Wednesday, January 12

You may be a (gay) Mormon guy if...

1. You've convinced everyone but yourself that you are almost perfect.

2. You've never done a cat-call.

3. You know what K9 is.

4. You can count the number of girls you've wanted to kiss without any hands.

5. You have the section of your Patriarchal blessing that covers marriage memorized word-for-word.

6. You followed this blog in the BC (before conference) era.

7. You'd rather go to an Elder's Quorum activity than a date with the hottest girl in the ward. But you go on the date anyway.

8. You've made at least 10 girls cry when they realized you weren't attracted to them.

9. You can't find a picture of your ideal wife... which made that assignment in marriage prep a bit awkward.

10. You've taken every single marriage prep, dating, and other similar course the Church offers.

11. You've fallen in love, but never with a girl.

12. Your temple recommend is a permanent part of your being.

13. It freaks you out if a girl other than your sister or mom touches you. Girls who give backrubs in church? I'm not sitting by you again...

14. You'd give almost anything to be married and have a family - anything but your soul.

15. The word evergreen is more than just a Christmas tree.

16. "SSA" doesn't usually remind you of the old DOS game "Super Solver Adventures."

17. You've fasted for five days in a row, multiple times, just to get through another week.

18. You know what it's like to be alone in a crowd of people, even among family or friends.

19. You've spent at least a month taking ice-cold showers every single day, with a fully functioning hot water heater.

20. Your journal is under lock and key... or you don't have one at all.

21. You don't get massages for fear that the therapist might be a girl, or, even worse, a guy.

22. You believe, honestly, that lasting happiness comes from living the gospel at any cost.

23. You're okay with living today and finding happiness in the moment... And you have the faith to let the Lord worry about tomorrow.

24. God answers your prayers, stands by your side, and is willing to do miracles in your behalf... all but one.

25. You understand and believe... "all these things shall be for thy good, and give thee experience..." and daily you give thanks to God for the blessings, trials, and everything else He has given you in life.


  1. 1, 3-6, 14-16, 18 (Most deffo), 20-21, and 23 are true for me.

  2. BLB:

    Yeah, I think I should have done some type of scale or something -

    0-5 true: Yeah, you're probably either not (gay), not Mormon, or not a guy.
    6-10 true: You and I have some similar experiences, or similar viewpoints... but not a ton of both simultaneously.
    10-20 true: This is where most of the BC readers will probably fall. Thanks for being here, guys.
    20-24 true: Yeah, you're definitely a (gay) Mormon guy.
    25 true: Amen. Want to write a guest post?

  3. How interesting about your patriarchal blessing. I often read the part about marriage in mine (I, too, have it memorized) and wonder what in the world it means. I sure am anxious to find out...!

  4. Interesting list - one that describes your brand of being a (gay) mormon guy. Although my list has some overlaps with yours, it would include many other components, especially since I am currently married, but do continue to struggle with SSA.

  5. all but 17, never that long... close though... and I have trouble with 24, I know it's true, I'm just too hard headed to recognize it some days...

  6. Yeah. Maybe it should have been labeled "You may be like (gay) Mormon guy if..."

  7. My brother experimented in HS. I'm not sure all of what he did but I know it happened. We have talked about it but not in detail. He was ashamed and I was trying to be supportive but it was hard. He served a full mission, dated the girl of his dreams and married her. He has two beautiful baby girls and supports them with his whole heart. I honestly believe he was not 'gay'. I think the drugs and alcohol fed a lot of his experiments. I also think Satan had my brother under his thumb.

    I am reading your blog out loud to my husband. We both are on the verge of tears. I have no idea how to live day to day.

    My brother tried to give up. He said he hit rock bottom. He knew better and hated the pain and temptation. We almost lost him.

    Thank you for being so brave. Thank you for being strong even when you feel weak.

    God gives us trials that we do not understand. He doesn't give us trials to watch us fail. He gives us what he knows we can handle. He must thing highly of you because this is a doozy of a trial.

    Good luck. You are in our prayers.

    Keep the temple recommend. It's the best thing we could ever have in our lives.

  8. I don't know how much of your entry is autobiographical and how much you are just exploring the topic, but it prompts in me a desire to take you to breakfast, lunch and dinner, to assure that all the fasting isn't rendering you malnourished; and to spend some time with you chatting in a hot tub, or warm springs or on a sunny beach, to give you some chaste body warmth after all those cold showers. Thanks for a most vivid and somewhat chilling blog. ;)

  9. Ned:

    It's definitely all autobiographical. I've talked with other guys, and we often share similar experiences and struggles, but then they split a dozen ways. One group matches my beliefs, another group wants to believe them and is trying to move in that direction, another group is convinced that they are the exception to the gospel, and another tells me I'm just dead wrong. Either way though, the way I've found works for me is much more intense than the normal prescription for life... but it keeps me alive - both physically and spiritually.

  10. I'm not Mormon, nor am I even religious, but I came across your blog in my pursuit of knowledge and fascination surrounding religious members of the LGBT community. I must say that I have experienced numerous emotions whilst reading your blog, ranging anywhere from laughter to inspiration to sadness. I must say that some of these points in this particular entry made me teary. I understand that being "different" is hard for anyone, especially someone in a position such as yours. However, I stand by millions of other people who feel that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. I know this statement goes against your teachings, but I am not trying to offend. You seem like a beautiful person with a lot to offer the world and I hope that you continue to embrace who you are despite the hardships you endure.

  11. Dr. O -

    I'm glad that you found (gay) Mormon guy, and that the blog made you laugh. Some posts are definitely more intense, and thought-provoking, than others.

    I agree with your comment - at the core of who I am, there's nothing wrong with me... and faithful Mormons will agree with me - that there are no coincidences in the lives of the righteous, and that all things work together for the good of them that love God and serve Him. God knows who I am... and designed my life perfectly for me - to give me the ability to grow closer to Him and learn the principles I need to become perfected in Christ. That's not an easy thing for most people to say, but it's true. The depression I live with, my talents, blessings, and the struggles I face are all essential parts in shaping me to become a better person.

    But just because there is nothing wrong... doesn't keep me from wanting to be better each day. The beauty of the gospel is how universally it applies - none of us are perfect, so we can each work together to grow closer to the truth, no matter where we are today.

    Thanks for your comment. Welcome to the conversation.

  12. Err what in the world is a "cat-call?"

  13. Ak:

    It's obviously, from your question, a colloquialism. Where I grew up, it was the whistle/ "ow ow!" call that you say (loudly, often with friends) to insinuate that a girl is physically attractive - usually derisive in some manner to girls, however guys intend it.

  14. I am SO HAPPY I came across your blog :) This post made me laugh, SO TRUE!

  15. 20 out of 25... haha it may turn into 21 soon though, i'm getting my patriarchal blessing next week:)


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