Trials are black lines on white canvas. They find meaning only when filled with colors and light. And when they have filled their purpose, they disappear, forever hidden beneath the life they helped create.
I sat gazing at the temple a few days ago... just looking up into the dark September sky, my heart full and my mind at ease. Some of you may have noticed that I changed the heading on (Gay) Mormon Guy... because, at least right now in my life, being attracted to guys doesn't make my life extra rough anymore. Most days, it doesn't cross my mind... and when it does, in the form of a guy (or a girl with whom I can't seem to connect), life goes on as planned. Planned partly by me, and mostly by Him. I don't feel the loneliness that I used to. God Himself, and Christ, are with me. They fill my needs, and I can turn to Them more readily than a Siamese twin... because They know my thoughts, my heart, my hopes, my dreams... and He has felt and experienced it all.
Tonight, I'm eternally grateful for a God who loved me enough to outline my life with dark, black lines - lines that seemingly had no meaning - and then to give me the tools to color in the blessings of eternity. All the pain, the anguish, the suffering, the sorrow, the guilt, the work, the stress, the heartache... it's really worth it, and happiness will come - not just in eternity, but in this life. I wish everyone could have that experience... and feel the way I feel tonight.
wow. I can't describe how grateful I am to have come across your blog the other day. Today was a day I was one of the days I struggled with my thoughts and feelings. I just need to constantly remind myself that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ ARE there for me. I am never alone - no matter how alone I feel at times. "It's really worth it. And happiness will come."
ReplyDeleteThank you
Guy, I've been following your blog for a little while now and I love it. Heavenly Father loves you so much and I'm sure he's so proud of you. You've given me so much hope, in my case not so much for myself as I don't struggle with SSA but hope for people I know that do. I've sometimes struggled with knowing how people with that trial can find happiness and overcome that trial in thus life and you are the perfect example of exactly how to overcome. All gay members of the church I know personally are practicing gays who have left the church and are anti Mormon as a result if their choices and understanding so it's so refreshing to me to see that doesn't have to be the case, that there are valiant children of God that can and do choose the right. Thank you for your example.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous:
ReplyDeleteI have to correct you. I'm just an example. What works for me in my life may not work for everyone. But the principles of the gospel do work for everyone, and hopefully my story can help you and everyone look to the perfect example - Christ - turn to Him, and through Him be saved.
Thanks for your comments.
Your words are always filled with such faith and love for the Savior. Thank you.
ReplyDelete...and yes, the paragraph at the top is original. It came to me and was actually the reason I wrote the post. I like the imagery... For all those who googled it and came back here :)
ReplyDeleteNice post, but I must say that I liked the previous heading much better. I was first attracted to your blog because finally there was somebody out there with whom I could commiserate. Your new heading isn't near as attractive to people who haven't already read your blog from start to finish. Just saying.
ReplyDeleteChris -
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback... I guess I hadn't thought about it that way - I was just trying to focus on the positive a little more, but looking back I definitely get where you're coming from. A huge goal here is to help people find someone who understands - a person who believes and feels the way they do... so I'll do some praying/soul-searching... and I may have to change it back.
Dear Mormon Guy,
ReplyDeleteI, too, have been following your blog for a while. I'm one of those SAHMs that some of your readers are annoyed with because we don't fit the bill of who might appreciate your life situation. tee hee. That amuses me because all of us have something, usually more than one something, that tries us on earth. Anyway, this post really touched me because you said something that I recently experienced. I lost a pregnancy, and I literally fled to thoughts of the Savior to carry me through that most horrific day. When you wrote that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ were with you, I immediately knew what you were talking about. God's children CAN feel His presence if they go to Him. Thank you for reminding me of that.
Victoria -
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that it resonated with you. I think that's the key to understanding the gospel as people share their own stories - instead of trying to blithely apply principles directly to life, trying to understand similar situations and find personal answers. And then storytelling becomes a catalyst for change as it carries listeners forward to resolution with their own individual problems... - not the end-all answer to life's problems.