So I've decided. I'm not going to stress about falling in love with guys and I'm not going to stress about not falling in love with girls. I'm going to live my life, enjoy it, learn to love and support people, and let the Lord fulfill His promises according to His timetable.
I've found myself thinking about a guy, constantly, over the last few weeks, and I realized that I had a decision to make. Completely avoid him and cut off all starts of a lasting friendship for fear that I would put myself or him in jeopardy, stay friends and worry about what to do and what not to do, or just enjoy life, keep the commandments, and make a new friend. So I'm not worrying about it anymore. If he thinks I'm strange, then he's probably right. I hold too much of myself back in relationships because I'm afraid of hurting people Ns afraid of being hurt. I think I'm just going to move forward and follow the guidance God gives me. If I make a friend, then I'll make a friend. If not, that's ok, too.
The bigger decision is to not stress about the timing of falling in love with a girl. I believe that it will happen since my Patriarchal blessing promises it. But recently I've been waiting on the Lord, constantly wondering when it will happen... when He seems much more interested in the other aspects of my life. In many cases, the Lord has given me the ability to make my own miracles. In this case, I am waiting on Him, and I think He is using the experience as an opportunity to teach me patience.
So that's my decision. Don't worry about falling in love, at all. Follow the guidance of the Spirit, love people freely, keep the commandments, and have faith that God will fulfill His promises, everything will work out in the end, and, if I've made the right choices, I'll live happily forever after. Yeah. I'm definitely a romantic.
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
Sunday, November 28
Hopeless Romantic
Labels:
Dating,
Faith,
Good Habits,
Happiness,
Optimism,
patience,
Peace,
Perspective,
Prayer
11 comments:
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If this were facebook, I would definitely push the "like" button. Just sayin.
ReplyDeleteAnd. For the general public. Romantics of the world, UNITE!
Keep going brother.
Tuba Girl
ReplyDeleteThere is a "post to Facebook profile" button, but I don't have the time to keep up a Facebook page with a feed of my posts. I think that nothingwavering keeps a feed, as do maybe a few other Facebook pages...
Thanks for commenting, either way.
As a single sister, this is the same conclusion I came to about the time I turned 26. I decided to live my life, meet new people, and if I fell in love and had a family great. But if not, then I would enjoy the life that I was given instead of pining away at the life I wish I had been given. It was actually quite freeing and I really felt like this self-imposed pressure was lifted from my shoulders.
ReplyDeleteI was re-reading Elder Uchtdorf's talk from conference - "Of Thing That Matter Most." He says, "Some people ... criticize and belittle themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves. ... Learn to see yourself as Heavenly Father sees you - as His precious daughter or son with divine potential." (page 22). It is always good to be reminded that no matter our circumstances, we are loved by God for who we are, not our marital status, race, sexual orientation, class, or gender. (Or whatever other boxes we put ourselves in.)
You sound more like a hopeful romantic than a hopeless one! And with that hope, and God, anything is possible. *B
ReplyDeleteIt was when I finally took on this attitude that my husband landed in my life. You'll be there too...I have been reading your blog with intrigue for a little while now. I am grateful to read what you have to say as it has been helping me to have increased compassion for those with not just SSA but all types of struggles. Thank you for your effort and honesty..
ReplyDeleteIt always happens when we least expect it; when we throw our hands up and think it's never going to happen.
ReplyDeleteYou definitley are a romantic. I couldn't agree more with tuba.girl wit you having a like botton on facebook. I deleted my facebook so that would not even matter but i really appreciate your blog. Just during the week of thanksgiving I got into this big arrgument with my girlfriend. It broked my heart. But what i do know is god still lives and he loves each and everyone of us. Thanks again.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a great person! I know you probably hear that all the time. I just adore reading about your personal conflicts and triumphs. Don't give up on yourself. You are so inspiring and very strong. Keep up the good work. If not for youself or for God, do it for me and everyone else who struggles with the everyday life.
ReplyDeleteHello! Ever since your post on your "Frustrations with Girls", I've been wondering something: you seem to be very focused on "sparks" in a relationship, of passing some threshold beyond which ... things work out.
ReplyDeleteI'm just wondering if you could explain what you're looking for, exactly, in a relationship with a girl. I'd also like to hear your thoughts on the validity of such qualifications, and the reasons why you are looking for those things in particular. Is there evidence from General Authorities or scripture that indicate that "sparks" on a date are the sign the start of a celestial relationship? Or is it a culturally constructed idea? If so, why adhere to what may be unreasonable expectations.
Unreasonable expectations are often the cause of disappointment and error. I know how it can be. If it's the expectations that are an issue, changing them to be aligned with eternal truth instead of ephemeral culture or caprice had cause a personal paradigm shift. I remember one article in particular from an Ensign (I don't remember the title, though) in which it was one man's expectations for a relationship that kept him unmarried until he was nearly forty years old and his bishop pointed out where he was equivocating. I feel like that may be the case with you (if my questions didn't make it obvious at first), and would just like to see if my suspicions were correct.
Anonymous:
ReplyDeleteI'd say that sparks begin by not feeling extremely uncomfortable even touching a girl. It comes by wanting to hold her hand, instead of keeping mine firmly in my pockets so she won't touch me... and not dreading the moment that is often the precursor to a goodnight hug that I really don't want to give. I don't think it's really fair to me or my future wife to expect our relationship to be totally platonic, and, unlike guys who don't face this problem, I don't find women attractive. I never have... and so I just want what my patriarchal blessing says wil eventually come - that both she and I will fall in love. I've fallen in love with guys before, so I think I know the feeling I'm looking for. And it will happen, someday.
Thanks for your comment.
We (learn to) love those we serve and we (learn to) serve those we love. I see a beautiful spirit inside of you. Choose what/whom you want to love then serve him/her/it honestly. The feeling will come.
ReplyDelete