Saturday, May 7

Dear Mom and Dad

(I wouldn't actually send a letter. Even though I write well, my parents are verbal people... and they have the important ability of being able to listen even when they're confused or frustrated or lost - a rare trait in parents or children these days. With some people, writing leaves distance from difficult situations... but I've found it works much better to sit down and talk with them in person...)

Dear Mom and Dad,

I have something to tell you... something pretty serious. Yeah, you'll want to sit down. Close the door.

I've mentioned a few times about a blog I write and how it has helped me have an impact on the world. It has been amazing - I've had the daily opportunity to touch people's lives and help them find the faith to avert suicide, fix broken marriages, and pursue lifelong dreams. I started it almost a year ago. You've never read the blog... it's actually anonymous... and it shares how I live the gospel as part of my daily life... a rare insight to a side of me that I don't share with anyone else. It's a story of pain, of suffering, but also of hope, of love, and of faith and hope and trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises.

The topic is... well, I've lived for as long as I can remember with same-gender attraction. I share the gospel through that lens. I don't expect you to understand or know anything about what I'm going through... or even what you should do or not do. There are just a few things I want you to know.

I'm clean. I'm worthy of a temple recommend and plan for that always to be the case, no matter what the cost or what I have to give up.

This isn't who I am. It's not an eternal part of me. But it's something I face today, and have faced for years.

I support everything that the Brethren teach, and I feel like I understand most of what they teach in the actual context they intended. I don't express or support anything contrary to Church doctrine or policies.

Don't treat me differently. Don't expect anything less of me, or more of another, just because I live with this in life. In my Patriarchal Blessing, it promises that I'll fall in love with a girl, be sealed to her in the temple and have children in this life... and while it will take a miracle for that to happen, I believe in miracles. I believe that it'll happen to me, if I'm doing everything I need to do on my part.

Never tell anyone. Never allude to it in conversation. Don't bring it up with me unless you feel the absolute need, and never with anyone else. You can read my blog... just Google "Mormon Guy" and it will be the first hit... but realize that my anonymity needs to be intact... because the Lord has asked me to keep it that way. He told me never to tell anyone... and so the only times I've ever told anyone was when He told me to.

And so that's why I'm telling you - because He told me to. I wasn't ever planning to tell you. I wasn't ever planning to tell anyone, and then that all changed with my blog, when I realized that I had something that others needed - the perspective and faith and hope and peace and joy the gospel brings in everyday life, no matter what trials we face.

As far as what you can do to help me, keep me in your prayers... and when you try to help me in any way, look to the Lord for guidance. The answer isn't going to come from something simple or straightforward; otherwise, we would have already figured it out - it will come as a miracle, as we look to God and follow His promptings, no matter what they are.

I love you... and someday I want my own children to trust me enough to come to me with their problems... hopefully sooner than later... and I wanted you to at least have the vestiges of understanding.

It'll be okay. I'll be okay. The Lord has made amazing promises to me and all His children, if we keep His commandments... and I'm doing that. He will bless me, and it will all work out in the end, and today, for the best.

Mormon Guy

(As the top parentheses explained, this is not a coming out letter. It's just the information I would want my parents to know... and what I would want to know if my own future son struggled with this same issue.)


  1. This is... Beautiful... Even if you don't want to tell your parents through a letter, explain it this same way. I truly admire you for everything you're going through and the way you handle it.

  2. Sorry, I wasn't sure if "I wouldn't actually send a letter" meant you wouldn't send a letter IF you were coming out, or you wouldn't send a letter BUT you were going to say this in person. Either way, I really admire you and I hope that as you move forward in life you'll have the support you need from the people around you, whether you share your struggle with them or not. And given your trust in the Lord, I am certain that you will!

  3. I appreciate reading your insights which in turn help me with insights. I was a bit concerned with your comment about the answer not being simple or straightforward because it would have been figured out already. In my experience the Lord's answers are simple and straightforward they just haven't been thought of before. Hang in there, many of us want you to succeed.

  4. I read this with my daughter sitting on my lap. I hope she can talk to me this honestly when she is older. lovely. hopeful. true.

  5. I would completely agree that you are meant to have this blog and to have an impact on other people. I am straight and a convert to this church but I absolutely love the faith that you have and more than anything how you understand that this is not something eternal but a struggle you currently face. All too often we look at the struggles here on earth, which we knowingly embraced when in the grand council in heaven, as if they are the end to everything. It is our faith and perseverance that will pull us through and the blessings that will come forth from it. Although you are anonymous I will keep you in my prayers for your miracle :)

  6. you are a wonderful person....I know that we are all here to develop ourselves, some of us get some pretty hard things to deal with...Ether 12 is my favorite...The Lord gave us weakness. Since that is the case, He will help us with what He gave us...right?
    I hope so..because I am filled with weakness. Thank you for sharing your life

  7. Beautifully illustrated. After any parent had some time to think about was said, they would be very proud to have had such a wonderful son.

  8. I really admire your strength as you struggle with this challenge. I know that Heavenly Father loves you and he will make you strong enough to bare your burden and one day you will both conquer it.

  9. Thank you for this blog and for the inspiration you bring me and others. I struggle with many of the challenges you do and your posts always speak right to my heart. I am truly grateful for your example of faith and hope.

  10. What's amazing about you is that you touch, teach, inspire, and even change people who aren't struggling with same-sex attraction because of your unwavering faith. You make me think that if you can have faith and feel the spirit through your struggles, why can't I have faith through my trials? If somebody else out there can turn their back to the rest of the world and live with God in his life, why can't I? You are truly an angel, and I thank you. Keep it strong and keep holding your head high, because you are destined for greatness.

  11. I really appreciated the description that said, "This isn't who I am. It's what I deal with at the moment." I don't know anyone who wouldn't benefit from that perspective from time to time.

  12. Incredible. I am LDS. I know gay LDS people, men included. I know ones who struggle and ones who have left because of their struggles. I know parents who have struggled with this issue. This is stand-alone, the most heart-felt and encouraging letter I've ever read on this issue. IF you know someone who similarly struggles. Read this. It may change your mind. It could change your life.

  13. this is my first time reading your blog, but won't be my last.. i love your insight and have felt for a long time that the gospel is true, but the members of the church have a long way to go with their judgements of others. i like that, in your title, Gay is in parenthesis. there is so much more to a person than their sexual preference! my heterosexuality doesn't entirely make up who I am as a person, and homosexuality doesn't either..this is such a difficult subject to talk about without a debate.. so it is a relief to see a blog that instills the values of the gospel, while also sharing the struggles that you have overcome.. thank you for sharing!

  14. Thank you so much for putting up this blog, and being so thoughtful and honest in it. I hope to gain a little more perspective and compassion for people who are going through something so impossible for heterosexual people (especially LDS ones, perhaps?) to understand. It really gives me hope that someone dealing with something so incredibly hard as this can still be so faithful and true to the gospel. I am so very impressed.

  15. This is beautiful. You are an incredible person and I'm really happy I found your blog. I'm straight but one of my best friends is gay and especially after seeing what he's been through as a gay Mormon, I am blown away by your blog. Amazing. Please keep writing.

  16. Fabulous. I want to foster an environment of trust and honesty with my children. I hope that as they grow and face their own issues I will be trusted enough by them to have them talk with me.

  17. Your posts really touch my spirit. Thank you so much. You have addressed at least two issues here that I have been struggling with as the parent of one who experiences same gender attraction. My heart goes out to you and your parents, and you will be in my prayers.


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