Friday, September 17

Music in the Night

Some days I feel like the Phantom in Phantom of the Opera. Alone. Isolated. Outcast. And I owe my life, in many ways, to music. When I struggled with depression through high school, music was one of the few things that could truly brighten my day. In the midst of feeling so alone that I wanted to die, I could forget everything and be one with a melody. Sometimes I sang. Sometimes I danced. And sometimes I just listened, sprawled out on my bed, tears running down my face.

In recent years, I’ve learned that music has another saving power. I used to think that simply thinking of music – reciting the words or humming the tune – would be enough to avoid any temptations. Boy, was I wrong. Somehow, my mind developed the ability to multitask, and I soon found that humming one hymn wasn’t enough. But I really believed in it, so I tried to make adjustments. I tried humming one melody and thinking another, or reciting the words of two hymns while trying to imagine orchestral arrangements for a third. And sometimes it worked. The sheer complexity of the task I expected my mind to conquer forced the bad thoughts out. But, in many cases, the positive effects only lasted as long as I kept up the multiple lines of thought. Drop one, and the door is open.

And then I realized the power that music – not just a melody or good lyrics – can effect in my life. I was having a rough day and someone invited me to go to a choir practice. I probably wouldn’t perform with the choir, but I knew that staying at home was asking for trouble. So I went. And it was amazing. As we sang, the music all around us, I forgot about everything that had filled my mind. I felt peace… and the feeling lasted the rest of the night.

Since then, I’ve tried to actually listen to and participate in music, instead of just humming a melody or thinking through lyrics. There’s something about pumping uplifting music through my speakers while I drive or listening to a great radio station as I’m typing on my computer. When I’m struggling most, it has the power to help me make it through the night.

5 comments:

  1. New here. I totally get you. I look forward to reading more. Hugs!

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  2. KyAnn: I'm glad you found your way here, and that you'll come back to read more. Thanks for joining the conversation. Welcome to (Gay) Mormon Guy.

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  3. Music is wonderful, isnt it? Music in combination with the gospel of Jesus Christ can change a persons life. They changed mine. Now, the girl who wanted nothing to do with band in high school (guilty as charged) is going into a Music Therapy degree next fall in college.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this. It was really insightful.

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  4. Tuba.Girl: Music is wonderful. And, in combination with the right gospel principles, it can change the world... one tuba player, blogger, or normal, everyday person at a time.

    Congrats on finding a potential major / direction in life. Thanks for your comment. And welcome.

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  5. Speaking as a music therapist, and one whose husband (who has clinical depression) often finds relief in listening to uplifting music, I heartily concur with your comments. And I prescribe a drum circle for you! There are enough music therapists in Utah that it shouldn't be too hard to find one.

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