Monday, March 7

Being a Christian

Last night at the CES Fireside - a meeting for young adults in the Church, Elder Perry of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles spoke about the importance of helping the world return to the basics of Christianity. The opening and closing songs were "Onward Christian Soldiers" and "Let Us All Press On" - both incredible songs that make my heart race.

As he spoke, I found myself comparing his message to the world I live in. In recent years, the world leaders of Christianity have watched as the world has become more and more permissive, obscene, and dishonest. The laws of broadcast decency have stretched and broken; Christian morals that used to be a basic tenet of society are now called into question on their standing for the public field. Men and women fought on battlefields hundreds of years ago for the right to live their faith - today they fight each other in courtrooms for the right to live without it.

So what can I do? I look at my life - my blog, my family, my colleagues and friends. Except for blog readers, almost everyone I know is Christian. And so the way that I can help them is by sharing the testimony that I have of Christ and His grace in my life. By reminding them of the simple things in life that give us our connection with God. Praying sincerely and honestly. Studying the Holy Scriptures daily. Serving others daily. And turning to God in times of joy and sorrow.

I'm a gay Mormon guy. There are a lot of people who think I'd be happier, better off, and more fulfilled if I were openly gay. But I'm not. And I don't believe what other people tell me. I believe what God tells me and what I can reason with the intellect He has given me. I believe Christ when He promises that He has overcome the world and all the trials I face. As I follow His commandments, He gives me incredible happiness. He gives me peace and hope. It's worth any price. And, someday, when my time on earth is complete, He will make me into a better man than I could ever do alone. By His grace, I will be saved. And that's why I'm a Christian.


  1. You write beautifully. Your thoughts are strong. I can feel your testimony. I thank you for it. I love your strength and attitude! You are a positive light. We all have demons in our lives. I am impressed with how you are choosing to deal with yours. I send you love and much strength to hold to the iron rod!

  2. Thanks so much for sharing your heart. I don't know you but I'm proud to call you a brother in Christ.

  3. "I don't believe what other people tell me. I believe what God tells me"

    I. LOVE. THIS!!!!!! We should all shout it from the rooftops! Because the fact is, God does TALK to us, if we would just LISTEN!

  4. Thank you! You truly are an example. If you can do it I know I "can do hard things. No I'm not gay. I'm a Mormon wife and mother with a different set of issues. In the end doesn't it all come down to trying to be like Christ and follow in his footsteps so we can return to our Heavenly Father!?! Thank you again for this blog.

  5. Hi there,

    I posted several times on C Jane's blog, and I just wanted to make sure that you are able to read my message that I did not mean to imply that your happiness is false, or that you are not as happy as you could be. You have your spiritual happiness that is greater to you than any worldly happiness. I am happy that you are happy. Yay :)

    Rachel in Vancouver

  6. Rachel -

    When you write a blog like this, and live a life like mine, the only way to survive is to assume the best about people. Even if you believed that I was unhappy (as a number of rabid un-posted comments always do), I'd still give you the benefit. Ultimately, my happiness comes from within - not without.

    I knew that writing a guest post for Courtney would incite heated fervor as people misinterpreted each other. Every name call always seems to be someone who doesn't understand the person they're despising. But hopefully the message still got there, even through a very imperfect messenger.

    Thanks for your comment. And welcome to GMG.

  7. I want you to go on Oprah. Your message is so important and yet, so ignored or worse, critisized in the Gay world. I just read your guest post on cjane. People need to know that they have choice. People need to know that we are creating who we are and what our life is. We are not victims of circumstance or victims of our body's cravings. People need to know that there are men like you who feel attracted to other men....But that doesn't mean they must must must be "true to themselves" and act on it if they don't want that life style. God bless you and bless you some more!

  8. You are a true hero!
    Shout it from the roof tops!
    Everybody please spread this true doctrine far and wide.

  9. (Gay) Mormon Guy,
    I stumbled upon your blog through CJane and found it fascinating. I struggle with having control of the body and mind in a different way - self gratification. I have found very similar methods to helping overcome it but mostly came to the realization that in order to truly show my Heavenly Father that I'm obedient and truly a follower of Christ I show this through my abstaining and showing I have power over the flesh as well as mind. This is another form of worship. As well as being involved in every kind of Church activity as I can, not missing my Church services, reading the scriptures, and praying - sometimes continually. Thank you again for your courage to share your story.

  10. I'm a little confused, Gay Mormon Guy. Why aren't there any dissenting opinions in your comment sections? Or at least questions?
    If you truly don't care what people tell you, why do you have a comment section at all? What is this blog's purpose, particularly if you're not "openly gay?"
    I suppose blogs ARE a sounding board, but the message I got was you are communicating with a community about your struggles. How do you know people are listening if they're not talking?

  11. Anonymous:

    I don't think I understand your questions. I get dissenting opinions all the time. Some of them contribute to the discussion and match the feeling here and the very-clearly-outlined expectations above each comment box - they're well-written, kind, don't make obviously anti-Mormon doctrinal claims, and pertain to the topic. All of those comments get posted when I have time to respond to them - and there are hundreds littered throughout the blog. If I get a comment that is particularly fiery, but is also well-written and poses a lot of questions, sometimes I'll actually even make it into a type of question and answer post - you can look in the post index for posts called "Dissenting Opinion."

    The reason why I hold comments to a higher standard than most bloggers (and don't publish every comment - from either side) is because I think that commenting is designed to extend the purpose of the blog. Name-calling, gross misinterpretation, flaming, over-generalization, and the like take away from the feeling of my blog... and this is part of my home. It's an extension to my life and I spend at least some time every day here - so it needs to mirror the feeling of my own life. Also, since I have some readers who deal with suicidal depression, the atmosphere here is very important to me - an atmosphere of faith, hope, realism, optimism, hard work, courage, and love. If people wonder why their comments weren't posted, or want to simply flame me, or tell me about the newest anti-Mormon minister they've met who can solve all my problems, I'm always willing to respond to questions or concerns in personal emails.

    As far as the purpose of (Gay) Mormon Guy, I sort of thought that was at least partially apparent from the title. To share part of my life - how being gay affects me as I live life as a faithful Mormon.

    If you're looking for dissenting opinions, it's not hard to find them. You probably won't find the same type of comments you find everywhere else, though. I try to encourage people to be a little nicer and a little more academic, and they are.

    Thanks for your comment. Welcome to the discussion.

  12. Hi there. I do have a question...

    I have read your more recent entries and some older ones. I read your CJane post. The thing that confuses me is that while you say that true happiness only comes from faith in God (and following the teachings of the Mormon church), you express what seems to be real depression, loneliness and sadness in many of your posts.

    I don't get it. I grew up Mormon. Aren't we taught that following the teachings of Christ leads us all to happiness? Because judging from some of your writing, it also seems a reasonable assumption that your desire to stay close to the church does indeed bring you some sadness, despair and a feeling that no one really knows the "true" you.

    Or, perhaps you have a form of clinical depression that may have very little do to with your SSA issues. If so, I hope you are treating it with more than fasting and prayer.

    In either case, we are meant to have joy in THIS life, too. This life is not meant to be all pain and suffering in anticipation of a huge eternal pay out. So I hope you find your joy, whether it's through your faith, coming out and being true to yourself, or treating what may be a medical problem.

  13. Your blog is really inspirational. You are such a great example- I'm LDS and I grew up in California and this is so relevant. My heart hurts for what you are going through and I hope you continue to be so strong.

  14. Anonymous:

    Until very, very recently, I would have simply claimed that I just live with depression sometimes - and that it's not a big issue - and that it's just part of my life. I'm now realizing that many of the issues I face aren't directly connected to living with SSA - but exacerbate problems that are part of it... I'm a pretty happy Mormon guy in my book. But I do have a lot of trials in life... only one of which is SSA.

    As far as depression goes, I've dealt with it happily without meds for years, and it's gotten way less intense as time has gone on. I've talked with doctors about it and they aren't concerned.


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