Thursday, March 14

A Nice Thing about Guys with SSA

This is adorable.
It's sort of complicated to explain my physical needs to another guy if he's heterosexual. It feels sort of awkward to tell a guy that I'd prefer that he touch me more... especially in a culture where touch is so deeply sexualized. Simply having that conversation requires enough of a relationship that we're at least friends... which ultimately means that it almost never happens.

I totally understand the difficulty. Girls have had to explain to me their need for emotional and physical intimacy in relationships, and I was clueless until they told me. I'd assume that the same issues hold between guys.

That said, it's really nice when I meet a guy with same-sex attraction. I can immediately understand that he needs touch & emotional intimacy just as much as I do... and we don't need to go over the reasons why. And if I also know that he's committed to living the gospel and has clear moral boundaries, it makes it a lot easier to find someone who's willing to give me a hug or run his hands through my hair (both of which would make some hetero guys cringe just from reading about it) - not just because I look like I need it, but because he wants it, too... and he also knows what I'm going through.


  1. Understood. And despite having never met you in person, I wish I could hug you right now!!

  2. I look for that but i cn not stand it most of the time i have the ned to have some one run thear fingers throw my hear. But i can not sdand to be tuched most of the time but what i need is some one to gust scrach my back or run thear fingers in my hear. I strogel with ssa but i like both sexes. I can not have some one tuch me if it is in a senchul way. No one understands this but it is how my brain works with AS.

  3. GMG - (Mrs. IDM here) Oh how I wish I knew you in person, I sure would like to give you a BIG HUG. :D Although I'm sure you are probably longing for healthy touch from a male friend, I believe that any healthy/loving touch that comes from the spirit of another human being is beneficial to ones soul.

    It may seem funny, but Mr. IDM is very supportive of me hugging and touching his friends (in a friendly/healthy/loving way)), because he knows how important physical touch is, especially for some individuals who, for what ever reason, probably don't get that physical affirmation they so desperately need.

    One evening my husband and I were enjoying some time with one of our gay friends who was very much alone. He was not able to reach out to men or woman, had no 'real' friends, and just immersed himself in his work and the church. We ended up talking about 'dancing', and he mentioned that he had NEVER danced a slow dance with anyone - he said, as a matter of fact, he had NEVER even touched a woman (other than his mom & grandma), and he was in his early 30's at the time. So we put on some music, and I danced with him. It was mostly just light hearted and 'fun' for all, but it was also, actually, a very special and spiritual experience. It felt like my husband and I were so close that 'we' were giving a special 'gift' of touch to a man who was a great friend to both of us.

    Don't be afraid, David. Please know that there are probably so many people in your life, both men and woman, who are ready, willing, and able to show healthy love and physical affection to you with no strings attached - just good ole' down home affirmation,... that is something WE ALL NEED. I'm no expert, but I bet the more healthy touching you allow in your life, the better off you'll be, and the less problems you will have with the sexual boundaries that often interfere.

    Hey GMG - let's dance! ;)

    1. Thanks for sharing this, Mrs. IDM. I'm so glad that you were able to share this with your friend. Made me smile to read this. You are amazing.

  4. It's nice to know that your touch will be welcomed and understood as it's intended.

  5. I can relate. I love it when on rare occasions my straight buds put an arm around me, or maybe even give me a hug at Christmastime. But you're right, it's awkward to say, "I need you to touch me more often." So I do without, and enjoy when I'm with others who understand.

  6. Having a gay or SSA friend who shares your values and understands your need for touch, and likewise needs it in turn, is nothing short of awesome, as long as you both stay safe. I hope eventually I will be able to have a relationship with a straight brother that will do the same, but I will count the blessings I have today and leave tomorrow for tomorrow.



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