It can be easy, when I've struggled, to focus on the bad experiences I've had, try to determine the cause of those experiences, and warn others against them. And bad things do happen, even in the Church. Inadequate training, lack of understanding, miscommunication, and inherent weaknesses can make it incredibly difficult for Church leaders to meet members' individual needs.
But while individuals may not be immediately able to give the support or help I need, the Church and the gospel - the ordinances, the covenants, the scriptures, the commandments, the Priesthood, and the temple - have never failed me in my struggle. And they never will.
Many people with same-sex attraction look forward to a time when "the Church will change." A few want 6000 years of sexual sin to be completely redefined. Others want prejudice against those with SSA to be a grievous sin. Still others want a chapter in Gospel Principles explaining the reality behind same-sex attraction.
I'm different. I don't want to change the Church. I want to change the world. I want everyone to look out for their neighbors, love them unconditionally, know what it feels like to be in their shoes, be there for them when they struggle, pray for them each night, and support them when they fall. And when that happens, all of us will feel accepted and loved. The Church already teaches all those things; 15 letters read over the pulpit and a complete session of General Conference on SSA wouldn't fix the problem. Enforcing change from the top rarely works in any situation; people change because they want to. And, from my perspective, the best way to help people change is to be a good example, help them understand who I am, and allow them to feel a part of my struggle.
Yes, involving people in my life will inevitably bring heartache as they are unable to completely understand or meet my needs. But as I look to God, follow His guidance, and keep the commandments He has given, I am promised the strength to succeed. Join with me and bring out the good in others. Together, we will change the world.
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
Sunday, August 8
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ReplyDeleteI just stumbled upon your blog and I am so grateful that I did. Your words are inspiring and spiritually deep. Just thought that you should know that you are now in my prayers. The world needs more people like you. If the Lord does see fit to bless you with children and family in this life, they will be so lucky to have a father who has been through so much and who is capable of such love. Thank you for your continued faith and strength.
I have the exact same desire as you for "everyone to look out for their neighbors, love them unconditionally, know what it feels like to be in their shoes, be there for them when they struggle, pray for them each night..."
ReplyDeleteWell Said!!!
I feel exactly the same way.
ReplyDeleteI searched for a "homosexual mormon blog" because I want to understand what that trial feels like for those who suffer so that I can be a better friend to them. I also get so sick of people parading any gay Mormon story around to use as an anti-Mormon ad, but I never feel capable of answering back. I am enjoying reading your blog now so that I can understand the gay Mormon perspective and be better educated as I answer questions to others. Thank you for sharing your story.
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