Someday.
I've been promised that a lot of things will happen someday. Fall in love with my future wife, marry her in the temple, have a great marriage and raise righteous, happy children. Affect the world in my chosen field. Be strong in the Church and grow righteous enough so that, like Captain Moroni, I'll be entirely free of the influence of Satan in my life. Someday.
My parents instilled in me a deep sense of industry, though - and so my waiting is a little more intense than the norm. I can't sit in a hospital waiting room and leaf idly through magazines, or sit idly outside the bishop's office for an interview. I guess the issue is that I have trouble just waiting - and so while I wait, I work on something else. If I'm expecting a phone call, I take my phone with me outside to run, or to the gym. I take girls out who I think would enjoy it for low-stakes, fun dates while I'm trying to figure out who to really ask. And while I wait on the Lord to help me understand His will for me, I write my innermost thoughts and broadcast them to the world as (Gay) Mormon Guy.
I used to simply ask for the blessings I knew I needed. Now, when I turn to the Lord, I find myself asking Him to prepare me for blessings, and help me find opportunities to serve, as much as I ask for the blessings themselves. While single, I've met people all over the world and had the opportunity to be a part of their lives - something that I may not have been as quick to do while married with children. (I definitely would have never started this blog, either) And, as I've waited, and worked, and prayed, I've seen changes in my own life - imperfections slowly buffed away and character developed into who I someday want to be.
In the end, the hopes I have for someday are widely different than the hopes that God has for me. I want to fall in love, be married, and grow with my family in righteousness. God wants me to be the best father and husband I can - and so He is teaching me now, with opportunities only available while I'm single. I want to shout the joy of the truth from the rooftops; He wants me to better understand the people, the message, and how to compose my words to be applicable - so that I'm not just shouting. I want to return to live with Him someday; He wants me to become more like Him today.
I'll keep waiting. I know that He will fulfill His promises to me - He's God. When He makes a promise, He always keeps it. But getting to someday probably requires effort on my part, and so I keep moving, working, praying... while I'm waiting for someday to come.
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
Thursday, March 10
15 comments:
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Thank you. I'll be thinking about this all day. I think in one way or another we are all waiting for "someday."
ReplyDeleteI just recently started reading your blog. It inspires me. I especially enjoyed your post today. I admire that as you wait for someday you prepare and better yourself. As you find it hard just "waiting", you work hard. What if it's the opposite? What if someone is deep in the depths of depression, laziness, self doubt. You can't help motivate them to make their time productive. They don't have the faith or energy to make themselves strong to be ready for their promised blessings. It breaks my heart and is so frustrating. They sometimes seem to fragile to even hear the truth about their idolness.
ReplyDeleteAny words of wisdom?
I found this blog thanks to my friend C. Jane. Thank you so much for being willing to express your thoughts and feelings in a wonderful and uplifting way. I have many friends that are homosexual, practicing and non-practicing. I love them all so much and know that they are just trying to live life like everyone else. You are truly and inspiration to everyone who is willing to open their mind a little and look at the world in a different light.
ReplyDeleteYou will be blessed for your efforts and your someday will come. We don't know why we have the certain trials we do in this life, but our Heavenly Father knows, and so our decisions are between us and him. I am so thrilled that I found your blog. Please keep writing and know that you are loved and appreciated for who you are.
Love,
A total stranger named Holly
Anonymous:
ReplyDeleteDepression, laziness, and self-doubt are three very different things... and have very different routes upward.
Laziness, which is honestly just convincing yourself that short-term rewards are better than long-term, requires catching a new vision of what you want to do in life, and clearly seeing how your current actions do or don't help you in your progression.
Self-doubt comes from a lack of self-esteem, which sometimes seems like it comes from the outside, but in reality comes from valuing yourself and the gifts that God has given you. I fight self-doubt by going to God in prayer and learning His will for me.
And depression... Depression, if it's real, takes a bit more work and a lot more help from God. I try to find things I want to do... Or make myself want to do them... Or have spiritual experiences... Or something. For me, depression lessens slightly when I can get out of myself and be around other people. But I've realized that depression and getting out is different for different people.
In the end, one of the best ways to help others is to bring them unto Christ. Whatever He touches, is healed. So find ways to inspire yourself and others to come closer to Him and grow in faith... and He will take care of the rest.
And as far as denouncing idleness, I'd much rather someone help me be productive than tell me I am deep in a pit. At least in my case, I probably already know that. In some cases, it's important to denounce sin. In many, the Lord asks us to focus on helping others rise.
Man, I can just hear all my gay friends now telling you that you aren't being true to yourself.
ReplyDeleteI want you to know that I think you are absolutely amazing and that you are being true to YOUR spirit and that is exactly why were are here on earth: to let our spirits rule over our bodies.
You inspire me.
I am going to link to you someday soon.
I'm very grateful for your blog. I know that it has changed and will continue to change the lives of thousands. You are an example to all who see you. God bless you for your unique calling in life. You will be an instrument in bringing others to a knowledge of the truth. Thanks for your courage and oppenness with your posts. God does fulfill His promises! What a great hope and sense of peace that brings.
ReplyDeleteI think that you are already fulfilling a very important calling. You may not realize it but just your writing has touch a lot of lives already. This...what you are doing...is part of your calling. Keep it going....your on an amazing journey right now...
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog through c. Jane and I am utterly amazed, inspired and in awe of your spiritual strength and faith in God. You are a beacon of light in a dark world where this subject is so controversial and persuasive. Thank for being strong enough to show us this is a burden, but it's possible, as well as enlighten members of this different tactic Satan uses to confuse the world. I don't know you but I look up to you and admire you. You make me want to be a better person in my silly small life. I may link back to you soon as well. Thank you. Keep enduring! You are one of the strong ones!
ReplyDeleteI also have come here through C.Jane's blog. I have some questions...isn't it possible that God wants you to be single and childless?
ReplyDeleteIn the Mormon religion is the belief that God wants every man and women to marry and have children? What place is there for the single, gay or straight, and the childless?
Wow! Thank you for sharing. My former stepson is gay and returning to church with me and your blog is so helpful in knowing how to talk to him about sensitive issues. You truly inspire me!
ReplyDeleteTexas:
ReplyDeleteThere is plenty of room in the Church for those who are single and/or childless. Some of my best friends will never be married in this life; others will never have children. Some single members become incredibly visible in the Church - like Sheri Dew, who served as the General Relief Society President and then President of Deseret Book Corporation. The Church is based around the unit of the family, with the ideal family unit being a father, mother, and children, but families can also be individuals, single parents with children, grandparents who care for grandchildren, or siblings who band together as they leave the nest. The beauty of the gospel is that the Lord promises that everyone who is righteous in this life will have all the same blessings as everyone else in eternity - love, a family, children, and everything else that may make us temporarily unequal here.
As far as it relates to my own personal life, and God's will for me: Over the years I've learned to pray sincerely and to listen to the answers I receive. I used to think that life would be miserable if I couldn't be happily married with a family, but as time went on I realized that, with God, everything will work out for the best as long as I keep His commandments. I could be happy without a family, single for the rest of my life, and if I stayed faithful, I would have that blessing in the life to come.
But in my personal prayers, many times, the Lord has made it clear that I'm not going to be single for the rest of my life. He encourages me to date, to be involved in the stressful social scene, and promises me that, someday, I will fall in love with a girl, we will be married, and raise a righteous family. I know that's true because I've asked God for confirmation... and because with time I've learned to understand His voice. I know it will happen, the same way each of us can know the truth as God speaks to our hearts through the Holy Ghost. I don't know the timing, or how it will happen. Even so, I still press forward - with faith that everything will work out in the end.
In the Church we look toward the ideal and teach the ideal so that we all have a goal towards which to work, and because, while the ideal may not be common today, it is possible... and because someday, after this life, it will be a part of our lives. Christ said in the scriptures, "Be ye therefore perfect," and while we're all a long ways off, perfection is the goal He gave us. We'll all have the chance to live in loving, full families; we'll have perfect minds and bodies, and we will be cleansed from our sins and perfected in Him... Someday.
Thanks for your comment. Welcome to the conversation.
Hi Mormon Guy. I found you at CJane. THANK YOU. It is so nice to hear someone have positive, uplifting, Christ-centered things to say about the issue. @Alice is right. I could hear those people saying the same things. They're wrong though. You are being true to your true self. Stay the course, be strong, and hold fast. This was my favorite blogpost today. :D
ReplyDeleteElder Mahrt:
ReplyDeleteIt still throws me for a loop when I realize that full-time missionaries are reading and commenting on GMG... and it's been happening since October. Thanks for your comment and keep up the good work!
I just found your blog and I love it. Thank you for sharing these thoughts with the world, as hard as I'm sure it must be at times. You are an example to me. I love this post. I think everyone struggles with spending too much time just waiting around for the next thing. I know I do! And I am married with kids. I need to focus more on who I am becoming. Thank you for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteI just read a follow-up comment you wrote on the cjane post (about how to discuss issues like this). I love reading how you write. It is so blessedly kind and reasoned. And helpful. Thank you.
ReplyDelete