I had dreams last night where I found myself in compromising situations with guys who were actively gay. They were attracted to me, my body was attracted to each of them, and we both knew it. So it wasn't a huge surprise when all three times, the guy tried to initiate sexual contact.
I don't have dreams like that often.
My dreams feel like an extension of waking life - many of the habits I've developed have been practiced in dreams. And since I'm a lucid dreamer, and usually have full control over my actions within the context of the dream (even if I don't know I'm dreaming), I feel like dreams are just as real as day. The decisions I make in dreams give me a window into who I am and help me see the places I still need to improve.
I turned the guys down each time... and woke up from each dream at that moment, still able to see the disbelief on their faces, along with all the other churning images and feelings burning in my mind.
"That's not who I am."
After the last dream, I just lay there in my bed, wondering why I had just had that experience. Wondering about things like the reality of dreams vs real life - sins and successes and choices and decisions - and hoping that I would never relive the experience in the flesh.
Then my younger sister's voice appeared out of the darkness, softly asking if I would give my other sister, who's been really sick, a blessing. The dreams and my life flashed before my eyes, and I felt like I was worthy to help. As I walked to her room, suddenly it all made sense. I may not be anywhere near perfect, but, if dreams are any indication of reality (and I believe they are), at least I'm on the right path. And that knowledge meant that I could give my sister a blessing and know that God would make good on His promises.