I attended a Sacrament Meeting yesterday where two missionaries came home. One had served two years, the other had served ten days; both received honorable releases. It was amazing to see the contrast in their speaking skills, their ability to communicate, and other outward signs. It was heartbreaking to see a newly called and released missionary, whose hopes and dreams had been shattered by something completely out of his control. But as I listened to each of them speak, I realized that both of them had strong testimonies - even though they had experienced totally different things in life.
As I go through life, I see a seeming dichotomy between each of our experiences... and sometimes it can seem unfair. One missionary serves two years and set a course for the rest of his life. Another, just as faithful, never gets that opportunity. One guy who was never interested in settling down falls in love with a girl, marries her, and begins his family before 22. Another guy is 28 and has spent his young adult life attracted to other guys, dating girls, trying to find a girl to marry in the temple so he can begin a family. One guy begins a blog to tell his story - http://gaymormonguy.blogspot.com - and has a great experience. Another guy begins http://solidgaymormonguy.blogspot.com ... and then he and the blog disappear only a few days later.
But life isn't unfair. It's perfectly fair - because God creates our lives with the intent to bless us and help us to achieve the highest we can, from an eternal perspective. All things are for the good of those that love God. It is definitely not the same across the board - but that's because God is a perfect teacher. No two students are alike. And while the final examination will judge each of us based on the universal standards of the commandments, the Lord uses different events and experiences in each of our lives to help us get to that point. Everything the Lord gives us is a blessing. Everything - because even though it may seem hard or unfair or painful or whatever, it is designed to help us to grow and learn and be happy. This is the Gift that God gives us - a perfectly crafted experience to help us return to Him, and that includes the highs and the lows... the joy and the heartache. He knows what will help us grow most when we don't know ourselves.
For one young missionary, the Lord calls him to serve for two years. For another, He calls him home after days. The Lord gives each of us different varieties of family, friends, leaders, talents, weaknesses, trials, temptations, and hidden struggles to help us turn to Him.
What has He given you?
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
Monday, August 23
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I went on a mission. I felt strongly before I left that I shouldn't go, but I chalked it up to nerves and left anyway. About 6 months in I was on my knees saying my morning prayers when I felt the spirit overwhelm me and tell me that I needed to go home. I called my mission president who then LAUGHED in my ear and said "Sister Fedje, I'm not sending you home unless you get so sick that I have no choice." With in about 4 weeks I got a SEVERE case of depression (I was contemplating taking pills to make me sick.) and was sent home because they thought I had Bi Polar Disorder. Came home and saw a doctor and it turned out that it was just Winter Depression.
ReplyDeleteThe day after I came home I met my now husband. I was able to be there for my family when my grandfather, who raised me, died. Had I not come home when I did I never would have met my husband and I would not have been able to come home for my grandfather's funeral and my family really needed me.
Part of me wishes that I could have stayed, but I know in my heart that it was what the Lord had planned for me all along.
I too have started a blog to try and be an example. I read a blog called the Thirty Day Challenge, it was a challenge to refrain from pornography and masturbation. After his 9th day, the guy disapeared... not very motivating. All of a sudden I knew that this was something I needed to do. Not just for myself, but for other that may stumble across it. After reading your many posts, I feel like my blog cannot compare to your radiant light. You are so inspiring, I hope that I can pass that inspiration on as I make my journey. Feel free to visit if you'd like. thethirty-daychallenge.blogspot.com. Thank you for your beautiful posts. Thank you for your beautiful spirit.
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