With my recent conversations with others about (Gay) Mormon Guy I've wondered about my direction here. I started blogging because, 10 years ago, I wished that I could have found someone - anyone - who was a success story in the making. Not someone who had somehow miraculously "changed" and never had to deal with the issue again, but someone who still lived with it, and never gave up hope. I had never heard of anyone like that. And 6 months ago, when I began blogging, I was one of few who openly and actively raised their voices in unapologetic support of the Church and its teachings. There are dozens of ex-Mormon gay blogs, anti-Mormon gay blogs, and gay Mormon blogs that condone living "your own version of the law of chastity." But what I needed - clear and unapologetic doctrine, hope, and understanding... didn't seem to be available.
I never wanted clinical counseling - it never seemed like a clinical problem. The issue I faced was a choice of will - whether I would give in to temptation or not. Evergreen, NorthStar, and the rest of the unofficial therapy groups that proclaimed their perfection for gay Mormon men and women... never seemed to have what I felt I needed. And other groups (whose names will definitely stay unmentioned) claimed to be for gay Mormons, when in actuality they were as anti-Mormon and pro-promiscuity as possible.
Someday I hope that the need I felt - and the need I am trying to fill with (Gay) Mormon Guy - will find its expression with the strength of the body and within the official channels of the Church... because those are the two things I lack. I can't be a best friend to everyone who needs one. I have a hard time finding and making friends in the first place. And, while I can share my own personal experience and testimony, nothing I say of my own accord is official doctrine of the Church that I love.
I asked yesterday if I should stop blogging here - if it was time to move on with my life - and testimony after testimony bore witness to me of the importance of sharing my witness with the world... trusting in God... and doing my part in the field in which I've been called. The Lord gave me the ability to write, to see His hand in all things, and the strength to conquer my trials each day. All He asks is that I give thanks and share the good news - that peace, happiness, and hope come from living the principles of the gospel and keeping the commandments.
I guess I should have known that He would say that. Press forward with a steadfastness of hope, having a love of God and of all men. At least for now, that's my direction and resolution for the coming year.
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
Monday, January 3
Finding Direction: the 9th Day of Christmas
Labels:
Christmas,
Direction,
Friends,
patience,
Perspective,
Prayer,
Priesthood Leaders,
Testimony,
Writing
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I am glad that you are going to continue to blog, and that you feel that God is leading you to do so. I think that there are probably many Mormon men and women, (and other Christians, in different religions like being a Baptist, etc.) who also struggle with what you struggle with, but do not have the same strength that you do to be open about it. I am very encouraged by your strength and your example of living as Christ desires us to live in him. Please be encouraged and press on because I think you shine on others through this blog more than you know!
ReplyDeletePeace,
A Sister in Christ.
I, for one, very much appreciate your blog and what you are attempting and achieving through it.
ReplyDeleteYour blog is an example that it is truly possible to live with SSA and follow Christ at the same time... as well as obtain joy, strength, comfort, and hope in doing so.
ReplyDeleteYou're also displaying your faith in the Prophet and the gospel doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. This is a story that is being read by members of the church, members of other faiths, and even people who are becoming curious about what it is the gospel has to offer. Your entries remind me that God is there, and that He is waiting to help me with my own trials. Thank you for writing!!
Keep it up! What you are doing is awesome and I believe a part of the marvelous work and wonder of these last days.
ReplyDeleteThank you for continuing your blog. I don't deal with SSA, but you are such a strength to me in my own kinds of trials. Your voice is a voice of pure truth and light - even amidst turmoil. The world has enough of the other kinds of voices. We need your voice. Not only do you have the ability to help others who share your same challenge, but you have the ability to help those of us within the church, who deal with other challenges, to understand THAT challenge. Win, win, win, win. I think by reading your blog, a person is only able to gain more compassion, more love, and more faith. If your readers are dead-set on not having those things, they will merely go on not having those things. In other words, there is only good to be had by your words and I am one, among many, I'm sure, who is grateful for what you're doing here. Thank you!
ReplyDelete