hopes, (kind of a big deal, :)) it is a thought that comes to mind. You share a lot of the same ideas and interests that I have as I am searching for my eternal companion. You have so many qualities that I am searching for in another. You are blessed to have learned them, through your trials in life. Some woman will be very lucky to have you around for all eternity. :) Thank you for sharing your thoguhts about love and learning. Your struggles aside, I've gained some beautiful insights as I'm searching. I've looked at myself closer and how I can be a better partner someday. Of course, your strength is inspiring, and your words a guide.
    -from one searching mormon to another, Kristi :)


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