I was just playing the piano and listening to the words of hymns in my mind, and the last one I played was "Nearer, My God, to Thee." For a long time I've known that all of the things the Lord gave me - same-sex attraction included - were gifts to help me somehow return to Him. But the music of this hymn, seems to break through the simple words I've used before and speak volumes to my heart.
Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!
E'en though it be a cross that raiseth me.
Still all my song shall be nearer my, my God, to Thee,
Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!
Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down,
Darkness be over me, my rest a stone,
Yet in my dreams I'd be nearer, my God to Thee,
Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!
There let the way appear, steps unto heav'n;
All that Thou sendest me, in mercy giv'n;
Angels to beckon me nearer, my God, to Thee,
Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!
Then with my waking thoughts bright with Thy praise,
Out of my stony griefs Bethel I'll raise;
So by my woes to be nearer, my God, to Thee,
Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!
The Lord knows my heart, and He knows me as His son. He loves me, and because He does, He gives me everything I need to be happy and to come closer - nearer - to Him. The cross that lifts me is my own. I have been given trials and tribulations - steps unto Heaven, given by God through His mercy and love - intended specifically for me... and with the one express purpose of lifting me from the mundane world of mortality and raising me up to happiness, joy, love, and eternal life. With that in mind, I can look at my life, my circumstances, and who I am inside... and turn to follow God and become nearer to Him. And as I do, everything will work out.
Or if on bended wing, cleaving the sky,
Sun, moon, and stars forgot, upwards I fly,
Still all my songs shall be nearer, my God, to Thee.
Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
Wednesday, January 4
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That's a pretty amazing perspective that I don't have and I don't deal with the challenges you do. have you thought of sharing this with other members that deal with this? An anonymous ensign article perhaps? somehow it needs to get to those SSA's who have started their own ward or left completely. Really, with your faith and true commitment to the truth regardless of how it effects you, there must be a higher reason. You can help others.
ReplyDeleteI love the text of that hymn too, but I don't know that we should classify our trials as "gifts" necessarily. Sure, they're things we are required to undergo and overcome and hopefully grow and change (change is KEY) from the experiences, but the word gift has a certain connotation, and temptation to sin doesn't seem to gel with the terminology.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to label yourself, you know. "Gay" is an adjective for behavior, not a label of identity.
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ReplyDeleteMusic has such a profound impact on me sometimes. I'm grateful for the hymns and the positive spirit they sometimes can bring into our lives.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post
Drew: I honesty believe that, for the righteous, all things will work together for their good - and mortality, in all its imperfection, is an incredible gift from God. That aside, I agree that I don't need to label myself - hence why I don't. I'm a son of God, a faithful member of the Church, and I am defined by my actions and choices - not by the circumstances of my life.
ReplyDeleteHi there! I am really curious about one thing, could you be so kind and please tell us where you grew up?
ReplyDelete