Since my mission, I've always loathed Fridays.
Part of it is probably looking at everyone else, with girlfriends and boyfriends... Or even big groups of friends to hang out with. The internal perfectionist in me won't let me think of doing anything but a date, which means that when I don't have a date there is nothing planned... which is not a good thing.
But sitting at home wishing that I had a date isn't really productive. In fact, it's probably more likely to end up going downhill. So I've realized that I should probably have some type of backup plan. And while I'm not condoning skipping "Friday date night" on a regular basis, I definitely find peace in finding a soccer game at the indoor gym (there are pickup soccer games at UVU at one of their indoor gyms almost every night), going to the temple (last session begins at 8), or just spending time out in the world without a date. I've learned to turn to something better as time has gone on... and many of my current skills find their birthplace in Friday nights when I wondered if I would ever do anything worthwhile.
I don't hate Fridays anymore. Well, not as much. Yeah, I wish I were in love and had a date I could spend the time with tonight. But I don't. But anything beats being here and potentially putting my eternal salvation at risk. Hopefully I'll find a date for next week. And while I'm working on it, tonight I'll get out of my room, go into the world, and do something good.
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
Friday, November 12
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Wait, people go on dates on Friday nights? Hahaha, NOT where I'm at, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteI was glad to get on here and see your post. Glad I'm not the only dateless Friday night person. :)
Keep your chin up, brother.
I love your blog, and am do incredibly impressed with you as a person. You're testimony is amazing. My brother and father are both gay (the one abused the other). My brother went on a mission, but fell away from the Church shortly after. For quite a few years he still believed the gospel was 95% true (I know, he was lost), now he doesn't know what he believes. My husband passed away this past Spring, and I think it was especially hard for my brother because he doesn't have that testimony that comforts him and let's him know my husband is happy and well, and our temple covenants will bind us together forever. I should also tell you that other than my husband, my brother is my best friend. I guess what I'm trying to get across is that no one in my family loves him any less for the choices he's made, we're sad he's made them, but we all still adore him. He's a huge favorite. I've never known anyone that's met him who hasn't liked him immediately. I wish he had worked as hard as you are to stay strong, but I know the Lord loves him, and is pleased with all the good he does. My husband and I both have always considered him part of our immediate family. Our kids are thrilled when he's able to come stay with us, for holidays or just a visit. They all know now that he is gay, but it doesn't matter to them. They value and respect him for the person he is, not the lifestyle he's chosen. I just hate to see him lonely. Sorry to ramble at you. I did want to ask a question. I'm wondering if you've ever felt that there are spirits waiting to be born to you? Have you ever felt that you will marry in this life and raise a family? You may have answered this is a post I haven't read yet, if so, whoops! I wish you lived in my ward. I'd be thrilled to have you spend time with my kids. SSA does not mean you're attracted to children. It's really sad that people tend to assume that. I'm really sorry some do that. Keep holding to the Spirit. Oh, and if you haven't read "Life Everlasting" by Duane Crowther, you might really like. Especially the part that talks about choosing our trials in the pre-existence! I know that I was too confident in the trials I thought I could handle!! :)
ReplyDeleteWay to go. Seriously, I'm impressed by your ability to turn it around and enjoy friday nights. Especially by doing such wonderful things (like the temple. :)
ReplyDeleteThere is a lot of pressure for guys to have a date every week, and I think that leads to one of two situations:
ReplyDelete1) Guys feel guilty doing anything but going on a date on Friday night and so take a girl out every week. It's often someone they don't know very well, which isn't super productive. Girls don't help because we often don't take a date seriously if we don't know the guy very well.
2) Guys are overwhelmed by the pressure, or don't care, or think the talks about it don't apply to them, and don't ever take girls out, but simply hang out until "something happens." Girls go right along with this.
Here's my ideal, for both guys and girls: you spend a lot time with both girls and guys as friends. When you notice a (girl/guy) you think you'd get along with, you (ask her out/flirt and try to get him to ask you out). You look for these people and try hard to go on dates every week or two, but if you can't make that happen, you don't get discouraged, and you go out and do something fun with friends on that night when you don't have a date. Sounds like you've got it down!
I thoroughly enjoy your posts. Unfortunately, I don't comment every time, but really, I do read and love them every day that you write : )
ReplyDeleteFrom this post, I had one question, stemming from the sentence you wrote: "The internal perfectionist in me won't let me think of doing anything but a date, which means that when I don't have a date there is nothing planned." That is the one sentence that was kind of jarring for me. Is that really how the perfectionist side of you views Friday nights? Friday nights are not synonymous with Date nights... And dates aren't the only reason for weekends. Mormon culture sometimes develops these equations, these interpretations or definitions, and I think it can be detrimental as we attempt to progress and create or let go of expectations... I'm rambling... Anyways...
I think any perspective on life from any faithful member of the Church is good. We all have different trials that allow us to reach our potential as Spirit children of our Heavenly Father. I think that, when appropriate, these can be shared with the world. It's like sharing our testimonies in detail without driving the rest of the congregation insane or taking up half of Sacrament Meeting ;)
ReplyDeleteI think it's good that you're praying about it and even thinking about seeking counsel from your Priesthood leaders. Personally, I am grateful for what you are doing. My dad is a branch president and I felt prompted to share your blog with him. Perhaps he can use your experiences to counsel someone else?
You don't have to detail your life as being gay AND Mormon. I think that just showing the world that you have a trial, like we all do, and are still able to remain faithful is plenty. For instance, I loved your post on the definition of love and it still rings in my ears. I personally think that those are things that you have been able to understand and express because of your experiences. I don't know if you recall my comment but I did say that it was something I had been trying to verbalize myself (for years!) and had not been able to.
I am grateful for what you do. This is a day and age where a voice like your needs to be heard. I will pray for you specifically. :)
Wow, I wish I read this on Friday.. I probably wouldn't have sulked all alone in my room all night. :) I appreciate this blog. It helps me understand myself.. even if I don't struggle with SSA, anyone who struggles with something they feel is out of their control can learn something from you. :) Thank you. <3
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more. After finding out that some people are juss there for the hell of it i juss left myself out and let them be. In your case it's lack of friends or a girlfriend. My fridays is very similar to yours. Thank you for expressing on this topic, it helps me understand more.. i wrote a blog abou this situation too on my blog and your demostration fits perfectly. I'm a big fan of your writings.
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