I wish Santa Claus could bring me a best friend who would completely understand me, a girl I could fall in love with and marry, and the ability to share the message of the gospel with every person living. But while those things have been in my prayers, they're not really on my Christmas list. I'll spare you the temporal nonsense that ubiquitously populates Christmas wishlists - whether I want a toothbrush or an orange in my stocking or something that will be novel at least long enough to break before I'm finished with it... and tell you about what I really want to find, and hopefully have the faith to see happen in my life.
1. Some more guy friends to do guy stuff with.
I have a handful of friends I can talk to when I'm down, and most of the time I can talk to the Lord anyway. But I can't play soccer or volleyball or lift weights or go running with a friend when no one is interested or makes time. I'd just like to find some guys I can chill with throughout the week.
2. Direction in what to do next with (Gay) Mormon Guy.
People are still coming here, and writing helps me to stay strong each day and understand how this trial affects my life. But there are still thousands upon thousands who need to hear the message - many of whom are searching as I was years ago. I want to know what to do next to find them and bring them hope.
3. A better relationship with God and my friends.
I know that many of you have indicated that I should drop any friends who reject or betray me... but I'm not that kind of person. I don't reject people just because they reject me. I don't hate them because they hate me. I'm not stupid or naive - I just love people way too much to ever give up hope on them. It's the same way with God and me, from His perspective... how could I offer anything less to the people I love? I want my friends to realize that I care about, support, forgive, and love them, no matter what they do... and that I would give my life to help them to be happy.
4. Greater faith... To have patience in finding true friends and an eternal mate.
I know that, someday, I'll find someone who shares enough of who I am that we'll 'click'... and our friendship will grow into something amazing. I also know that I'll fall in love with a girl in that category, she'll fall in love with me, and the miracle I've been waiting, hoping, pleading, and praying for will come to pass. Right now, though, I just look at my life... and see very little that foreshadows either promise. Few good friends, fewer of which understand me... and definitely no attraction yet for a girl to be my wife. I just want greater faith to be patient, to do the Lord's will and have faith in His timing and His ways.
5. Help becoming better.
My experience Saturday highlighted the fact that I still have a long way to go before I am perfect in social skills. I still have a long way to go before I'm perfect in much of anything... And I just want some help understanding what I need to do and who I need to be.
I don't know if God will answer my prayers this Christmas, or if He has something better in store (patience or just a different answer). We haven't had that conversation yet. But these are my hopes and dreams - shadows of the greater ones that He's promised will come someday. I guess I'm asking for a lot. We'll see what happens come Christmas.
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
Wednesday, December 22
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A couple of my really close friends have told me that they are struggling with same sex attraction. Your blog helps me know how to be a better friend. Thank you
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your words and amazing strength. I don't know what I would've done without such an amazing testimony about the gospel and your struggles.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas!
You are incredible and I want to be your best friend! Don't worry, I'm having similar trouble to what you're having finding an Eternal Companion. You're not alone in finding that person perfect for you. It's frustrating, but hang in there! You're an inspiration!
ReplyDeleteYou provide insight and inspiration that few can provide, and you do so with clarity and eloquence. Your words surely help others who face same-gender attraction, but keep in mind that they also help us who don't face that challenge. We need to be able to understand homosexuality, particularly when Satan is so skillful at framing the topic in ways to confuse and deceive. Your righteous words are invaluable to us. It's also refreshing to see you experience success in your struggles. I've read others' words as they face the same challenge but fail to keep themselves focused and faithful; it's good to be able to rejoice with you. You may not even be aware of all of the insight you provide. As to what direction you should take, I couldn't tell you, but I would strongly encourage you to keep writing.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel the need to write more frequently, though. I don't think that high frequency or volume of writing is the key. Just keep listening to the Holy Ghost and doing as well as you can. And know that I, for one, am not going to condemn you if you ever feel like you've made a mistake here.
My heart aches for my son. He is smart, funny, handsome...and gay. He doesn't fit in and suffers from depression. I wish a girl who could love him as he is would come into his life. He would make a good companion!
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