Sunday, May 15

I Told Them

I Told Them.

When the Lord told me to start writing this blog, He also gave me the injunction to never tell anyone in my life about it or about being attracted to guys. I definitely never intended to tell anyone about it in the first place.

Since then, there have been a handful of times that I've felt strongly impressed to share it with others. I never completely knew why at first, and I was scared to death... but as time went on each impression made more and more sense... and it became easier to follow the guidance of the Lord even when I had no idea why or what would come of it. Confiding in a priesthood leader who just happened to have a personal connection that tied me to other figures in the Church. Telling a friend who, for whatever reason, needed an especially difficult trial of faith. Telling others who live as I do, who needed help trying to keep the commandments and stay clean, no matter what the cost.

Now He told me to tell my parents.

So I told them.

It was a conversation with my mom and dad. After just talking for a little bit, I explained that I needed to discuss something important... even though they had already had what sounded like a stressful day... and then I followed the outline that was my last post.

I want to note here that I didn't "come out" to my family. I didn't "confide in them my sexuality" either. I just shared something that I face - an offshoot, albeit significant, from who I really am. I didn't tell them to ask for different treatment as a person. I didn't ask them to change their expectations or their hopes and dreams for me. I simply gave them a view into my soul - a glimpse of the trials I face, what I've done to learn from them, and the gratitude I feel toward God for loving me enough to allow me this trial in mortality.

They were mostly silent as I explained each facet, responding only when I asked questions to ensure they understood. When I finished, my mom's voice was subdued as she said, "Sounds like you've been carrying a heavy load for a long time..." They expressed their love for me and thanked me for trusting them enough to tell them. Then, after asking if they could read my blog (I answered in the affirmative...) they asked one question: "What can we do to help?"

I explained that I hadn't intended to ever tell them... but that the Lord had asked me to... and maybe it was because they could receive revelation on my behalf. There aren't many people in the world who can receive guidance from God for me, personally, in my life... and my parents are two of them - two people who know me well. So I asked them to be close to the Spirit and ask God for revelation on my behalf...

When my dad then made the remark, "Sounds like you need to hold girls' hands more," I hoped that he wasn't being serious. 

But he was. 

And then I realized that my parents, even though I had bared my soul to them, didn't understand the issue. They didn't understand the psychology behind it, therapies that definitely don't work and those that sometimes do, the social effects it creates... my dad didn't even realize that it meant a genuine lack of physical attraction for women.

But even if they had been clinical psychiatrists who had helped clients for decades, my parents would never be able to understand... because they have never experienced it.

But they don't need to. They just need to care, and be close enough to the Lord to know what to do in my behalf.

And so I explained what I meant by staying close to the Lord. "Before you suggest anything, take it to the Lord. Before you set me up with someone, take it to the Lord. Ask Him to be involved in the counsel you give me - you don't understand, and I don't expect you ever to really understand... but God does, and He can inspire you to do the right thing. And it might be something that won't seem to make sense. Most of my feelings, in your paradigm, don't make any sense. Which means that the solutions might not make any sense either. I have a feeling that they probably won't - at least not to you at first."

In the hours since, I don't think our relationship has changed much. They don't look at me strangely. And even though they don't understand, they care about me and want me to be eternally happy. Which makes my parents even more amazing in my eyes. They're totally different. And yet together they're awesome. And hopefully someday I can be like them... and have a relationship with my own children... and love them unconditionally and help them work through their own problems, whatever they may be.


  1. What a brave thing to do, not just tell but follow the instruction of the Spirit. I would argue that your parents could NEVER understand. I think the revelation of the Lord could, but not necessarily will, give them an understanding of what you are going through. I don't know if that would be best in your case but is possible, I believe. Sometimes the Lord's revelations can be so encompassing as to include not just thoughts or words, but also feelings, even other's feelings to instruct or guide us. If the Lord can understand you, and I believe he can, then he could enlighten others to understand you fully, even without experiencing it. The closest word we have to describe it is empathy, they can know what you feel if the Lord wills it.

  2. I don't know if I would ever have the strength to be able to tell my parents something of this magnitude. I'm so glad you had this conversation with them...and I'm especially glad that it hasn't seemed to change your relationship with them!

  3. I am so happy for you. I am also happy for your parents and their loving attitude towards you.-Brigitte

  4. I'm sure that took a lot of courage to do.

    I am a Mormon and share the same struggle you do and have never told my parents. But then I've never felt like the Lord wanted me to. If, however, I ever received promptings to do so, it would still be very difficult. I admire your willingness to follow the Spirit in your life. That will carry you so far.

    And thank you for keeping up this blog. I come here every now and then to read posts, because it helps me realize that someone else out there experiences the same things I do; the same pains and weaknesses that you just can't tell most people about, and even if you did, they wouldn't understand completely. I like reading these posts because it helps me remember I'm not the only one.

    You're doing a great work! Keep it up.

  5. I'm sure you did the right thing. I wish I knew a way to offer personal support more than this comment but know you have it from at least the 600 or so people who will read this post.

    You're inspirational. Keep your heart open and your parents will do the same with theirs.

  6. You are awesome. Seriously, I am always so impressed by your posts and your faith. It's so inspiring to see how spiritually sensitive you are and close enough to the Lord to get such promptings...and then brave enough to act on them! I am definitely not that in tune with the Holy Ghost--it is a trait I aspire to have! I'm sure you did the right thing too, especially if the prompting was from the Lord. I loved your advice for them to go to the Lord first and to become more spiritually sensitive to receive revelation to help you.

  7. Way to be. I remember when I told my sister a few years ago, she was so supportive, but she fully acknowledges that she doesn't really understand the struggle. And when I told my mom, I knew she wouldn't get it, but still, the support and relief that comes from knowing your family is behind you and praying for you is amazing.

    Good job. Keep following those promptings. It was an experience like that that gave me the courage to let my mom in on my life and I don't regret it. You won't either. Just be patient with them in their ignorance. It'll take time for them to get it.

  8. I'm very impressed - both with your courage and faith, and that of your parents. It gives me hope that I could react the same way to any problem my children would bring to me. Bless them for (mostly) just listening and asking thoughtful questions. You have good parents. But you already knew that.

  9. I don't know why, but for some reason your instructions to your parents to "take it to the Lord" before giving any advice, setting you up, etc. has given me a new way to deal with my mother. Our roles are reversed right now. She is sticking it out with her husband who's cheating on her with another woman. I have NO understanding of her feelings and struggles either, sigh... I will hold myself out of it until I, too, "take it to the Lord". Thanks for all your posts, and sharing your experiences and wisdom. =D You are a great teacher.

  10. That was a brave thing that you did. You will most likely have a renewed sense of support that will carry you through the tough times.
    Understand that although you've had a long time to plan, think, and contemplate your challenges, your parents are hearing all of this for the first time. Afford them patience. :)

  11. Amen to this. What did you feel as you expressed all of this to them? There have been a few, precious times when I've brought something to my parents which I thought I'd have to hide forever; I always felt surprised by the anticlimax of it all. Nothing changed, which felt strange, but then there was no longer any fear about that issue in my life... wondering what you experienced?

  12. Scariest thing ever. I could never imagine telling my parents about my struggle. So glad that you were able to receive the inspiration to open that door of communication. Just know should times ever get rough that us, your readers, still love you, no matter what struggle you face in your life.

  13. You are amazing! I happened upon your blog by chance and I am deeply touched by your sentiment, your honesty, your faith. I love that your SGA doesn't define who you are but that you are first and foremost a child of God. Thanks you for being worthy and willing to let the spirit work through you. The fact that this blog is here only reaffirms my testimony that the Lord knows our struggles. He knows the individual and ensures that no one is ever alone. Thank you!

  14. You always follow the Lord. You will always be led in the right direction. Your faith and willingness to do the right thing strengthens and inspires me.


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