Tuesday, August 3

The Importance of Guys

In the last few years, I've realized that non-sexual relationships with guys are actually really important. It may sound a bit strange, but being with guys in the right environment makes it a whole lot easier to not look at them as objects for gratification. I look at them and see them as people, and as I talk to them I realize they have families, dreams, and struggles just like I do.

No one knows what causes same-sex attraction. But I've found that developing meaningful non-sexual relationships with guys can impact the frequency and strength of same-sex attraction in my life.

Yeah, there are times when I find myself way too attracted to the guys I spend time with. But as long as there are boundaries in the relationship (implicit or explicit - whatever works), we're both okay. And spending time with guys seems to meet my social needs and make my urges much less frequent. Sounds like it's time to make some good friends.


  1. I wanted to say thank you for starting this blog. I understand in a different way of where you're coming from, because I too am LDS struggling with same sex attraction, I just happen to be a girl. I'm glad that someone has the guts to semi-publicly speak about feelings that are shared by plenty of others. Thank you.

  2. I am also LDS with SSA. I have worked very hard to do what is right. I have been seeing amazing therapist Named Jeff Robinson. Jeff did his doctorate disertation on SSA at BYU. He has helped many along the way. With that I have learned much about myself, I have learned that I am able to be worthy, and still have SSA. I have served a mission, I am a temple ordiance worker, and hold other callings.

    Also somthing Jeff points out is that there is nothing wrong with seeing a person of the same gender to be attractive. It is wrong when you fantasize about it and take it to the next level. He also shares that it is healthy to make many friends that do not have SSA, as you're what you eat kind of method. That is a great way to overcome it. I also would like to thank you for your blog as you have shared your feelings. Know your not alone, there is etimated by LDS family service that every ward has at min 2-3 members that struggle with SSA.

  3. Wait, you just barely realized that you can be friends with boys in a non sexual way? You didn't know that before?

  4. Lauren: I'm glad that I can help in some way. It did take guts to start this... I just hope that it can help someone who has struggled like I have to have the faith to go on.

    Keith: Thanks for your post. I've heard of Dr. Robinson. Never met him. And probably, if I did, I wouldn't tell him about my problems. But thankfully there are people like him around.

    Dennis: Of course I knew I could be friends with boys. I've had close guy friends for as long as I can remember. I was on sports teams, in quorums, Boy Scouts...

    This post wasn't about a realization of the possibility of having good friendships. It was about my realization of the importance, to me of having and developing those relationships in fighting the urges that come with same-sex attraction.

  5. I think it's interesting that women are always talking about other women's looks. "I'd kill for her body." "She has amazing hair." ect. (Can you think of women who don't think Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Anniston are the most beautiful women on the whole planet?) I think men are more culturally conditioned to believe that they cannot look at another guy and think "I like his hair" without it feeling "gay".


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