Wednesday, July 31


As time goes on I realize that I have some major necessary gratitude that has gone unfelt, as far as my trials and life go. Things I took for granted that definitely aren't granted in everyone's cases.

The most recent is triggers.

Or, maybe more accurately, the lack of triggers.

As far as I understand, and for the purposes of this, triggers are subconscious, mostly uncontrollable intense thought patterns (intense temptation, intense emotional feelings) that are linked to events that bear some type of similarity to emotionally intense events of the past. A guy looking into a guy's eyes at four inches away might trigger a strong desire to kiss him. A guy putting his head on another guy's shoulder might trigger something else. Even something as simple as a hug or handshake... time of day or location... prior events or sound or smell or taste... can be a powerful emotional trigger.

People who have intense triggers, will sometimes (often?) route their lives so that triggers don't get pulled. Maybe they avoid touch altogether. Maybe they avoid emotional intimacy with others. Or maybe they work at it and then have to figure out how to deal with triggers safely.

I recently realized that I don't have any physical triggers short of the line that morality dictates. What may summon an onslaught of temptation in one person doesn't usually do anything to me... and I'm grateful for that. And I don't really want it to change.

Some people I know developed physical triggers when they went too far with physicality. And then some or all of the preceding events - previously benign or at least not condemning - change nature and become triggers.

I still have to be aware of others, and boundaries and expectations are a definite must regardless. Triggering someone else, and unleashing the onslaught of emotions that accompany the experience, is usually not a good idea. I know that when I was abused years ago, that triggered everything that had gone wrong in my life, and I lost ground on everything I had been trying to accomplish. 

And I guess that sometimes triggers can probably come of their own bidding... which means I should be vigilant regardless of the circumstance. To emphasize that, my dad just texted me (and probably my siblings) with this message: "Please be extra careful today . I have that feeling something bad may happen. Be extra patient and careful in what is said and done. Pray for special help and guidance in what is done today." In the past we in my family have all had feelings that have helped us stay safe.

So be extra patient and careful. Extra aware of the needs and triggers of others. Extra diligent in doing the right thing to keep me and the people I love (who are sort of everyone) safe.

I think I can do that.

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