Wednesday, March 9

So I Smile

Sometimes when I was little I would have smiling contests with myself. I would grin as hard as I could until the sides of my mouth hurt and I could taste the burn in my cheeks. I'm sure I looked absurd with a massive grin plastered on my face (it was often during Primary at Church), but, as I smiled, I found myself wanting to smile even more - happy for life and all its majesties.

And so it is right now. I look at everything in my life - and from the outside it could be really easy to say that life is hard, or unpredictable, or just not ideal. My social life is in disarray, as is my professional and every other facet of life. And I smile. I wouldn't change anything. I love who I am, the things I've learned, the relationship I have with my God. Life is great. Today was great, tomorrow will be great, and so will every day be great after that.

God loves me. He answers my prayers. And while in the world's eyes I will probably always be a gay Mormon guy, in my eyes, and in His, I am His son.

Men are that they might have joy.

True joy is possible, even when my dreams are on hold, the storm is raging, and the world is turned against me. 

So I smile.


  1. I find great comfort in reading your blog. I think it is your strong faith. Something I am weak in right now.

  2. Thanks to Cjane I have spent the last hour reading posts on your blog. As an aunt of 2 young men who are openly gay, one of which did marry in the Temple and has 2 beautiful daughters and is now divorced and living with another man, I have really never talked to them about their choices. It clearly is a subject that is so hush hush in families and Mormon community. I applaud you for your spirit and love of the gospel. I know God loves you and listens to your prayers and WILL always be there for you and because of your true faithfulness I know you will always find the peace you so deserve. smiles and prayers your way....I look forward to visiting and enjoy sharing in your love of the gospel.

  3. Your last sentence reminded me of a quote i have framed on my wall. I love it because there was a time when the storms were raging in my life, and it's a great reminder of how He often works...
    "Sometimes God calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child."

  4. I aspire to have your optimism. This post has meant a lot to me. Thank you!

  5. You just have been a sweet little boy. You are definitely a wonderful man. I love your thoughts and find them quite thought provoking. Here's to calming the storms in our lives, or at least helping each other through it.


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