Friday, April 8

Longing

I made the mistake of watching an animated Disney romance with friends. Not a completely good idea for someone whose goal to get married seems eternally thwarted by the inability to find a girl to love. 

I'm consciously aware that Disney romances are almost completely fake. I know of the necessary abbreviations in courtship to speed along plotlines, the ideal situational tendencies, and the underlying assurance that everyone will live happily ever after... and that true life romances take mostly hard work and come as you cultivate love. Disney romances aren't realistic in hundreds of ways. But it doesn't keep me from watching a couple (albeit animated) looking into each others' eyes, baring their souls to each other... and longing to feel that connection.

It'll happen eventually. I don't know how, and I don't know when. But someday I'll fall in love with a girl, she with me, we'll be married, and have an awesome family. It'll take a miracle... Maybe a whole series of miracles. But salvation requires miracles anyway. Living life to its fullest, with faith, always requires miracles... so why should I expect any less from the most important decision of my life?

And in the meantime, it's worth the wait... and I have experiences and moments that help me see why I'm not yet married. I reach out to people in my world, help them fall in love with the Church, send them on missions... then start all over and do it again. I share the gospel here on (Gay) Mormon Guy and hear about readers who decide to be baptized, serve missions, work through problems in marriage, and find the strength and faith to live another day.

Yes, someday, and hopefully in this life, I'll fall in love with a girl, we'll be married in the temple, and work to make our marriage happy forever after. But in the meantime... I trust in the Lord and do His will. He blesses me each day. And working alongside Him, I learn of Him... which makes the longing (almost) completely disappear.

12 comments:

  1. I think “romantic” movies are killing marriages. Guess what … heart skipping, stomach fluttering, and other such feelings that movies create have just a little to do with true love. I wish I would have known that, because I had many relationships ruined because I wanted the world’s view of romance. Thankfully I found true love. The first time I kissed my husband was a conscious decision, and I felt the Spirit for the very first time in my life that I can remember. Now I know what true love is … two good people working together toward a common goal who become more and more reliant upon one another day after day, year after year. Each minute, each day, each year my husband and I feel even more certain that we need and WANT only each other for time and eternity because we are interdependent in that goal and it brings us great happiness and security. I know that you will be able to find that kind of love … it just sounds like you have to turn away from the world’s portrayal of it, because it is a lie!

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  2. I love to read your posts. They are always inspiring and uplifting. Thank you.

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  3. I really like what Elder Ballard says; that marriage is not a selection process, like shopping for the perfect item. It is instead an act of faith.

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  4. I love what Anonymous #2 said. You are meant to have joy in your life and the Lord wants that for you. Sometimes joy is something we have to work at. We all have our cross to bear and I am so impressed that you continue to have faith.

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  5. I like Disney movies, the way characters fall in love is realistic. If you think about The Little Mermaid, she fell in love with a man whilst she was a mermaid but their love overcame. Aladdin, he was a poor street thief in love with a Princess. But again, their love overcame such circumstances and changed him into the man he always knew he could be. I don't think love is anything you can control. I cetainly feel that my husband and I are opposites in many ways and there has been much for us to overcome. But with love, all things are possible. I don't believe that when you are truly in love you can fall out of love. And I do recognise that there is more to a marriage than love. Respect, trust, faith, mutal beliefs are the foundations that you must continue to build on. Though I find that I'm still learning, being married only two years this month, I'm still discovering what it means to be a wife xx

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  6. Love reading your blog but sometimes I can't help but comment based on other peoples comments... With this I completely disagree with anonymous#1 comment. I have been married twice (both in the temple) and I know the difference between what an eternal marriage truly is and is not... Yes it takes work on both parts always, but that doesn't mean that as I met my ultimate true eternal companion the "fireworks" didn't go off the first time we kissed and yes it's not like that every day of our lives... 4 years into the marriage and 2 kids later the fireworks still go off at times... All the feelings you feel watching those shows are still there and appear as we work everyday to show day other how we feel... Believe in the movie because it is truth and you will find that woman who will make those fireworks explode for the rest of your life... It's not always fireworks but they are still there always:-)

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  8. Thank you so much for this post (and your whole blog)! I really needed this right now. I'm in the process of working out a very complicated relationship with the man who brought me into the church and this was so helpful. We certainly don't have a "perfect" Disney romance and I'm learning to see how beautiful our relationship can be. Through worshipping together, sharing the Gospel, and helping each other to live the commandments, we're growing closer and our situation is improving. He recently decided to go on a mission (I'm very proud.) and I intend to wait for him. I hope that one day we can be married in the temple. It will certainly take hard work and faith, but I know that if it's part of our Heavenly Father's plan for us, things will work out. Whatever His plan, I know that it will be worth the wait if we are waiting in faith. Thanks for the reminder.

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  9. My sister and I were talking about just this same topic yesterday. She was saying that she and her husband, after 10 years of marriage, still have those fireworks, but it's not like it was when they were 21. She basically said that eventually, I'll find a girl who can take that leap of faith with me and we can base our relationship (and sex life) off of the deep love and respect we'll have for each other, rather than only on the initial sexual attraction we felt. That's the power of love.

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  10. The 'will it ever happen with me?' thoughts come to all of us. I'm still looking for anyone wants to hang around in a relationship with me for more than 2 or 3 dates. It hurts to be rejected as much as to just not feel any connection at all. But I know it will all work out- someday. Hang in there.

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  11. My husband's big issue with Disney films is the broken home. I have yet to think of a Disney film that doesn't show one of the main characters coming from a broken home. Often he can come into the living room and we're watching a movie we came across while flipping channels and identify it correctly as a Disney movie for this simple fact. anyway, just a little lol for you.

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  12. I just came across your blog and it holds a lot of personal interest for me because my husband also struggles with same gender attraction. He is the most faithful, stalwart member of the church you'll ever meet. He told me about his struggles before we decided to get married. It was one of the hardest things he has ever had to do. I must admit it was a bit of an out of body experience for me, too. (This conversation was very important because I would have been devastated had I found out after marriage. Knowing the situation beforehand was imperative. Then I could pray and make my own choice. My Patriarchal blessing talks about how I will be faced with a big and important choice when it comes to marriage. In all my years of speculation, I never quite guessed what that choice would be.) We have the happiest marriage and beautiful children. He is a wonderful husband, partner, and father. I couldn't ask for anything more. I have never once regretted marrying him because there's no one else I could have married who would make me happier and who would support me in the gospel better than him. I love him and he loves me. He always talks about how his feelings of attraction are just wired wrong inside of him, but he has been able to feel attracted to me. I wouldn't wish this trial on anyone, but it is possible to live a righteous life, to marry in the temple, and to be so happy. The Lord loves you and will bless you.

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