Wednesday, January 5

It Gets Better

Somehow this post disappeared. And there are links to it, so sorry about that...

Will it ever get better? Part of me often wonders if living life as an active member of the Church, going against what my natural man wants and society expects... will ultimately bring me the joy and peace I hope it will. That's the most common question I hear in personal emails and heart-rending accounts. It's the question that drives guys to insanity, to suicide, to depression, to inactivity in the Church, to burn-out zeal. "I've done everything right - went on a mission, graduated, date frequently, served in priesthood leadership, and I've prayed every day since I was 12 to be healed... But it only seems to be getting worse. I just want to die. Is life, or life in the Church, worth it? Will I ever be healed? Will it ever get better?"

So is it worth it? Does it ever get better?

Yes... in the Lord's way.

I want to be normal - like everyone else. He wants me to be like Him. I want to be free of pain. He wants me to be invincible - that nothing could ever hurt me. I want to be loved and be in love. He wants me to love all men completely and unconditionally. I want to live my life in peace. He wants me to live my life as a testimony of His grace. In all the things I ask, He gives me what I need and the strength to do His will... and as I come closer to Him, I grow stronger and gain His perspective, and it gets better.

The attractions (and lack thereof for women), in my case, are still here. The urges and temptations still strike me. The feelings of absolute and total isolation and depression still hit like a ton of bricks, tossing aside my plans and dreams like chaff in a flood. But as I have turned to God and truly had faith in Him, my strength to weather my trials has increased. I can better understand the attractions, fight the temptations, and live through the depression and isolation because I, like the prophets of old, have hope that my life, and the world, can get better, tomorrow.

"Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world..." (Ether 12:4).

I may have to pass through pain, sorrow, loneliness, and despair. The world and Heavens may seem stacked against me. But, if I will follow Him, someday the clouds will clear. Someday my dreams will come true. Someday the pain will disappear, surpassed by joy beyond belief. He is in charge, and He knows what He is doing. It gets better.

1 comment:

  1. You inspire me more than anything has in a really long time! I have so needed these words! I don't have the same struggles as you, but I've come to learn that we all are tested to our limits and sometimes we are there to lift others in their time of need. Thank you for your courage and honesty!


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