I was talking with a girl and I noticed her hair, her eyes, the way she smiled... I noticed the clothing she was wearing, the color coordination in her dress, the way she held her head while she spoke. Her laugh and a pleasant gaze that seemed to look into my soul... with peace and genuine interest.
And I felt something.
It was more than just relief at finding someone who could hold a conversation, or camaraderie in finding someone who shared a dozen similar passions that are hard to find alone. No... I've had hundreds of conversations where I played a part, wanting cognitively to know about the girl yet never feeling anything inside.
Until today.
There weren't any fireworks. Not even little ones. I didn't imagine her in white or even ponder first date ideas. In fact, had I not lived with total apathy and worse with girls, I doubt I would have noticed it. But it was there - something in her physical presence that made me want to be there.
I don't know what it means - whether it's some sort of divine sign on this girl (which makes life somewhat difficult, but would be awesome), or just a glimpse of something yet to come.
Either way, at the end, when I could still remember her name and asked for her contact information, it was because of more than just having a good conversation. I honestly hoped that I could see her again.
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
Tuesday, April 26
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:) It's a good feeling to meet someone you really like and want to see again. It's been a while since I've felt like that about a guy, and I have zero attraction to other women. It's special no matter who you are, but I'm especially glad that you have been able to experience it because of all that you've struggled with.
ReplyDeleteTHAT is awesome.
ReplyDeleteI'm really happy for you! That is awesome!!!!
ReplyDeleteWow!
ReplyDeleteYou amaze me. I am moving back to Utah with my cute family of 6 and I wish I could meet you. I only hope that means more feelings in the future.
ReplyDeleteVery cool!
ReplyDeleteThat is WONDERFUL! When the right woman comes to your life you will know♥
ReplyDeleteThat's fantastic! I'm so excited for you. Was is like having a veil taken off your eyes, and suddenly you could just SEE her? Anyway, I'm so happy for you, it seems your devotion to study and prayer is bringing about new opportunities for you!
ReplyDeleteI legitimately almost cried while reading this post. That is so WONDERFUL:) You have such a strong testimony you truly deserve to feel this:)
ReplyDelete