Friday, March 4

Seven Truths I've Learned (From Being a Gay Mormon)

1. God really does answer my prayers.

I used to believe that God wasn't really all-powerful. Not in those words, but I didn't fully believe that just turning to Him could really ease the pain in my life. I've realized that sincere prayer often does more to help me feel loved, understood, valued, and inspired than anything else. I can honestly say that God is my friend; hopefully someday I can also say that I am His.

2. Modern prophets and others receive revelation on my behalf

I love sitting in General Conference or another meeting with my notes out in front of me, the questions I've recently pondered written at the top of the page... and then listening as speaker after speaker explains the Lord's will as if He were speaking directly to me. I sometimes wonder if God spends too much time listening and responding to me as one gay Mormon guy... but then I realize that He can and will do the same for everyone. That's pretty cool.

3. The little things make a big difference

People talk about the importance of studying the scriptures daily, having daily prayer, going to Church... but a huge number of people have trouble actually doing the little things. I've realized that holding on to the word of God is important. When I have the world and my inner demons pulling as hard as they can, I have to do everything possible to stay attached to the gospel.

4. I am the ruler of my destiny

A whole lot of people may say that I am born the way I am and that I can't change. But not being able to change doesn't determine my destiny. Blind men have won Olympic medals. Deaf men have written symphonies. And gay men have fallen madly in love with a woman, married, had children, and lived happily ever after. It takes a whole lot of work. More work than most people think is possible or reasonable. But, with God, all good things are possible. With Him, I can do anything. I'm the ruler of my destiny.

5. I can affect the world

Sometimes I look at the things I do in life - work, free time, social life - and muse about their impact on the world. Honestly, most of what I do doesn't have a huge effect. But when I find a way to lift someone - to inspire them, or to light their eyes with truth, then I realize deep inside that I can affect the world in a meaningful way.

6. Everything works together for the good of them that love and serve God

There have been times when I wanted to die. Literally. But when I turned to God and explained my pain, He always took it away and gave me the injunction to serve others. And as I found ways to serve them, I felt hope. Today I look back on my life, with being Mormon and gay, and can see the hand of God in everything. There are things I've learned from this that I couldn't learn any other way. And, as long as I'm faithful to the end, it will all work out.

7. Life is good

Happiness is partially a choice. I can think optimistically, see the good in the world and others, and try to be up all the time. But happiness is also a gift from God - like it explains at the end of Mosiah 2. "Keep[ing] the commandments of God" is the key to being happy. As long as I'm doing that, nothing else matters.

As an afterthought, I am still sort of uncomfortable calling myself a gay Mormon. If you search for gay Mormons on Google you normally get a lot of people who don't fully believe what the Church teaches - they aren't fully believing Mormons. And the word gay is sometimes used to describe someone who engages in homosexual activities and sometimes used to describe same-sex attraction. In both cases I usually try to be more articulate in my word choice. But my choice has backfired, as I got a message from Google that my blog's main keyword was "Christmas." Hence the rebranding effort.


  1. This is a wonderful post, filled with such hope for those who have similar struggles. It also helps those, like myself, better understand our gay brothers and sisters.


  2. I love this post. You touch on all the things I have found to be true, as a fellow member of the Church. You've pointed out some of the most beautiful, peace-giving qualities that everyone can experience and find for themselves. We all have trials we have to go through, and these seven things make life about enjoying, not just enduring. Thanks again for sharing.

  3. I really just think you're the best. Thank you for all of your insight and your testimony. It's nice to be reminded that everyone struggles and the best place to turn is to the Lord. You are awesome.

  4. Thank you for sharing your testimony and views about same-sex attraction and the church. While I do not struggle with that same trail, I do have my own temptations. I love food. LOVE. And the smell of coffee is like ecstasy. I remember being at a work party for my husband and being served what appeared to be a chocolate cake. Upon biting into it the taste of coffee flooded my tongue. I tried not to be embarrassed as I discretely spit the bite out into a napkin. I remembered how the taste lingered and how tempting the rest of the piece was. But I pushed it away and averted my gaze.

    It's a silly example, but I know so many people who face temptations and try to change the doctrine of the church to allow for their sin. But the church cannot be reformed like a bad government because we (the people) are not in charge. God is. And if He says not to act on same-sex attraction and you can obey, then I can keep saying no to coffee. I didn't make the rules, and I don't understand all of them, but I will follow them because I know when I do I feel peace.

    Thanks again for sharing your beautiful writings and perspective.

  5. I appreciate your thoughts on #4. To say that you can't change discounts the power of the atonement. Yes, it's hard and yes it will take work, but will it be worth it? You bet.

    Change in everybody's life is available through our savior because of the love of our Heavenly Father. Thank you.

  6. Wow. I think SSA may be the most difficult challenge a person could face. Reading your blog has literally made me tear up with admiration for your strength and for the love available to each of us from our Father in Heaven and our Savior.

    I know you don't write this blog to be admired, but I am humbled by your obedience and perseverance. Too many people define themselves by their sexual orientation when they should, like you, define themselves as children of God who happen to have a particularly hard burder to bear. Bless you for your strength and for being a voice for those who suffer and struggle in private.

  7. I used to think that this was the hardest trial someone could face, too. And once I started actually feeling like I was understanding this one, appreciated it, loved myself, and was learning the lessons I needed, the Lord made it very clear that there are much more trying circumstances... some of which are now mine. It's like a computer-adapted test. Answer the hard questions, and you are rewarded with... Harder questions! Isn't life amazing?

  8. I really enjoy that last quote about a computer-adapted test. So true! Trials and challenges just make us stronger so we can handle more. Sometimes though, I wish I could just stay weak and have it easy, even for just a little while.

  9. Thank you for all your insights. It is nice to know that there are people dealing with this, fighting each day and staying true to the church. It is not the easy way. Thank you for your example.

  10. "When I have the world and my inner demons pulling as hard as they can, I have to do everything possible to stay attached to the gospel."

    You are so right! And, I have to say that it really is such a comfort to know that other(s) have inner demons too. Thanks for being brave enough to share personal struggles and lessons learned, even though it's anonymous.

  11. I was intrigued by your comment about "rebranding". I usually get really cynical about this because usually it means that a company is trying hid bad business practices behind an new logo/company name. Or it means that an old company was bought out by a new one.

    But branding means much more than your public face. It also means what you represent. What are you really about? Sometimes we have to take stock in ourselves and ask what our brand really is. Then we need to SEO for the results of that new assessment! :-)

  12. Mark -

    I agree. Sometimes re-branding seems like a coverup when a company decides to substitute inferior ingredients in their recipes, or drop their customer service, or lay off all their employees and hire them as "independent contractors" so they don't have to pay taxes or benefits.

    In this case, it was just defining the brand I hadn't ever really defined. The blog's name has always been (Gay) Mormon Guy. I've always winced internally every single time I write the word gay on my blog. I don't like categorizing myself. Ironically. But it's been by far the best tool to find people and share a message of hope and faith... and so I go with it.


Comment Rules:

(G)MG is how I write to you. Commenting is one way to write to me.

If you want your comment published: No swearing, graphic content, name-calling of any kind, or outbound links to anything but official Church sites.

In addition, comments must be 100% relevant, funny, uplifting, helpful, friendly... well-written, concise, and true. Disparaging comments often don't meet those standards. Comments on (G)MG are personal notes to me, not part of a comment war. You are not entitled to have your ideas hosted on my personal blog. There are a zillion places for that, and only one (G)MG.

And I'd suggest writing your comment in Word and pasting it. That way Blogger won't eat it if it's over the word limit.