Since I've shared who I am here on (Gay) Mormon Guy, I've wondered what my place is here in the gay / Mormon community. For the last few years, I've tried to make (Gay) Mormon Guy be everything to everyone. A place to find a friend for people who want someone to talk to. A reliable, understandable (albeit unofficial) source of doctrine. A place to feel the Spirit. Explanations on what it's like in my life to live with same-gender attraction. Help with coping with depression and temptations.
But the world is changing. I used to think I needed to be everything to everyone, because it was so hard to find the pieces all put together. But with the changing world, the landscape of the world of LDS members with same-sex attraction is dramatically different from where it was when I started writing two-and-a-half years ago.
Northern Lights, the blogging group for North Star, has started up again, with stories from men and women all over the world. The Voices of Hope project is building a repository of 1000 stories of valiant faith and homosexuality. The Church launched a new site Mormons and Gays that organizes the doctrine of the Church and has the power of apostles speaking personally to the subject. And dozens of new personal blogs have been written - each sharing what it's like to live and love the gospel with same-gender attraction.
Part of me wants to believe that it's time for me to just disappear from this world. Except for one thing: I was just prompted to share who I am with the world. If God had expected me to disappear, He wouldn't have had me post about it on Facebook. There's no turning back now.
So I find myself wondering who I'm supposed to be. What I'm supposed to be doing. Where I should focus my efforts. Should I join the ranks of groups like USGA? The leadership team of North Star? Go out and write about experiential things like Journey into Manhood or whatever else? Organize outreach firesides? Just continue writing?
They're all good things. But which ones are best for me and my life?
I've taken the question to the temple, tried to figure out where I should go, and wondered more than anything. I feel like the Lord has specific goals for me. Specific things He wants me to do. I just need to figure them out and do them.
Then this week someone asked me to teach Elder's Quorum. Lesson 24 from the George Albert Smith manual... and in that lesson I found the answer to my prayer.
"Make your influence felt."
In those words are all the answers I've needed. I can be an influence for good, and do something to lift the world and make a difference in the lives of people around me. And it also holds a confirmation that God has a work for me to do... the promise that He is involved in my life... and will make it happen.
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
Sunday, December 16
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Dear Mormon Guy,
ReplyDeleteThank you so very much for making your influene felt. I am also an active Latter-day Saint living with same-sex attraction, but I am new at this. Not new at having SSA, I've had that most of my life, but new at being a part of the LDS/SSA community. Until only a couple of months ago I did not know that this community exists. I thought I was totally on my own. But I was blessed enough to come across another blog like this one. That introduced me to this world of faith-filled people who deal with this issue. I have, in the last weeks and months, learned so much, and have found healthy ways of dealing with this issue and remaining faithful to the gospel. As I learned more, I discovered more blogs, like yours, and it is a miracle to me to finally know that there are literally hundreds of people who know how I feel and have the same goals as me. That has brought a new level of peace to my life, and strength to face the trials I face. Each of us needs to hear voices of hope. Thank you for being one of those voices. Keep doing what you're doing, you're doing more good than you know.
That directive applies to each and every one of us. We can each be an influence for good. I look forward to seeing you use the influence you have for the good of LGBT Latter-Day Saints.
ReplyDeleteWow! - David: It is not a coincidence that we found your blog and read this post TODAY.
ReplyDeleteFirst let me say that my husband and I (aka - Mr. & Mrs. I Define Me) are sort of the new kids on the block in this LDS/SSA blogging community, but what is funny is that we really were not even aware that there were so many other blogs on this subject. As we have recently started our blog (we were encouraged by some of the commenters on The Weed to blog our story), we have been doing a little clicking around and are so excited to find that there is a whole world of people like us out there. Several, like you, who have been at this for years - geez, where have we been?? lol
Anyway, we are loving reading all the posts we can get the time for and feel like it is a dream come true for us - literally (we will eventually blog about a wonderful dream that Mr. I Define Me had a few months ago).
Well, so - here's the neat/coincidence? part... today while in RS, and as I listened to the lesson, "Make your influence felt", (yep)- I had a distinct impression that my husband and I needed to open our blog up to questions (a sort of impromptu panel discussion) about gay/same sex attraction/mixed orientation marriage/LDS issues. I think the idea was rooted in the fact that we had just sat down and Mr. IDM had answered a few questions that were listed on The Weed blog.
I love my husband's ability to be open and honest and share his "stuff". I just sorta knew that there were probably others out there like him who would be willing to join us in our "online panel discussion", and I know that there are lots of people out there with lots of questions and a genuine desire to learn and understand and grow. Although it's just a few individuals' opinions, feelings, beliefs, and experiences, - it could possibly be very helpful in fostering understanding, tolerance, acceptance, and love.
So, we decided to go for it, we put it out there today on our blog, and we are clicking around in hopes of finding more LDS gay/ssa men (or woman) who would like to be involved in our efforts, (Funny, it just occured to me that, for all we know, this may have already been done before, oh well - I'm certain that anything and everything inspired by God will help.)
We are anxious to read much more of your writing, thoughts, and insights, and we definitely think you need to continue to "MAKE YOUR INFLUENCE FELT". Please know that you are special and wonderful and helpful, and please join us if you feel so inspired.
Our url is http://idefineme.blogspot.com
PS - this is NOT an effort to get more readers to our blog, but truly and completely in hopes of enlightening others and helping them understand and grow. We feel strongly that we are supposed to be involved in these amazing things happening on this subject, and even that our Father in Heaven has blessed our lives with some wonderful miracles in such precise timing for us to be ready to share in His work here on the earth at thim time.
David-
ReplyDeleteI want you to know that your being right here, where you've been all along- from incognito GMG to David- has already been a huge influence for good in my life. So many posts have sunk deep into my core and for some reason (duh, sinking deep might have something to do with it) your post on the Mexican Temple's foundations always brings me back to what's really important. I can't get the fantastic analogy and imagery out of my mind, and for that I thank you...from the bottom of my heart:). I appreciate how you've revealed all the layers of who you are, because you are so much more than any one of your "labels" (bi-polar, autistic, gay, ssa, human), but theses mortal "levelers" make you able to affect so many for so many reasons. Your writing is immediate and sincere and I hope you will always express your influence through that medium. I have struggled with depression/anxiety/hormonal mood stuff for years with and without labels for it all and have always had to "dig deep" in order to find peace and some form of hope and courage to keep on. The blogosphere has been a great place to find kindred spirits for the shadow parts of myself that need to brought into the light so to speak. The answer is Christ and coming to a true knowdge of who he is and what he's done and can do for me daily from here to eternity. Thanks for encouraging me and others with your testimony.
Thank you for sharing this I myself am not religious but I always wondered how someone can be gay and still be religious seeing as how the religious community has not been the greatest supporter
ReplyDelete