Thursday, August 5

Proposition 8. And all related issues.

This post might garner me hate mail or very angry mail. At least I'm not all that popular, so there won't be much. But I feel that this topic is something that is central to my struggle. Whether or not you agree with what I write, this blog is about how I've come closer to God during my struggle with being attracted to guys and how He has blessed me with strength... and the promises that God has given for those who do the same.

I was still in Primary when President Hinckley read The Family: A Proclamation to the World during the General Relief Society Meeting of 1995. When I first read the proclamation, it seemed really obvious to me. "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded on the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ." I grew up in the perfect family and hadn't really had issues in life yet. The proclamation fit what I saw around me. Two years later I joined with tens of thousands of Church members who signed their names promising to live by and uphold the principles taught in the proclamation. At the time, none of us knew how hard that would become.

Time went on, and the proclamation resurfaced now and then. I memorized it and it became part of who I was. I could see why it made so much sense to me - because my parents had worked so hard to apply its principles in my family, and the Lord had blessed us.

And then I realized that not everyone had a perfect family. One day in Sunday School I referenced the statement that children have the right to be raised by a father and mother who honor their vows with complete fidelity... and one of my peers almost walked out. His dad had left the family when he was really young, and he felt the statement meant that his mom was obligated to get married again to be a good mother. As a class we talked and realized that the proclamation, while it may be hard or impossible to apply all its principles in this life, is about eternal families. Because it's talking about eternal principles, it shows us the ideal that we can shoot for.

The last section of the proclamation reads thus: "We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society." I believe in the proclamation. I want to do my part to build a world where everyone can receive the blessings of living in a righteous family. And so I promote and support measures designed to maintain and strengthen the Family, as outlined in the proclamation, which consists of a husband and wife who honor their vows, help one another as equal partners, and rear their children in love and righteousness.

I understand what same-sex attraction is. I've lived with it for years and struggled to come to grips with my feelings. I've fallen in love with guys, fallen into the depths of depression, and fallen on my face trying to fit in with the rest of the world. I've felt completely alone, alienated, hopeless, and isolated. But, through all my experiences, I've learned that true happiness comes from living the principles of the gospel, no matter what the cost. God promises that if we will be faithful in this life, we will receive all blessings in the life to come. I don't know what tomorrow holds for me or anyone who struggles. But I know that God will fulfill His promises, in His due time... and that knowledge gives me the hope to make it through another day.


  1. Okay, now I too am really curious as to whether you got hate mail for this post, but I kind of doubt it as your point is so heartfelt and well, just plain full of love that it can not garner hate.

    I discovered your blog today and am grateful I did. You are insightful, spiritual, and real. I can see your relationship with your Heavenly Father in your words. I am inspired by your blog, and saddened only that its beautiful testament of faith can not be appreciated by those closest to you. The Lord willing, I hope you are able to share it with them someday. I hope that we as a church can put our thinking in line with the words of our prophets and apostles and love everyone, and understand our temptations, and not judge because of them.
    I pray the Lord continues to bless you, though I am sure that He already is.

  2. You are such a strong person. I am speechless and am nervous of saying something wrong. But I am amazed by your strength and faith to hold in there. I suffer from social anxiety to the point that I am unable to attend church on a regular basis. If someone says "hi" to me or invites me to something it takes months for me to get the courage to attend again. I feel that your challenge is much more difficult then mine and if you are able to keep strong why can't I? I am to the point where it is going to take therapy and prayers to keep my attendance. Stay strong. There are so many blessings that lay ahead of us. I will keep you in my prayers.


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