My siblings watched a movie about a cappella music tonight, and I joined for segments while trying to revive my phone from a recent restore.
And it made me think.
Of all the things on my bucket list, performing with an a cappella group (outside of Madrigals) is one that has never happened. I've tried to start a group a dozen times - with family, friends, random strangers who sing... I took years of dance in a dozen styles... I've sung in musicals, opera, and done group recordings... And yet I've never really jumped all the way in. I've never really tried. Partly because the opportunities I've had conflicted with the pathway I felt I needed to take. This performance or that practice schedule didn't fit with other things that I needed to do in life. Partly because I am miserable at leveraging anything within the social sphere... and music has about as much drama and politics as people can imagine.
And partly because I'm afraid. Not of failure or success in music, but in making connections with people. I don't want to join a group and make the implicit commitment to be all in only to realize that I feel like I'm on the outside... and unable to be a central part of the team. Especially if someone else wanted the spot, and had the ability to mesh more than me.
So I've never really tried.
Part of me feels like there's room opening up in my life to try. Partly because I have plenty of fallbacks now, and partly because I feel like I'm finally finishing pieces of the divine to-do list that has pushed me along. This is my last semester in the MBA. My brother is getting better. (Gay) Mormon Guy is in a good place. Our business is growing.
I wonder if I should be afraid, because this feels like the calm before the storm...
And I'm not sure if I have the courage to even try. That sounds awful. But it's real.
Hopefully I'll change that.
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
Tuesday, January 8
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I was in an a capella group at school and it was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed it (even if we were [I was] really pitchy). But there did come a time when the politics and drama of it took a lot of the fun away.
ReplyDeleteBut, like you, I felt as though it was something I could learn from and enjoy, and I did, and when I bowed out after a few months of a lot of fun, I was left with positive memories and great stories. Go for it, and if you need a baritone, let me know!
I read the title of this blog more than once and thought it said "you're never really tired" and I thought, no, I can be really tired.
ReplyDelete