You know the feeling when life seems so awful it isn't worth living? When something about your trials makes everything seem totally worthless, no matter what you've accomplished? I've been getting that feeling more often recently - I'll go to the temple, have a great experience, feel amazing, and then, sometimes without anything really important taking place, life will seem terrible. Looking back on it, I'm a bit frustrated that nothing or little things could cause me to obsess in life... or that they would have the ability to suddenly derail an incredible experience. But in the moment there wasn't anything I could do. I read the scriptures, pray, exercise, eat healthily, get enough sleep, take time to meditate, give service, spend time with family and try to make friends... Most of the time I'm incredibly optimistic. But then the world falls apart and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm not trying to lament - I mean, right now I feel fine - only explain what it is that goes through my mind when those times hit.
Historically, times like that - when I felt like nothing in life was worth doing - were quickly filled with anything possible. If I was smart, it was running or working out for hours at a time, practicing music, giving service, cleaning someone else's house until I drop dead from exhaustion. But sometimes I wasn't so bright, and the time wasted away with surfing the net looking up stuff I really wasn't interested in or shouldn't have wanted to see... and went downhill from there.
I've found the best way to deal with those situations is to ensure they never happen. Take time to make massive commitments of my time, be anxiously engaged in a thousand causes, and keep life scheduled to the max. Serving others in some meaningful way is the best that I've found, the only issue is finding people to serve and finding ways to serve the people I already know and love. Some people make it hard to serve them. I'm probably one of those people...
Sometimes I feel like I wish I could live safely without having to make a list of things to do, but that's my life... and it's worth it if it keeps me out of trouble.
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