Tuesday, October 12

How Can I Help My Family and Friends?


As I go through each day, I pass people on the street. I see them all around me. People. Brothers and sisters. I didn’t always think about people. But as I have seen the Atonement take effect in my own life, I’ve come to realize the truth in an insight given by the prophet Joseph Smith:

“A man filled with the love of God, is not content with blessing his family alone, but ranges through the whole world, anxious to bless the whole human race” (History of the Church, 4:227).

Many people have asked me, “How can I support a friend or loved one who struggles with same-sex attraction?” In His last quiet conversation with Peter, Christ gave the formula that I now try to follow in my life:

“When thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren” (Luke 22:32).

The first piece is Preparation. Each day, I pray for help so that I can be a better person. So that I can be converted, have the Spirit with, me and make a difference wherever I go. I read the scriptures every day without fail. And I ask for the opportunity to help others, and the courage to act on those opportunities. When I am prepared, the Lord is able to inspire me to know what to do and what to say (and how to say it)… and I am more in tune with the Spirit so that I can see the needs of others.

The next piece is Action. When the opportunity comes to do something good, I do it. Whether or not the Spirit inspires me. In anything. The Lord intends that I become more like Him – and so the question I ask myself is not “is this prompting to do good from God?” – it is “is this prompting to do good of God?” Whether or not it is from God doesn’t really matter (see D&C 58:27, Moroni 7:16).

I don’t have a lot of time, so I choose actions that will affect the people around me. I could write a personal letter to the prophet, telling him that I support the things he says… but that doesn’t make the world a better place. Instead, I could send a letter to a high school teacher thanking her for her example. Or call a distant relative and just talk. Or simply spend more time with my family and friends. Or share an inspiring message with family and friends. I choose actions that will bless the lives of others, and usually that means that I reach out to people. To me, people are more important than projects or programs. Always.

The third piece is Love. The motivation for everything I do should be love. Sometimes it’s because I’m tired, or hungry, or whatever else. But, at the heart of helping others, is love. Using that love to shape my words and actions enables me to bring the Spirit into difficult conversations… and to love people unconditionally. My goal is to love all men, no matter what choices they make.

The last piece is Sharing the gospel. True love inspires me to help others find happiness. I have seen so many blessings from the light of the gospel… and so I share my testimony and reach out to the world. It takes courage to share the gospel, especially when there is a chance it could be rejected or there's a lot of pain involved, but I know that following its light will bring blessings and happiness. Whatever it costs, it’s worth it. There are lots of ways to share. Sometimes I blog. Sometimes I just talk with a friend, face-to-face. And sometimes I post on Facebook, Twitter, and every other social network known to man.

Together, the pieces of supporting a friend or loved one who is struggling make the word PALS... Because the way that I support someone who is struggling... is just to be a friend. If I am true to my principles, do good for others, love others unconditionally, and share the good news of the gospel, I can help my family, friends, and strangers… no matter what their trials in life. 

26 comments:

  1. I just came upon your blog yesterday though another one. (a commenter on cjane I think) I really REALLY admire you in SO many ways. These days, when people just give in to the gay temptation, you are not, and that is amazing. You sound like such a strong, faithful member of the church.
    I am a 28 year old female, married with 3 daughters, I am straight. Your blog is an inspiration to me. You set SUCH a good example to me as to how all LDS people should be. Your faith, actions and attitude is REMARKABLE. I absolutely love you for it.
    You have for sure picked up a regular reader.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love your blog! Thank you so much for sharing! I first read your post on President Packer's talk, and I'm so glad I found it. My cousin posted the link on Facebook. You have such great comments, and it's so well written! I applaud you for continuing in the Gospel through your trials. I have had many friends who have fell away from the church and become sexually active in the "gay community" (I'm not sure exactly what to call it, but I think you know what I mean). From those acts they have gone even further down the path to drugs and other things. I know from what I have seen that it does not bring happiness. I wish they could see that for themselves.
    So, thank you for your words and example! I look forward to reading more!

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are a miracle, brother. You make me want to be a better person--in so many areas of my life. Thank you so much. (I found you from a link on facebook--and I've shared this blog with my friends.)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've been all over your blog today and I just want to say bravo! The fact that you are fighting the good fight that most of us could never fully understand and telling us about it as therapy for you and understanding for us. I honestly applaud you. You teach me a lot about faith and courage! Godspeed, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I just discovered your blog. I was going to say how you could never imagine what it means to me to find something like this, but I think you can. You know that loneliness and isolation mark the life of a gay mormon guy more than almost anything else. Thank you for dispelling some of the isolation I have always felt. I read your life story from your first post, and I felt like I was reading my own past. Thanks again.

    ReplyDelete
  6. My brother texted me and informed me of your blog which he found out about from someone else. I'm so glad. You are an inspiration.

    I like the distinction you made between "from God" and "of God" and that trying to figure out if it's FROM Him, is not actually significant.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Your blog is so uplifting and I love how focused on God you are. Totally inspiring.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I just found your blog today. Thank you for being such an amazingly strong example of faith and courage. Although my trials are different than yours, you give me the courage and optimism to endure to the end. May the Lord continue to bless and strengthen you as you keep blessing the life of others. Thank you so much for your openness and sharing your story with all of us!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Your writing is beautiful and uplifting. Keep it up.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Your writing is beautiful and inspiring. Th will change the lives of many. Keep it up.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I've also read a lot of your blog today and I'm so curious who you are. It makes me think about the people in my ward and wonder about their "unseen wounds."

    If I may ask a question, How do you know when to draw the line between 'okay' and 'not okay' with regards to thoughts in your head?

    I think you are an incredible example. Reading your story makes me want to face my own challenges and be strong enough to turn away.

    Have a good night,

    ReplyDelete
  12. Brother, I'm not the first and I won't be the last, but I have to say thank you, thank you, thank you. I was sucked into your story today and I came away touched to the core and inspired to be and do better. My trials seem a world away from yours, but I am impressed that the answers to my, your, and everyone's problems are the same: prayer, scripture study, Sunday worship, temple attendance, service, faith, and humility (they're the "Sunday School answers" for good reason, right?). I plan on following your story and hope to continue to be inspired by you. Thank you for sharing so honestly and most importantly, so faithfully your struggle -- and especially your success. You are truly an inspiration. May God continue to bless you for your righteous desires and that you can continue to be a light on a hill.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Like many of the people who have left comments I am also new to your blog. I LOVE IT. It is a strength to me. Over the last few days I've been having a hard time with all the controversy over President Packer's talk. I have been frustrated to all degrees over some of the things others have said, and at times even appalled. I came home and read your blog after work today, which happened to be a hard day because I was questioned a couple times about Packer's talk, and I just felt a calming peace come over me and a desire to try harder to love those around me. Thank you so much for your testimony and your insight on everything. You are truely an answer to my prayers right now. THANK YOU!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Your words are so inspiring and so needed. Thank you so much for sharing your voice with the world. I can't thank you enough.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Thank you for sharing your perspective! After hearing Pres. Packer's talk, I talked with my husband about this at length. I expressed my belief in church doctrine on this point and my hope that my understanding of it is correct.

    We have close family members and friends who have left the church because they can't reconcile their attraction with the doctrine. I served a mission in joaquin valley CA and we taught converts and members with all our might the message you're working to convey.

    It is a relief to know people like you are out there fighting this good (and difficult) fight and winning!! Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thank you so much for these well thought out words. I recently found out (through another gay mormon blog ironically) that a close family member of mine is gay (and married and Mormon). He does not know that I know yet and I have been struggling with how to talk to him about it. I still haven't decided if I need to tell him anything at all, but in the end I do believe that the most important thing is to show him that I love him unconditionally. I look forward to reading more of your blog, it has already put so many things into perspective for me.

    ReplyDelete
  17. My wife came across your blog today and when she told me, I knew I had to post a simple comment. Thank you for letting me know that many people understand the atonement and how the plan of our Heavenly Father works. And thanks for bringing a bit of sunshine to our day. It is so uplifting to read your testimony and be lifted while the world deteriorates. The good will prevail.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Great post. I'm really glad a friend shared a link to your blog with me. It's been a very enlightening read to someone who already felt rather enlightened (and so, it's been very humbling as well). :) I really appreciate your comment about recognizing which promptings to do good come from God or not. I used to struggle to recognize and understand the same thing until very recently, when our Stake President, a marvelous teacher, explained that if we are trying to become like Christ, we should expect our thoughts and desires to come closer and closer to His, so that eventually, we would not need the Spirit to prompt us to do good deeds, because we would already desire it ourselves.

    Keep up the good work. I know I'll be back to learn again. =]

    ReplyDelete
  19. I am a married mother who has never had same sex attraction. But, I have a brother who is openly gay (which is fine with me) and very anti-Mormon (which is not). Our family has embraced him and his life-choice, but he continually pushes us away because of our beliefs in the gospel. Thank you for sharing your feelings and your incredible testimony. I don't think my brother will ever come back to the church, but we will love him forever.
    On another note, my friend's daughter passed away yesterday after much fasting and prayer for her recovery. It was a great comfort to me to read your post 'But If Not', reminding me that just because miracles don't happen, He is still in charge and aware of us. Thanks again, I know I'll be a regular reader from now on.

    ReplyDelete
  20. This is a lovely blog and I am grateful for your courage and strength. What a wonderful and unique perpective of the gospel.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I just found your blog today and I can't believe how inspiring it is. You should write a book. It's that good.

    ReplyDelete
  22. You have inspired my heart and mind and have helped refine my perspective of both eternal, spiritual, and difficult 'controversial' matters. Thank you. You will be an exceptional father and husband someday. May all His most supreme blessings be yours as you continue faithful through your most trying mortal journey. Again, thank you for sharing so I and others may be blessed with encouragement, wisdom, precious insight, and strength through your testimony and daily victory over trial and temptation. Keep it up!

    Love,
    Your sister in the Gospel

    ReplyDelete
  23. What a great blog! It's all about loving Heavenly Fathers children. Thanks for sharing this. I plan on totally blog stalking you now.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I love your writing and perspective on things. Perhaps you were meant to be an example of profound faith. Thank you for sharing the gospel. If you don't mind, I'll be following you from now on! :)

    ReplyDelete

Comment Rules:

(G)MG is how I write to you. Commenting is one way to write to me.

If you want your comment published: No swearing, graphic content, name-calling of any kind, or outbound links to anything but official Church sites.

In addition, comments must be 100% relevant, funny, uplifting, helpful, friendly... well-written, concise, and true. Disparaging comments often don't meet those standards. Comments on (G)MG are personal notes to me, not part of a comment war. You are not entitled to have your ideas hosted on my personal blog. There are a zillion places for that, and only one (G)MG.

And I'd suggest writing your comment in Word and pasting it. That way Blogger won't eat it if it's over the word limit.