I met a really handsome guy yesterday, and we had a chance to talk a bit about life.
He had it all put together. Goals for his future, totally in love with his newlywed wife, both of them beaming from the inside out...
As our conversation progressed, I found myself feeling a mixture of admiration and happiness for this guy. You know the feeling you get when you meet someone who is honestly a good person, through and through? That's how I felt.
You don't become an honestly good person unless you make good choices, consistently, in the face of major trials... I don't know what trials he's faced, but I could tell that he was a really good guy.
As the conversation ended and we parted ways, I found myself reflecting on my own life... and inevitably comparing myself to him. Not always useful. I know. But it happened anyway.
He's blissfully married... and I'm not. I don't have a woman at my side who shares my love and thoughts and dreams. Right now I don't even have a girlfriend. He has his life planned out... I have some direction for my life, but nowhere near that amount.
But the part that hit me hardest was on spirituality.
I'm usually the stalwart guy who has faith all put together. But over the last little while, pieces of my life have been falling apart. Everything from physical health to professional direction to social environments has gone through complete overhaul... and somehow in the midst of the chaos I lost what was most important to me. My prayers became shorter and less fervent. My scripture study got tacked on late at night or not at all. And those two set a shaky foundation that eventually dropped everything else from its place. I'm even realizing, as I write, that I forgot to pay my tithing.
I'm not at rock bottom. I mean, I have a complete and sure knowledge of Christ, of His Church, and of the blessings that come through exercising faith. I know that those who keep the commandments receive all the blessings that God has promised.
I just lost sight of that.
Thankfully, though, I know how to go back. Take time every day to really, sincerely pray... to lay out my life on the altar before God and work out my salvation with Him. Study the scriptures and keep them close... have them become the first place I turn when a moment is free, and the first place I go when a question arises. I just have to put the habits I spent so long learning back into place.
I'm not sure if what I feel is true jealousy. I want what this guy has - a happy family, direction in life, and an unwavering connection with God. But I know how to get there... and our conversation was enough to help me realize where I'm lacking and which way to go.