Tuesday, May 31

Glorying in the Lord

When I started writing here at (Gay) Mormon Guy, I made the commitment to be honest. To lay all the cards on the table and play them like I see them, from my perspective. My hope was to be completely transparent... and in some way open up my experiences, thoughts, motivations, and feelings so that others could develop their own ideas and commitments in their own lives. That's why I write here - the hope that people will be able to find hope, peace, and faith somehow.

Sometimes, though, laying all the cards on the table has negative effects. For some reason... It's only okay to talk about my experiences as long as they prove my ultimate mediocrity. As a blogger, I could talk about a struggle preparing for and taking the LSAT, but mentioning that I got a perfect score, in all but the narrowest of contexts, could be easily misconstrued as arrogance.

It's a part of culture that, from my perspective, encourages me to truly embrace mediocrity as the social norm, instead of focusing on the reality of the good inside me. And, honestly, I don't understand it. I'm a candid person, in life and here, and if people take offense with my communication, then I guess I expect them to identify it so I can explain context. 

The first time it happened here, came with a vitriolic response to a memories about my mission; I had a great mission and was incredibly blessed while serving, and the reader took affront to that assertion. The only reason I had included that info was because someone had asked... and when I realized he was affronted, I tried to explain. Another reader felt it was arrogant to ask people to post their success stories - because of how I had written the invitation. Another more recent difficulty took the form of trying to share the mass of personal communications I get via email, without having to read hundreds of pages. Comments about how principles of the gospel have helped people change speak for themselves, but mixing them into a cohesive set creates difficulty. A good example is the transcript of how I felt I'd try to talk with my parents. I'll be honest. I have been amazed at the comments and letters I've received over the last year. The stories vary with each person - a wife who woke up in the middle of the night, somehow found (Gay) Mormon Guy, and then an hour later, her husband told her that he was attracted to men. A husband who was ready to file for divorce and again, somehow found (Gay) Mormon Guy and decided to talk with his bishop, find a therapist, and says he is happier than ever. Teenagers who had already planned their suicide and found (Gay) Mormon Guy... and found hope in the fact that someone else had been in their place and made it.

Do people change? Yes! Are there miracles? Yes! The gospel is an amazing thing - it changes lives and saves souls. And together I raise my voice with Ammon as he gloried in the Lord in Alma 26 -

11 But Ammon said unto him: I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.
12 Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.
13 Behold, how many thousands of our brethren has he loosed from the pains of hell; and they are brought to sing redeeming love, and this because of the power of his word which is in us, therefore have we not great reason to rejoice?
14 Yea, we have reason to praise him forever, for he is the Most High God, and has loosed our brethren from the chains of hell.
15 Yea, they were encircled about with everlasting darkness and destruction; but behold, he has brought them into his everlasting light, yea, into everlasting salvation; and they are encircled about with the matchless bounty of his love; yea, and we have been instruments in his hands of doing this great and marvelous work.
16 Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel.
17 Who could have supposed that our God would have been so merciful as to have snatched us from our awful, sinful, and polluted state?

35 Now have we not reason to rejoice? Yea, I say unto you, there never were men that had so great reason to rejoice as we, since the world began; yea, and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God; for he has all power, all wisdom, and all understanding; he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name.
36 Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo. Yea, blessed is the name of my God, who has been mindful of this people, who are a branch of the tree of Israel, and has been lost from its body in a strange land; yea, I say, blessed be the name of my God, who has been mindful of us, wanderers in a strange land.
37 Now my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every people, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. Amen.

The Lord has not forgotten me. And He has not forgotten His children who, like me, have felt to be wanderers, outcasts, sinners, and forsaken. He is the God of the Universe, and will grant me my desires according to my faith and His will... and If I am faithful, someday He will save me, and I can help in my own way to make a difference. And, for that, I will give thanks unto my God forever.


  1. I do appreciate your comments. I hope this is taken in the spirit in which it is intended.

    Some of us have a tendency to think that all gays are immoral and that being gay gives you the right to be immoral. I appreciate the fact that you have chosen to hold fast and overcome your trial in life. We all have trials and none of us has the right to use our trials or faults as an excuse for sin. You give me a new hope that not all gays believe themselves to be victims. I could claim being a victim and use that as an excuse to be angry or abusive myself. or I can live my life trying to overcome the effects of those years and be the best person I can be and live the Gospel of Jesus Christ to its fullest and allow Him to heal me.

  2. I LOVE this post! I LOVE your blog! It has frustrated me time and time again that I know quite a few Church members who believe if a boy/man is effeminate in any way then he must be 'gay' and he 'won't change' whether that boy/man is LDS or not. To believe this concept is to be narrow-minded and the person who truly believes this way does not truly believe Christ when he says we can come unto us and he will make our weakness our strength.

  3. I just want to thank you for your courage and honesty. You are a true example of grace, as you use your own experience to succor, encourage and uplift us all. I don't share your specific struggles but know from experience that living a chaste life is a challenge. I too hope to someday find love, while bracing myself for a celibate life.

    I draw strength from Doctrine and Covenants 64:31-33.

    "[M]y words are sure and shall not fail... But all things must come to pass in their time. Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great."

  4. I am not gay, a guy and or a mormon, i am a wife who loves her husband, pancakes and the Lord and i must say you have a way of writing about the Lord that is just amazing and so refreshing! I will be coming back to read more. Your post about the woman of the blood amazing...my faith in the Lord is what's important and how im changed inside! amazing--i've never looked at it like that. i hope God continues to give you the heart of writing in order to share some wisdom with others like myself. thank you.

  5. I completely agree with that mediocrity aspect. As a woman, I feel this pressure greatly. By no means am I perfect, I realize that, but I am confident in myself, and more than content with my looks and character. This leaves me open to a lot of social criticism. Somehow it's not "okay" to be confident in what the Lord has blessed me with, but it's perfectly acceptable if I sit here and point out all my negatives, battering myself emotionally. Haha maybe this was a little babbly, but this post REALLY struck a chord with me. I wish I understood why it's not okay to see the positive aspects of life, God, etc. I say stick with it, it's what makes your blog so refreshing! :)

  6. I think that you should continue to share success stories of others as well as your own. It's obvious that you are influencing so many for good as you share your experiences and your very strong testimony. Keep up the amazing work and don't settle for mediocrity!

  7. I find your blog interesting. I am a straight woman (Active in the church), Divorced, and I am friends with many people who are gay and have embraced their lifestyle. And while I understand why you don't and wish to change, I understand why they are happy with their choice. I hope and pray you find peace in this path and look forward to seeing how you progress. Much love hun!

  8. I daresay we all feel forsaken at least once in our lives. And because I know that pain, I can comfort those who are in it now.
    As for hurting people's feelings...when you write you have to be prepared to hurt feelings. No matter what you wrote someone would be hurt sometime. Don't worry about it.
    Love to you....It's all true you know?

  9. I've seen the same thing from my perspective: the urge to embrace mediocrity, or to downplay one's own talents or abilities as inconsequential. Whenever I see it, I think of a quote by C.S. Lewis:

    "Thousands of humans have been brought to think that humility means pretty women trying to believe they are ugly and clever men trying to believe they are fools...God wants to bring the man to a state of mind in which he could design the best cathedral in the world, and know it to be the best, and rejoice in the fact, without being any more (or less) or otherwise glad at having done it than he would be if it had been done by another. God wants him, in the end, to be so free from any bias in his own favor that he can rejoice in his own talents as frankly and gratefully as in his neighbor's talents—or in a sunrise, an elephant, or a waterfall."

  10. Anonymous -

    I love C.S. Lewis. I would have jumped at the opportunity to talk with him - to take classes from him... to get input on my writing and philosophy and views of the world from him. Humility isn't embracing mediocrity, nor is it downplaying achievements. It's being totally and completely honest about them, and, like you quoted, glorying in the goodness regardless of who has accomplished it, and always giving the glory to God. The most humble of all men - Christ - honestly told others who He was, and they called Him a heretic and a liar and tried to stone Him.

    I think that, in the end, humility comes from love. It doesn't really have anything to do with how you see what you do, but how you see others. If I truly love others, then I can be humble. But if I find fault in them and that fault makes me pass ultimate judgment on who they are, their motivations, or their ability to repent... then I'm in big trouble.


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