I grew up watching Disney films, attending Broadway musicals, and reading fantasy & adventure novels. My family was perfect. I had the Church and I excelled in everything I tried. Mix those all together and you might understand why I've been a romantic idealist for as long as I can remember. It's never been a problem, but romantic ideals are harder and harder to come by in the world today. I'd love to find an amazing girl, sweep her off her feet, and live happily ever after - but more and more people tell me that's not how it happens. I try to believe them; I take marriage prep classes, find similarities with others, determine likes and dislikes, study personality types and compatibilities, try to be as close to the person I want to marry... but in my heart, I still believe that just falling (without the required intellectual decision to fall) in love is possible and that it'll happen to me some day.
Whether or not it actually happens doesn't really matter - optimism doesn't actually guide or influence outcomes. It doesn't have to. Instead, it influences my attitude and my actions - and those influence what happens in my life. My outlook influences how I see the things that happen to me - the things I may not be able to directly control. Being optimistic gives me peace and hope when everything seems to be going wrong. I've tried some of the other outlooks - pessimism, realism, existentialism, nihilism, whateverism... and, at least for me, I think I've found the mix that works best in my life. A mix of idealism, romanticism, and optimism. Together, those give me the tools to be a good brother, son, and friend... so that I can make a difference in the world.
I'm autistic, ex-bipolar, and attracted to other guys (gay/SSA/whatever). More importantly, I'm a son of God and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). My life is usually amazing. This is my story of hope, happiness, and faith.
Tuesday, August 24
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Falling in love does happen!!!!! My husband and I have almost 19 years of marriage to prove that it works!! Don't give up on it.
ReplyDeleteI've just found your blog and I want to say thank you for your willingness to share your life and your struggles. My brother-in-law is gay (yes, the act-on-the-temptation definition). He was born and raised in the Church but has chosen to act on the temptations and live that lifestyle. He fought against it for awhile but, like you, was abused and he spiraled from there.
Several years ago, my step-son "came out". He was not raised in the Church and has also chosen to follow that lifestyle.
I am so grateful to find your blog and know that there are those out there who choose to follow the teachings of the Gospel and follow the light rather than give in to the temptation of SSA.
There is so much more on my heart that I just don't have words for. Thank you again for being willing to share your personal struggles, triumphs and testimony!!
While pursuing the time-hogging endeavor of transferring files from one computer to the next, I stumbled across your blog.
ReplyDelete(1) Thanks for this blog. It seriously kept me from going insane while watching the bar move up 1% every 10 minutes!!
(2) You're an example of incredible strength. I don't have the temptations you do, but we all have temptations, and I am amazed by your ability to cope.
(3) I LOVED this particular post. I am an avid reader and adore broadway musicals. But more importantly, I have discovered the importance of optimism. I am trying to instill this idea in the hearts and minds of my 8th graders who come from dire poverty.
I like your recipe-idealism, romanticism, and optimism.
You will fall in love, and whoever receives it will be lucky!
And guess what? One day someone will fall in love with me too! And not just my 8th grade boys with school-crushes on the young teacher! :D Yay for optimism!
Oops I think the last comment was created under the Relief Society blog I started when I was in the presidency instead of my personal account.
ReplyDeleteHa ha! Well I guess the MCC Relief Society supports your road to optimism.
(Note: 3/4 of them have already found love!) Yay, Broadway Musicals and Disney films do not always lie; it is sometimes an accurate portrayal although without the song and dance routine--sadly!
Ya know, I think we all have this problem. We have the way we "THINK" love should be, and then the way that it truly is. Love is just love. It's different for everyone. Even if you're not dealing with SSA you may not be instantly attracted to the person you end up with. Sometimes love and attraction are never truly connected. Sometimes love cultivates attraction. Sometimes attraction cultivates love. Maybe your connection will be have to start on more than just physical appearance. Maybe she'll be your best friend. And in the end, would you really want anything less?
ReplyDeleteI believe in true love. I believe in the power of prayer. I also recognize the reality of the demands of life that can take our focus elsewhere and "kill" the dream even if you have found love. I mean, I love my husband, but I have had thoughts of maiming him on occasion. It's part of the tests of life. Before I found my husband, I held my belief in the fairy tale deep inside my heart of hearts. Don't give up!
ReplyDelete