Sometimes it hits me.
A yearning deeper than the thoughts of my everyday, a feeling stronger than the surface of my reality.
It cuts me to the core, and makes me wonder.
It's a feeling like I should be someone... or somewhere... or something... and a longing, stronger than I can imagine, to make it happen.
It interrupts my workday, diverts my thoughts, and compels my attention to focus...
But I don't know what to do with it.
It's different from wanting to find love or wanting to make a friend. It's different from wanting to make a difference, or needing to do my home teaching, or needing to respond to a letter asking for help.
There is no clear direction along with the feeling... no revelation on the path I should take... just a deeply rooted sense of urgency - like the gut-wrenching feeling that someone, somewhere, needs help... and somehow I can do something.
Dear God, please help me figure out what it is I need to do... help me become the man I'm supposed to be. Bless those who are struggling in life, and help me do my part.
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
Thursday, July 5
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ReplyDeletewe & serendipity
I think I know the feeling.. It's an aimless wanting. It's a feeling that things should not be as they should be. Things could be better but you're just sure how.
ReplyDeleteI think that feeling is called 'dissatisfaction'.
Um... I've felt dissatisfaction, and, at least in my case, it has nothing to do with this feeling. This is more like the feeling when you feel like something awful is going to happen and you have to do something to keep it from happening... except without being associated with a person or anything at all.
DeleteWhen I get that kind of feeling I just try and do one thing to make someone's day! It may not be exactly the.. "solution" to the feeling, but even if it doesn't do anything for that particular feeling it gives you something positive to focus on for yourself and a friend/stranger/acquaintance/dog. Even if it does nothing to abate your feeling maybe it'll get you one step closer!
ReplyDeleteI have that feeling often. Like I need to produce a best-selling novel or be a successful entrepreneur. An urgency and a desire. Each time I feel that, I am personally reminded of what I should be doing right now (which in my case is raising my children). And now, as I look back over my almost 40 years, I see where Heavenly Father has moved me in directions I never thought possible through smaller more specific promptings. And I am beginning, just beginning, to get to that point of requirement. I can feel that, too. So hang in there. Do what He asks. And He will get you there!
ReplyDeleteCould it be your intuition?
ReplyDeleteI find when my intuition kicks in that it won't let me ignore it and, if I try to ignore it, my intuition just gets stronger and stronger until I am forced to listen to it.
I was about 19 the first time I encountered my intuition. I didn't know what was happening because it was a feeling that seemed to be coming out of nowhere. Back then it didn't occur to me that it could be intuition because I had only heard about intuition in reference to a woman's intuition so I ignorantly thought men were not capable of such a thing.
I have learned the hard way to listen to my intuition especially when it comes to important life decisions because my intuition is like a moral compass that tells me what is right for me; not necessarily the right thing for anyone else nor necessarily the easy path to take but the right path for me.
Regards,
Philip
I've felt like that before. I was making dinner and just had this strong urgent feeling that something was going to happen. And it cut to my gut. But I felt no direction as to what to do.
ReplyDeleteThe next day there was a huge tornado that blew my sister's house away. Fortunately, her whole family had left the house about 15 minutes before it came through; otherwise they would have been in serious danger.
I don't know why we get those feelings, especially since there is no guidance on what to do or even who to call. In my case, even though it was a huge trial for my sister and her family, it all came out okay. I hope things come out okay for you and those you love.
When I get that feeling, I try to turn it over to God. I can't feel the 'pressure' of not knowing what I don't know yet. If He wants me to do something, I need to trust that He'll let me know in a way I can understand it. Otherwise, I just feel anxious and helpless and inadequate.
ReplyDeleteThis may not apply to you...you know yourself best, but for myself, that feeling that somehow I'll be responsible for something or not preventing something and yet not having clear info or guidance about what to do? It doesn't yield good fruit for me.