So my heart doesn't skip a beat when I see them. My throat doesn't go dry when I try to speak, and when we touch I don't feel butterflies. But there are definitely things that I love to see in women... and that hopefully will continue to develop as I make friends and try to become a better person. Here are a few of them. These probably used to be on the "ideal wife" list before I scrapped it.
1. Strong body. I love being able to run alongside someone and not have to stop... or to work together doing heavy lifting or manual labor. It doesn't have to be bodybuilder strength - just the ability to do anything she will need to do, and to work alongside me.
2. Strong mind. I'm intense. I love women who counter my intensity with their own and who can think about every subject under the sun - who make me think about life and all its majesties.
3. Strong will. I love women who have their own thoughts and opinions on life, and who are assertive - who aren't afraid to share them. ("How about a girl who's got a brain and always speaks her mind?")
4. Strong Spirit. I love women who have developed a depth of character by following the Spirit in their lives. They listen to God, have a personal relationship with Him, and integrate the gospel into every aspect of their lives. And, with their faith in God, nothing is impossible.
5. Love for others. This is not tolerance or acceptance of others. To me, those are low-tier feelings, when love is definitely a dozen tiers higher. I appreciate women who see people as they are and who they can become - and do everything in their power to help them come closer to Christ... including me.
6+. I love women who make me laugh, make me cry, inspire me to be a better man... women who love to lose themselves in my presence and who can command the attention of a crowded room... women who love children and everything in life, who are incredibly optimistic (because of faith - not naïveté), and who are anxious to give everything in their lives to bless the lives of others and to build the Kingdom of God.
There are a lot of things that I value in women - probably because I value many of them in my own life. I may not be able to answer the blond or brunette questions, or even tell you what color eyes I like best... but as far as spiritually, mentally, and socially... I feel like I'm able to understand the types of women I might be compatible with. I think. At least that's my thought right now; if God indicates a different direction I'll definitely follow it.
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
Saturday, March 12
13 comments:
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I agree with your list of things that you appreciate about women. Surely anyone can appreciate another with or without attraction. It seems reasonable that attraction might even blind us or divert us from what there is to appreciate (and there is always much to appreciate in a woman). Rather than focusing on the yearning feelings inside that we call attraction, taking them for granite, maybe we should focus on the appreciation and build our relationships to make us indispensable to each other rather than the physical. Yearning and appreciating are vastly different. I have thought they were both needed in a marital relationship but reading your blog makes me wonder, maybe appreciation is the greater and indispensable one of those two. If they both exist (ideally) maybe the struggle is to make them complementary rather than competitive as happens in many relationships. Much to consider. Thanks for opening my mind to some intriguing thoughts.
ReplyDeleteAren't those the very same values that our priesthood leaders advise us to look for in a mate? I think so.
ReplyDeleteJust found your blog today and wanted to thank you. My husband and I are both Mormon and from a theater background. We have many gay religious friends. Thank you for being brave and speaking from your heart. I know your blogging is very important and will be a blessing to many.
ReplyDeleteYou are going to make some girl very happy someday! Especially when she realizes that you love her for who she IS and not what she looks like.
ReplyDeleteUm, THANK YOU. You kind of, sort of, really made my week a lot better with this post...just so ya know.
ReplyDeleteI love the Mulon reference and I LOVE you.
ReplyDeleteThis blog is A.MAZ.ING.
Thank you.
I think you've nailed it. I don't know a woman alive who wouldn't want to be appreciated for all the things you listed. Strong marriages are rooted in partnership. If you've only been desired for being pretty, I imagine you'd feel a bit desperate when prettiness starts to fade, whereas your intelligence and character traits can constantly be honed, improved, and refined. You're on the right track.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful!!! I needed to hear that men still appreciate these things in women. Thank you for your inspirational blog.
ReplyDeleteSimply wish to say your article is as surprising. The clarity in your post is just excellent and i could assume you are an expert on this subject. Well with your permission allow me to grab your feed to keep up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please continue the enjoyable work.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to see that there are men who still appreciate traits I've been warned will "scare away potential suitors". The Mulan quote especially made me smile :)
ReplyDeleteWhat you're looking for is... A mixture of Elizabeth and Jane Bennet actually. Kind and loving, but fierce and bold, at the same time.
I hope you find her, because she'll be a fearsome, amazing, woman to behold.
OK, GMG, Your title didn't really fit your blog. I thought you were going to talk about how much you admire us women, even if we aren't perfect. You still list the qualities of the ideal wife, in fact, your list would make an ideal person regardless of gender. It’s a great list for anyone to aspire to. Of course, no one is perfect, aside from the Savior Himself, and his mother.
ReplyDeleteI'm really impressed with this list. I haven't ever read your blog before today, but it's definitely interesting.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog today and really liked this post.
ReplyDeleteYou are a very strong person, Keep doing what you are doing to overcome these trials, satan works very hard to destroy each of us, He wants us to take the easy way and give up because he wants us.
He works hard on everyone being Marriage, financial, emotional, illness, same sex attraction, and etc.
I can feel the spirit when i read your blog because i can see how faith you have in overcoming this and i can see you over coming it with the gospel being in your life.
I can see you becoming a great husband to your future wife and a wonderful dad someday, A dad that your children will admire and want to be like you someday. I know you will find the love of your life someday and your right, you don't want to just marry someone just because.
You will know when you are ready and in love when you pray to heavenly father and when you feel that spirit telling you.
I am proud of you for working really hard in overcoming this trial, especially having GOD on your side.
With GOD and the atonement you can overcome anything.
Much love
♥