I've tried not to think about this blog for the past few days. I didn't read emails or check comments or draft posts in my head as I went through each day. I just wanted to better understand why I'm writing here - what keeps me here when I feel like, maybe, I would be better off disappearing and never coming back... and if (Gay) Mormon Guy became a short blip in the history of the blogging world.
Part of it is for me. Getting emails from all over the world giving or asking advice helps me feel connected with the world... and helps me feel like I'm making a difference. Having to be honest here and share my deepest feelings keeps me out of trouble, too - I feel like I've had more strength to resist temptation because I don't ever want it to impact my ability to write and be honest here.
But I was sitting in Church today and one of the speakers talked about men who had experienced a change in their hearts... And thereafter became missionaries who never fell away. But that wasn't the part that hit me - it was when he spoke of Alma, after all his missions, returning home... and finding it impossible to not go out and preach the gospel. Or Nephi and Lehi, who leave government positions for the opportunity to preach to the Lamanites. Or the sons of Mosiah. Or Paul. Each of these men felt the changing grace of the Atonement of Christ, saw the blessings of living the gospel, and spent the rest of his life sharing the news with the world.
As I was sitting there, the Lord helped me realize that, at least in part, I'm somewhat like those men. I'm definitely not a prophet or a leader, but I've seen the blessings that the gospel has brought in my life. I know that the gospel blesses individuals and families, and that following its principles will bring eternal happiness... and I'll spend the rest of my life sharing that message.
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
Sunday, November 21
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That can seem like such a crazy daunting task, but when one is truly converted it's impossible not to want to share such a wonderful thing! Just remember that it can be done with even the simplest things, like living your life righteously ;)
ReplyDeleteI'd rather you didn't stop the blog. 1. You mentioned it helps you. 2. Be it one person out there (me), you are helping others.
ReplyDeleteYour posts are something people look forward to reading because it does help. It helps me, the reader, and you, the writer. That's good and only the good comes from God (Moroni 7:13). Your words are inspirational. Thank you.
I really like this post, and it sounds like you have a great heart. There's no easy answer for feeling alone or lost, but whether you continue the blog or not, you have definitely touched people's lives for the better.
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your posts(starting at the top) and am so deeply touched.
ReplyDeleteI suppose you have heard the claim that we only use 10% of our brain power. Well, I also think we only utilize a small percentage of the power that comes through the atonement of Jesus Christ. I think as we put forth the effort and learn to take advantage of that power, we will be amazed at His divine strength that will buoy us up through anything! You are well on your way! God bless you.